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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Alva - I like you - just by you being honest and upfront. Actually, my entire family is that way and we think we are helping, but sometimes it hurts. Don't worry about it, and I thank you. I actually "write" poetry that people have said I should publish. I'm not only a "complainer", I am a history and science buff. I don't have friends, but I am very social on the street walking. I am curious about every single thing in life and that's how I learn about the world. So once again, you can write to me whenever you want to - I'm here for you too!
Anxietynacy: I in NO way laughed at you - I'm more intelligent than that - you did indeed defend me and I appreciated that to no end! You sound like a kind person and I really felt like you understood me. Please write to me to just say hello - please??? PS: I thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Isthisreallyreal: I thank you to for being so kind to me. I am NOT writing because I'm bored, as some may think - I have many health issues myself and dealing with my ill husband and over 90 parents - how can one be bored???? Please keep in touch with me to say just "HI".
Actually PeggySue: I was just going to acknowledge everyone else who I left out - I feel close to you guys in a weird way and you posted. This is good therapy for me to do it this way. I want everyone to know how I feel, not in private. I have very deep emotions and always feel guilty if I don't acknowledge someone or something. Sorry!
I responded to a comment in another forum years ago with what I'm about to say here.
Often, it is very easy to perceive something as cyberbullying in a support forum - because the advice is not something you want to hear. I'll be honest and say that sometimes when I've received advice in any forum - I have had to take a step back and realize that it isn't personal, even though what is happening to you IS personal. VERY often people can see themselves in our shoes because they have already been in our shoes. And they may be very passionate about a topic because they are trying to spare others the heartache they went through.
Now, name calling and threats are not acceptable. But often we are already in a sensitive place when we come to a forum like this one - and we don't want to hear anything but people agreeing with us. But when you post your situation on a support forum - often the advice you get is not what you thought it would be.
But sometimes - just like when as caregivers we have to make choices for our loved ones that they don't necessarily want or like but are what they NEED, sometimes posters here NEED to hear certain things that they don't want to hear.
I'll give you a good example. When I first came here- my FIL was going to put us all in an early grave. But we wanted to blame him for not doing what we wanted to do. I completely own that. What I learned here - sometimes bluntly - was that WE did have some control. It just wasn't easy and we would have to stiffen our spines and do things that weren't exactly second nature. But the biggest problem we had - was ourselves.
I kept coming back because no matter how the information was delivered - the longer I listened - the more sense it all made. We were our own problem. We were allowing FIL to take advantage and tell four grown adults how all of us were going to live our lives to suit HIS needs and demands.
It took a while to get everyone on board, but after a while, all of that advice paid off.
Had I walked away the first time I got all in my feelings about how I was receiving the information - it NEVER would have happened.
Trust me - there may be some very strong opinions here. I, for one, have certainly developed a very passionate approach since coming here LOL. But it is rare that I see someone bullied by a regular. More often the bullies are people who come in to stir the pot!
Bullies are everywhere, in real life and on the internet.
Even those who don’t stand up for others, are a type of bully, too. It isn’t only what you do, but what you don’t do, to support someone.
OP, you are not too sensitive, and you haven’t mis-read anything. Bullies are real. A bully won’t admit they’re a bully. And those who have a bit of bully in them, will defend other bullies.
Spend time with the people who truly care for you. For most people, that’s about one or two people.
I'm involve in 12-step recovery. We have meetings, and people use them as "dumps" for their anger, frustrations etc. Once in a while is acceptable, but some folks over-do this "venting", and others lash out. I pray for, and avoid them. They don't deserve room in my head.
Billy, I don't know how much access you have, but I live in good size town in which there is an AA or an Al Anon just around every single corner, in any church and etc. In fact, when I first attended an Al Anon meeting I was told "If we aren't the right group for you just keep looking, because they honestly vary and they tend to attract certain "types" that find community within. So for a while go to one this week and another another week. You will find home.
I went for support regarding a family member's struggle. I didn't need to attend long, but I was utterly amazed by the community there. Just a FINE group. Yeah, a few had a day when they needed "a whine", but that's OK.
I later attended AA more than a few times with my brother and his partner, who was an alcoholic. Again, this was a community in which there were more than a few options--Palm Springs in California. But wow, I was so impressed. I mean, I wanted to attend just because it was kind of Church without being Church (I am an atheist and I truly all my life have missed out on the "community" that church can be).
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Often, it is very easy to perceive something as cyberbullying in a support forum - because the advice is not something you want to hear. I'll be honest and say that sometimes when I've received advice in any forum - I have had to take a step back and realize that it isn't personal, even though what is happening to you IS personal. VERY often people can see themselves in our shoes because they have already been in our shoes. And they may be very passionate about a topic because they are trying to spare others the heartache they went through.
Now, name calling and threats are not acceptable. But often we are already in a sensitive place when we come to a forum like this one - and we don't want to hear anything but people agreeing with us. But when you post your situation on a support forum - often the advice you get is not what you thought it would be.
But sometimes - just like when as caregivers we have to make choices for our loved ones that they don't necessarily want or like but are what they NEED, sometimes posters here NEED to hear certain things that they don't want to hear.
I'll give you a good example. When I first came here- my FIL was going to put us all in an early grave. But we wanted to blame him for not doing what we wanted to do. I completely own that. What I learned here - sometimes bluntly - was that WE did have some control. It just wasn't easy and we would have to stiffen our spines and do things that weren't exactly second nature. But the biggest problem we had - was ourselves.
I kept coming back because no matter how the information was delivered - the longer I listened - the more sense it all made. We were our own problem. We were allowing FIL to take advantage and tell four grown adults how all of us were going to live our lives to suit HIS needs and demands.
It took a while to get everyone on board, but after a while, all of that advice paid off.
Had I walked away the first time I got all in my feelings about how I was receiving the information - it NEVER would have happened.
Trust me - there may be some very strong opinions here. I, for one, have certainly developed a very passionate approach since coming here LOL. But it is rare that I see someone bullied by a regular. More often the bullies are people who come in to stir the pot!
Even those who don’t stand up for others, are a type of bully, too. It isn’t only what you do, but what you don’t do, to support someone.
OP, you are not too sensitive, and you haven’t mis-read anything. Bullies are real. A bully won’t admit they’re a bully. And those who have a bit of bully in them, will defend other bullies.
Spend time with the people who truly care for you. For most people, that’s about one or two people.
I pray for, and avoid them.
They don't deserve room in my head.
I went for support regarding a family member's struggle. I didn't need to attend long, but I was utterly amazed by the community there. Just a FINE group. Yeah, a few had a day when they needed "a whine", but that's OK.
I later attended AA more than a few times with my brother and his partner, who was an alcoholic. Again, this was a community in which there were more than a few options--Palm Springs in California. But wow, I was so impressed. I mean, I wanted to attend just because it was kind of Church without being Church (I am an atheist and I truly all my life have missed out on the "community" that church can be).
Anyway, good luck on finding a good fit there!