Follow
Share

My mother is my fathers caretaker. She is wore out and needs help taking care of her husband diagnosed with Alzheimer's, going on over 2 years. She hasn't looked at any source of help to benefit my father. Resent changes are, vehicle taken away from my father. Close family recognition going, does not know familiar places . My mother changes medicine dose that doctor prescribed because she doesn't like how he is affected by it and yells, arguing with him constantly.

Click the Find Care tab at the top of this page.
Good luck!
(0)
Report

Mom sounds as if she doesn’t understand Alzheimer’s disease, or is starting to have her own mental decline, or is just completely exhausted. In any case, she needs help as dad doesn’t deserve to be yelled at or not get his meds appropriately. Start with an honest conversation with her about what would make the situation better. Find out if important legal documents are in place, such as advance directives, power of attorney for healthcare and financial decisions, and will. It’s too late for dad to complete these documents if they aren’t in place, but mom definitely needs them if not done. Ask her if she’d prefer hiring a helper in the home to give her breaks or moving dad to memory care, don’t act like choosing neither is an option. Look for local resources through her counties aging services agency or the VA if dad was a veteran. I understand your concer about causing offense, it’s important to both be kind and respectful but also advocate for dad, he needs a better living environment than what’s going on now
(5)
Report

Call local caregiving agencies (which are expensive and often require a 30-hr/week minimum BUT they take care of a lot of necessary business that you'd be doing if you hired a private individual). Or, look on Care.com.

Also keep in mind that your Mom may not want strangers in her house all day and will just be bossing the aids around or drive them out. Before you go down the path of hiring help, please do what I suggested above first. Also, you won't be able to force her to do anything if she doesn't have a PoA that is active.
(0)
Report

She is in burnout, or she herself has the beginnings of impairment.

Have you tried to have a conversation with her, telling her how she seems unlike herself, on edge, stressed? That this is very common in caregivers and that has a name, "burnout"? If so, what does she say to it? Does she have a fear of losing control or being judged?

Is there someone in the family who can suggest she take advantage of her free Medicare annual physical to make sure she's getting the best care for herself so that she can be there for her husband? If she can be coaxed to go, whoever accompanies her should slip a pre-written note to the staff telling them the behavior symptoms she is showing and request a cognitive exam for her. At this appointment her family helper should ask for the HIPAA Medical Representative form and have her put down you or someone else local and trustworthy so that her doctor can legally discuss her private medical information without her needing to give further permission or to be present. Your Mom may need meds for depression and anxiety herself.

Most importantly, if she doesn't have an assigned PoA she really needs to get this in place or the family will have a more difficult time helping the both of them with managing their affairs and making decisions for them.

If she does have a PoA assigned (and hopefully it's not her husband) then this agent needs to read the document to see how the authority is triggered.

More info for context would be helpful.
(2)
Report

Would like to find some in home care for my father so my mother can also get needed help for herself.
(0)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter