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Which best describes their mobility?
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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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The term "[Hasta la vista]" is a Spanish farewell that can be literally translated as "Until the (next) sighting" and means "See you later" and "Goodbye". This term, with the added word "baby" - "Hasta la vista, baby" - was used in the popular hit song from 1987, "Looking for a New Love" by Grammy Award winner Jody Watley.[1] It was also used in the 1988 Tone Lōc single "Wild Thing". Terminator 2: Judgment Day: "Hasta la vista, baby" became a world-famous catchphrase when it was used in the 1991 film Terminator 2: Judgment Day, which was written by James Cameron and William Wisher Jr. The phrase is featured in an exchange between the film's characters John Connor (Edward Furlong) and The Terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger):
A tablespoon of Bragg Apple Cider Vinegar mixed with other foods/drinks every day can help keep the body balanced from the disease. My mom can still swallow pills, I also give her an Oregano pill to prevent sepsis etc.
My favorite quote from Terminator "...It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with..." The takeaway, DON'T ARGUE with them, this is a hard lesson, but I have learned it for sanity sake. As long as they are not hurting themselves etc. try to tolerate it as much as humanly possible. As they get worse, they won't understand you anyway, a complete waste of energy for you to get into it with them, plus it makes you emotionally unbalanced and makes you feel bad. Be like a duck and let it just wash off your back.
Try to get as much sleep as possible, you are going to need it as the disease becomes more difficult. No sleep ----- gives you a heart attack or cancer. Sleep is a healer.
Lets continue to help as many as possible - we can whine a bit but really we are all here to get educated a lot - I figure the whining is our safety valve to keep our sanity - the sharing of tips is where we learn enough to short circuit or even avoid a problem in the first place [ some of the time most will work ] -
WHAT TO DO ABOUT NEWS - When my cousin got breast cancer I asked the drs if I should tell mom - I got great advice ... if mom would normally see her & mom would be noticed when L was absent then tell her but otherwise don't -
I follow this advice also with sharing 'good' news like a new baby coming in family but hold back 'bad' news like a death of someone she was close to - when dealing with dementia I have learned that when in doubt always go to the side of kindness because bad news will make them upset & they often won't remember why ... which doesn't help anyone
OK, I am in areement with that, Gershun. Where are the careivers who have put in more time and who have forgotten more tips than I ever knew?
We can get tips on shortcuts, shortbreads, and short cuts to making shortbread. Tips on surviving the holidays, on how to sneak in a nap or two while caregiving. And how if one does not drink enough water, all the things that can happen. There may even be repeat tips, short tips, cleaning up tips, walking tips, and braise short-ribs tips. There can be favorite tips that another caregiver offered that helped our loved ones, or helped us cope. What about that, Moecam? Want your thread expanded?
Break away occasionally, and on a regular basis to prevent burnout.
If you're caring for someone who needs constant attention, there is no question that you will need relief at some point. Just setting aside a few minutes for a walk in the park or a chat with a friend can make a world of difference. "We've found that we can significantly reduce stress by giving the caretakers mini-respites—even 30-minute breaks occasionally," Dr. Mahoney says. Federal legislators have also acknowledged that unpaid caregivers need occasional vacations. In 2006, the Lifespan Respite Care Act was passed to provide relief services for family caregivers. You can find information on respite services available near you by going to the website of the ARCH National Respite Network.
I know this is going to sound strange, but replace the white toilet seats with ones of another color, especially if the person has Alzheimer's. Make it easier to find the toilet in the bathroom especially if everything else is white in that room.
Paint the wall behind the toilet red, that also makes it easier for the person to find, plus red is a warm color which gives off the impression that the room is warmer.
Another idea, paint the bathroom door a different color so the person will know which door is the bathroom.
Whenever you go out with them take a picture of them so you can identify if they get lost. Also there is a free GPS program (sorry don't have website). I pay Sprint $5.99 a month so I can GPS my husband if he gets lost. He also wears the Medic Alert Bracelet.
First, buy heavy duty ear plugs for those days when you need a break from the screaming, wailing coming from your aging loved one during the dreadful sundowning period. After he/she has fallen asleep: Take out the ear plugs and listen to your favorite music (me, I personally like Smooth Jazz), pop open the wine, indulge in some cheese and crackers, settle into a good novel and, most importantly, thank the man/woman above you've survived one more day on the rollercoaster of eldercare. There will be a time after your loved has passed that you'll look back and be so glad you were there for him/her. For now - you'll want to scream and/or cry into a pillow - everyday. Second, if possible, adopt a dog from the local shelter because it will need at least one daily walk which will force you to take a much needed mini-break as it's very easy to forget about taking care of our self while we devote so much of our time to others.Third, take some time to make your Bucket List and review it often to keep your sanity because there will be a time when your caregiving duty will end and you deserve to pursue your dreams. Fourth and final, do what's best for your loved one - but - also be realistic about his/her quality of life because extension of life doesn't always translate into a better quality of life.
After 2 years of struggling through the unknown of care giving for my mother, I finally gave in to many people's advice to find a caregiver support group online. I avoided it at all costs for so long, because I have been in denial, didn't want to dwell on the negative, whatever, etc. Not sure why exactly. But I reached a point of total despair and desperation, feeling so alone, feeling like I am making all the wrong decisions, not knowing what to do next, and finally stumbled onto this message board. And what a revelation it has been! I haven't been able to stop reading these messages for two days straight. It is like I have been in the desert dying of thirst and can't get enough. LOL. I am not usually a dramatic person, but seriously, I don't know how else to describe it. Thank you all for your wonderful advice and insights. I hope I am able to pay some of it forward as I go. It is nice to know I am not alone, that I am not doing it all wrong, and that there is a place to go for encouragement, a much needed laugh, and helpful tips along the way. Kim.
KMCARES what great info from someone on 'the floor' so to speak - this is what I wished that I could have had when I started 4 years ago & why I instigated this thread - lets try to keep it at an active status because so many of you gave great 'in the trench' & 'been there ...done that' feedback that I so wished I had when I started this road & lets pass it forward to all those who are struggling with this as a new part of their life
For those who don't know I am POA [both] for my 91 year old mother & 'legs' for my father [94] who still does his own affairs but I will become his POA when he can no longer do so on his own - as I approach 70 this keeps me busy but many of you are in much heavier demands than I have & I can't say how much I admire what some of you are doing & at many times to the detriment of your own life/health/etc .... kudos on you
This site is so great as it both teaches us but also allows the venting we all need to do - congratulations to all
All of these comments are spot on and so helpful - for both newbies learning to deal with a new diagnosis of a spouse or a parent and for those of us who have been dealing with all sorts of dementia problems with relatives for years.
I would add two things to all the comments above (and these may have already been stated; kudos to those who may have already posted:
1. A routine. I found that a daily routine that could be followed as much as possible helped my dad who had Pick's disease and my mom who has dementia deal better with getting through the day. I don't know how he knew it but if I missed his usual afternoon ice cream at 3 p.m., he'd call me on it at 3:02 p.m.! He couldn't tell time either analog (?right word) or digitally but he knew when he was supposed to have ice cream! 2. Argumentative? Redirection. I was my daddy's little girl and it was hard but I learned that it was useless to argue with him about what he was supposed to do or when. I kept a couple of old family albums nearby and would pull one out and ask him about a couple of pictures. We'd talk a bit and then I could get him to take his meds or whatever needed to be done. They quickly forget everything that happened seconds before. 3. Comments about important papers. I worked in hospitals and doctors' offices for 30+ years. One thing I learned and have shared with many friends that a: have a copy of all important documents in a clear plastic bag attached to the refrigerator or somewhere where the patient can't get it but emergency personnel can. b. Every family member who has contact with your relative should have copies of the same material you give the EMTs. c. Every doctor and hospital that your relative visits should also have the same material. It is impossible for you to remember every drug, every diagnosis, and every allergy that your loved one has when you're in a crisis mode. Those patients with long-term problems, such as heart problems, lung problems, etc., will probably visit both hospital ERs and doctors' offices several times before they pass so be prepared. Everyone will love you for it. 4. Be prepared to describe recent (current) problems, the reason you called an ambulance, the reason for a routine office visit: Routine office visit: No changes since last visit? If so, be prepared to relay what kinds of changes (decrease in memory more pronounced, not recognizing you or other family members that he knew before the last office visit. Emergency calls: Be prepared to tell the EMTs/doc about the problem(s) that made you call the ambulance today that couldn't wait until being seen tomorrow: Increased dizziness with a fall/broken bone/unable to control patient safely all of a sudden and concerns of hurting himself, blackouts, chest pain, stroke symptoms, things that constitute a major change in his behavior, gait, etc. Please don't start into things that happened 3 weeks ago that have no real impact on today's emergency. As Jack Webb always said, "Just the facts, ma'am." 5. Important documents and info for those documents include: a. An ID sheet: name, address, phone #, date of birth, at least two emergency contacts with home and cell #s, physicians' names and phone #'s (you won't have their cell #'s, of course, but it's helpful to have phone #'s listed anyway, allergies/sensitivities of meds and foods, list of diagnoses, recent surgeries/hospitalizations/ER visits, med list including name of med, # of mg/mcg/iu, how often and when taken, pharmacy name and phone number, spouse's name (add "deceased" if true). These are the main, immediate items that helped us out so much in the ERs I worked in. 6. You'll be asked the following either in the ER or once the patient is situated in his hospital bed: "Social history": Lives alone/lives with wife/lives with relative (name/phone #), spouse alive & well/deceased, career/job (was a carpenter before retiring), number of children. "Family history": Mother & father lived to age whatever and died from whatever. How many brothers and sisters, approximate age of their deaths and from what. Children/grandchildren with diseases: early-found heart disease, cancers, etc. 7. Other documents: A copy of the patient's "Do Not Resuscitate" order (DNR), a copy of his living will, a copy of power-of-attorney and health-care power-of-attorney.
