Steph here again, for those of you who don't know. My new husband and I just moved into his 91-year-old grandma's house so we can provide care for her. My husband's uncle was previously living with her, but he is now in a hospice situation and isn't doing well. He was verbally and mentally abusive to Grandma, so it sounds cruel, but I'm glad he's out of the picture. It's difficult because she asks about him a lot, but I always seem to know what to say to ease her mind, at least for a little while. Yes, I'm new to the caregiver thing and I am stunned that so many people told me not to do it. Yes, we're being smart and responsible with everything, we have a lawyer and we have a caregiver agreement signed. We're going to be paid for the care we give her, so relax everyone! Lol. Grandma is doing great and loves having our company. We think she's in the early stages of dementia, because she knows who we are, but she just always asks the same questions over and over. She's a peach and a real joy to be around. She gets up at 8am every morning, puts half a bagel in the toaster oven and makes herself instant coffee. I bring her her pills. She's really easy and usually doesn't need or want company or help until around noon. Even then, all I do is check her blood sugar, if it's too high I give her insulin, then I sit with her for a couple hours and she repeats old stories to me like she's never told them before, I love it. She's able to make her own food, use the toilet on her own and everything. I'm mostly there to keep her company and make sure she doesn't wander or get too confused. She goes to bed around 8 pm and with my husband and I living in her basement, we can hear every creak in the floor above us. I love my new role, I feel like I've found a new sense of selflessness and commitment and I couldn't be more thrilled to help our grandma live as happy and healthy as possible in her final years. Shame on all you naysayers!
But, shame on us who complain? Not sure you should be lecturing anyone on here. So best wishes to you and don't be judging the rest of us if you don't want it done to you.
Well, I guess it stands to reason - that so many of us have had a negative experience.
You keep on posting - maybe we can learn something from your positive experience. OR - maybe you'll come to see what we've all been talking about. Seriously- I'd be very interested in hearing how things are working out for you - say, six months from now.
Not all of us have had great relationships with the person or persons we came to provide care for in their later years. Not everyone had Ward and June Cleaver as parents, or the Brady Bunch parents, if that gives you a better frame of reference. Many - and I mean, MANY - of us had abusive parents who were alcoholics, physically / mentally / emotionally /sexually abusive to us, or abandoned us only to come back later, requiring care when everyone else had abandoned *them*. Many of us only provided care for our parents or loved ones out of a sense of filial duty.
So please don't be so dismissive or high-minded about this. You will need this site and the advice offered here in the months and years to come. Trust me. Don't bite the hand that feeds you, because you're going to need it later.
Those who advised you not to become a caregiver were only trying to keep you from experiencing what many of us already have been through. It wasn't done out of spite or mean-spiritedness, and it certainly wasn't intended to evoke this kind of reaction from you.
I'm sure most of us are happy for you that you have an "easy" caregiving job....so far. Right now, things are simple for you and your grandmother. That's great, and we're happy for you that it's that way. But please don't belittle or attempt to shame those who have had a much harder row to hoe with their loved ones.