Having said all this, you may never need to use any of these suggestions but I think having completed this work before any further episode happens will make your life and those of others who take care of your relative so much easier and reassuring. You can email others with any changes in meds or anything else but at the age most of our parents and spouses are now, you won't have to make many changes. I'm new here, am finding your comments and suggestions so very helpful (esp. the ones of you who are venting like I often feel the need to do!), and am taking much of your statements to heart. Hope this helps someone! Warm hugs to you all!
I know I will be jumped on with both feet from all sides, but....this will not last forever. And when you just can NOT do it any more, you don't have to.
Some of these have been stated I think in some way: 1. Therapeutic lying 2. Learn to take care of yourself in this Journey 3. Repeat to yourself-"it is the Disease" when things happen 4. Make list of things you would like help with no matter how small & when people ask you how can they help-hand them the list and ask them to pick something on the list. 5. Join a support group-if possible in your area 6. Do not use logic with your person (even though we want to) 7. Understand that you will at times get frustrated and upset 8. No the difference between guilt and regret: Guilt=is when we do something intentionally that may cause some kind of harm. Regret=Is when we wish we would of done something differently or handle something differently. 9. Work on positive thoughts and not negative thoughts (Example: This Caregiving is hard I just do not feel successful-negative thought; Positive Thought=This Caregiving is hard and I am doing the best I can to take care of my loved one) 10. The Care Receiver may react to your facial expression or the tone of your voice as appose to what you are saying-Smile (when you do not feel like it) pleasant voice(even when you feel like it). 11. Be creative and find and learn different ways of doing things.
I just printed out a Caregiver Journal by "The Brookdale retirement program" and they can help us to face the day. Also, since I am a Christian who loves the Lord Jesus Christ, it is my privilege to be an official Care Partner with the Assisted Living personnel here at Go Ye Village in Tahlequah, OK. The opportunity is a challenge but God is faithful. We have a memory care support group that meets to help those who are the care partners. There is help, so try to find it. Remember the promise "to have and to hold from this day forward"? Never did it mean to just be having and holding when times were all okay. But "before God and man till death do us part". My wife wanted to move to AL over two years ago and she is happy there, but at times is NOT happy, what does that mean? I try my best to not tell her everything since she can't handle that so I try to tell her the good things when it is in her best interest and mine. Learning to lean on Jesus is my best advice for anyone who has to face the disease of dementia in a care partner setting.
Aging Care is wonderful in answering many questions. Another web site is Alzheimer's Reading Room. It also has a lot of tips on what to do. Laugh a lot and don't take things so seriously.
We must remember to never correct an Alzheimer's or Demensia Sufferer, but rather cajole Them in a nice way. I made that mistake with My Por Mother, and I never repeated My mistake again. There's so much I did not know since I began Caring as a Novice Who hadn't a clue, but like so many of You Carers, We became Carers out of Love.
# 88?? Someone's comments reminded me of all the wonderful adaptive devices out there, so many that most of us never dreamed were available. If you are having a problem with something chances are someone has invented a solution for it, everything from simple adaptive dinnerware like nosey cups and plate bumpers to sophisticated devices to help with transfers and to get someone up off the floor. Years ago I was given a catalogue from a supplier and I was amazed. I doubt anyone prints catalogues any more but spending time trolling through some web sites can be worth your time.
Hopefully, you will have discussed, previously, with your parent(s) matters to do with aging and have all consulted with an eldercare lawyer to do the paperwork. Wills. Transfer deed of house to children (with life tenancy). Durable power of attorney. Living Will. All that boring legal stuff, done in early days, (because once the dementia kicks in, there is a 5 year lookback period if they need to get on Medicaid). I know it's hard to determine what time of life this should be done, but I so worry about the 5 year lookback.... My mother had to revise her will when she still had mild dementia, we went to the lawyer and had a lovely visit, and then they asked I step outside while they talked to mom alone! My palms were sweating, believe me, I thought for sure mom was in there telling them about the people from the tv shows who were living in her basement! But all went well. We got there in the nick of time, I think.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
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Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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Terminator 2: Judgment Day:
"Hasta la vista, baby" became a world-famous catchphrase when it was used in the 1991 film Terminator 2: Judgment Day, which was written by James Cameron and William Wisher Jr. The phrase is featured in an exchange between the film's characters John Connor (Edward Furlong) and The Terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger):
Me, I like pasta.
My favorite quote from Terminator "...It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with..." The takeaway, DON'T ARGUE with them, this is a hard lesson, but I have learned it for sanity sake. As long as they are not hurting themselves etc. try to tolerate it as much as humanly possible. As they get worse, they won't understand you anyway, a complete waste of energy for you to get into it with them, plus it makes you emotionally unbalanced and makes you feel bad. Be like a duck and let it just wash off your back.
Try to get as much sleep as possible, you are going to need it as the disease becomes more difficult. No sleep ----- gives you a heart attack or cancer. Sleep is a healer.
WHAT TO DO ABOUT NEWS - When my cousin got breast cancer I asked the drs if I should tell mom - I got great advice ... if mom would normally see her & mom would be noticed when L was absent then tell her but otherwise don't -
I follow this advice also with sharing 'good' news like a new baby coming in family but hold back 'bad' news like a death of someone she was close to - when dealing with dementia I have learned that when in doubt always go to the side of kindness because bad news will make them upset & they often won't remember why ... which doesn't help anyone
We can get tips on shortcuts, shortbreads, and short cuts to making shortbread.
Tips on surviving the holidays, on how to sneak in a nap or two while caregiving.
And how if one does not drink enough water, all the things that can happen.
There may even be repeat tips, short tips, cleaning up tips, walking tips, and
braise short-ribs tips. There can be favorite tips that another caregiver offered that helped our loved ones, or helped us cope.
What about that, Moecam? Want your thread expanded?
If you're caring for someone who needs constant attention, there is no question that you will need relief at some point. Just setting aside a few minutes for a walk in the park or a chat with a friend can make a world of difference. "We've found that we can significantly reduce stress by giving the caretakers mini-respites—even 30-minute breaks occasionally," Dr. Mahoney says. Federal legislators have also acknowledged that unpaid caregivers need occasional vacations. In 2006, the Lifespan Respite Care Act was passed to provide relief services for family caregivers. You can find information on respite services available near you by going to the website of the ARCH National Respite Network.
Paint the wall behind the toilet red, that also makes it easier for the person to find, plus red is a warm color which gives off the impression that the room is warmer.
Another idea, paint the bathroom door a different color so the person will know which door is the bathroom.
For those who don't know I am POA [both] for my 91 year old mother & 'legs' for my father [94] who still does his own affairs but I will become his POA when he can no longer do so on his own - as I approach 70 this keeps me busy but many of you are in much heavier demands than I have & I can't say how much I admire what some of you are doing & at many times to the detriment of your own life/health/etc .... kudos on you
This site is so great as it both teaches us but also allows the venting we all need to do - congratulations to all
I would add two things to all the comments above (and these may have already been stated; kudos to those who may have already posted:
1. A routine. I found that a daily routine that could be followed as much as possible helped my dad who had Pick's disease and my mom who has dementia deal better with getting through the day. I don't know how he knew it but if I missed his usual afternoon ice cream at 3 p.m., he'd call me on it at 3:02 p.m.! He couldn't tell time either analog (?right word) or digitally but he knew when he was supposed to have ice cream!
2. Argumentative? Redirection. I was my daddy's little girl and it was hard but I learned that it was useless to argue with him about what he was supposed to do or when. I kept a couple of old family albums nearby and would pull one out and ask him about a couple of pictures. We'd talk a bit and then I could get him to take his meds or whatever needed to be done. They quickly forget everything that happened seconds before.
3. Comments about important papers. I worked in hospitals and doctors' offices for 30+ years. One thing I learned and have shared with many friends that a: have a copy of all important documents in a clear plastic bag attached to the refrigerator or somewhere where the patient can't get it but emergency personnel can. b. Every family member who has contact with your relative should have copies of the same material you give the EMTs. c. Every doctor and hospital that your relative visits should also have the same material. It is impossible for you to remember every drug, every diagnosis, and every allergy that your loved one has when you're in a crisis mode. Those patients with long-term problems, such as heart problems, lung problems, etc., will probably visit both hospital ERs and doctors' offices several times before they pass so be prepared. Everyone will love you for it.
4. Be prepared to describe recent (current) problems, the reason you called an ambulance, the reason for a routine office visit: Routine office visit: No changes since last visit? If so, be prepared to relay what kinds of changes (decrease in memory more pronounced, not recognizing you or other family members that he knew before the last office visit. Emergency calls: Be prepared to tell the EMTs/doc about the problem(s) that made you call the ambulance today that couldn't wait until being seen tomorrow: Increased dizziness with a fall/broken bone/unable to control patient safely all of a sudden and concerns of hurting himself, blackouts, chest pain, stroke symptoms, things that constitute a major change in his behavior, gait, etc. Please don't start into things that happened 3 weeks ago that have no real impact on today's emergency. As Jack Webb always said, "Just the facts, ma'am."
5. Important documents and info for those documents include: a. An ID sheet: name, address, phone #, date of birth, at least two emergency contacts with home and cell #s, physicians' names and phone #'s (you won't have their cell #'s, of course, but it's helpful to have phone #'s listed anyway, allergies/sensitivities of meds and foods, list of diagnoses, recent surgeries/hospitalizations/ER visits, med list including name of med, # of mg/mcg/iu, how often and when taken, pharmacy name and phone number, spouse's name (add "deceased" if true). These are the main, immediate items that helped us out so much in the ERs I worked in.
6. You'll be asked the following either in the ER or once the patient is situated in his hospital bed: "Social history": Lives alone/lives with wife/lives with relative (name/phone #), spouse alive & well/deceased, career/job (was a carpenter before retiring), number of children. "Family history": Mother & father lived to age whatever and died from whatever. How many brothers and sisters, approximate age of their deaths and from what. Children/grandchildren with diseases: early-found heart disease, cancers, etc.
7. Other documents: A copy of the patient's "Do Not Resuscitate" order (DNR), a copy of his living will, a copy of power-of-attorney and health-care power-of-attorney.
Having said all this, you may never need to use any of these suggestions but I think having completed this work before any further episode happens will make your life and those of others who take care of your relative so much easier and reassuring. You can email others with any changes in meds or anything else but at the age most of our parents and spouses are now, you won't have to make many changes. I'm new here, am finding your comments and suggestions so very helpful (esp. the ones of you who are venting like I often feel the need to do!), and am taking much of your statements to heart. Hope this helps someone! Warm hugs to you all!
1. Therapeutic lying
2. Learn to take care of yourself in this Journey
3. Repeat to yourself-"it is the Disease" when things happen
4. Make list of things you would like help with no matter how small & when people ask you how can they help-hand them the list and ask them to pick something on the list.
5. Join a support group-if possible in your area
6. Do not use logic with your person (even though we want to)
7. Understand that you will at times get frustrated and upset
8. No the difference between guilt and regret: Guilt=is when we do something intentionally that may cause some kind of harm. Regret=Is when we wish we would of done something differently or handle something differently.
9. Work on positive thoughts and not negative thoughts (Example: This Caregiving is hard I just do not feel successful-negative thought; Positive Thought=This Caregiving is hard and I am doing the best I can to take care of my loved one)
10. The Care Receiver may react to your facial expression or the tone of your voice as appose to what you are saying-Smile (when you do not feel like it) pleasant voice(even when you feel like it).
11. Be creative and find and learn different ways of doing things.
A list of some of my experiences.
I made that mistake with My Por Mother, and I never repeated My mistake again. There's so much I did not know since I began Caring as a Novice Who hadn't a clue, but like so many of You Carers, We became Carers out of Love.
Years ago I was given a catalogue from a supplier and I was amazed. I doubt anyone prints catalogues any more but spending time trolling through some web sites can be worth your time.