Abuse of caregiver. Advice?

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Abuse of caregiver. Advice?

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No one is angry at you. In your own words, you said that you could get help but not with the cats? Right. but you would not put them in a shelter. So it is best, I suppose to keep them "safe" in the home where you are? It's really confusing. Now you are saying you will be homeless, but really as a 58 year old, disabled/mentally or physically women, you can get shelter. There are women's shelters/ Not great but they are there UNTIL you can get it together again and find a job. this is the United States, and there is help. But you have to be willing to take it. You said the reason you can't get help is because of the cats. You worry and yet you live with them being abused in that home with that abuser. It really does not make sense. There are women who have, with small children, and just the clothing on their backs, gone to shelters. Not the best place in the world, but better than where they were. If they can do it, so can you. No one is angry, but you have said "no" to many of the posts so far. You give constnt reasons why yu can't do this or that. It is always a "yes, but". Well, if you think that there is no way out, then I ask you this: Why did you even write us for suggestions and ask us to continue giving you suggestions. Life is tough. No question. You are not alone. You are not the first to suffer and you certainly will not be the last. Nothing will happen until you are willing to accept less than "comfortable surrundings for awhile. You did say that there are options but that your fears stop you from taking the options available. That means help is out there. If you suffer mental illness, there is help for that too. There are free hospitals for the indigent (poor). There is also Medicaid, but that takes awhile. If you are in a true emergency situation healthwhise or you are in serious danger, you can get help. It may not be "comfortable", or easy, but it is there. The alternative is to stay where you are. You do have choices; you may not like those choices, but they are there. I have worked with the poor, the disenfranchised, with abused women who left with the clothes on their backs and in shelters so I know that it IS available. You can choose to live in the street, but again that is a choice. You do not have to stay in the street. There are people who come around in Vans who get people off the street and into shelters. I know this because I have worked and volunteered in these areas. Again, no one is angry. You have choices. It is up to you. And, I am sorry that YOU feel that way. You have a computer and the abllity to make all those calls. Good. That means you also have the ability to get help.

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If you live in Dallas Texas go to shelters for women
If you don't live in Dallas, call anyway, give the name of your town, and let them give you a number. You don't have to be homeless. I am quite sure, that my final post will get a "yes, but". I hope you will be ready before something really awful befalls you. Not sure if you said that the woman you care for his being abused, but I would report that after I leave. If he abused her once, chances are, he will continue to do so. Abuse is never a one-time event. it escalates. You can call Adult Protectdive Services for her anonymously. As you are under 65, I do not know if they can help you but they may be able to refer you to someone who will. You have to be your own agent until you find someone who will help you.

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Shelters are FULL. They don't cater to victims of abuse at the hand of EMPLOYER (only domestic violence). Why can't y'all hear me? I dont have the option to stay here anymore, either. IVE GOT TO GET OUT, PER MY EMPLOYER. Everyone says there are options, but somehow, when you're actually in need of those options, they're not there. No one will take my cats and no one will take us.. ,I dont have computer, but I do have smartphone. I make calls all day. You're sorry I feel WHAT WAY? Scared? Alone? I am too.

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Shelters for homeless women (not domestic violence)cater to people ... all people without a place to live. . I really have run out of things to say to you. A smartphone costs money.... so you must have some. I am sorry that you feel there is no way out. As long as yu feell that way, there is no way out, there will be no way out. You need to do more than make calls. You need to leave that house. You need to show up at the Police station. Say I am homeless. Do something. . You are playing "poor me, I am a victim and there is no way I can be helped". There are people in far worse shape than you who have gotten help. People with no money cant afford smart phones with unlimited plans. just saying.... this all does not gel together. Maybe someone else will take over at this point. Personally, I have given my best to this. As have a lot of people on here. You have decided that nothing is going to work. You have decided to be a victim. You don't have to be a victim. Only you can make the choice. I am sorry for yur situation, but that is where it ends. Get help. Good luck.

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Dallas, have you contacted any of the churches in your area? I wouldn't think it would make much difference what religion you are. Try them all. Often they will help when no one else does.

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Yes, I have tried several churches. They avoid me like the plague. The only suggestion they have is shelters. Thank you, I do not mean to sound ungrateful. I am grateful to any and all suggestions, and I try to follow up on all of them.

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Dallas are you located in Texas? Because here in NY they have been the biggest help to many....Have you checked with any veternarians if they could direct you to people or organizations (some are small and private) who could be able to foster your cats.

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You only have to find that one caring person or place to help you. I know it would be difficult...also I needed to find a home for 2 nice kitties and placed an ad on Craig's List; lo and behold they were adopted within a week by a very nice couple....perhaps you could them a foster family this way.

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Yes, I am in Dallas.

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I am surprised nobody has suggested contacting the Department of Labor and Dallas need a Labor Law attorney. These "employers" are illegally employing her. Slavery was aboloished years ago! If this story is true this case could be worth alot of money! Though it is an incredible story that has evolved from having no place to go to she has to get out.

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I am so sorry that y'all find my story suspicious or shady. Maybe it's panic setting in on my part. I do tend to get upset, but I'm trying hard to stay calm and clear-headed as possible. But I'm scared--no doubt about it. I'm alone, and just that fact is scary enough. I dont have any family left to stand by me or support me. That's hard!! Thank you, gladimhere, for that Dept of Labor suggestion. I was thinking along those lines, too, but have had to prioritize and try to find a place to go instead. I'll call them next week, hopefully. Btw, y'all, I've been making a little money here, and that's why I have a smartphone. It's Metropcs, and it costs $45 per month, not unlimited data usage,but I've been using their wifi.

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Call these folks:

http://www.genesisshelter.org/

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Tomorrow I have to be out. He posted eviction notice on my door. But I've known this was coming. It's time for me to leave. He has actually been bugging me about WHAT EXACT TIME I will be leaving, and i told him to leave me alone, I didn't even know where I was going yet!! He's so rude. I guess I'm going to rent a uhaul van, load up my stuff and my cats, and just get the heck out of here! That's what's got to be done immediately.

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I've called Genesis frequently. Always full

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Coming from a lifestyle of abuse. This is a highly dangerous station if you are not well how can you care for your cats. My heart goes out to you. I will pray that he gets stopped he is sick. I will also pray that a door opens for you to leave with her cats.

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I suspect that you have some mental health issues. Perhaps that is what is in your background that is getting your way ... ?

We have been trying to help you regarding your cats. We have been trying to help you regarding a place to stay temporarily.

But maybe the help you really need is about mental health issues. Is that the situation? You don't have to hide that from us.

Have you been treated for a mental health problem in the past? Can you contact the clinic or program that helped you? Do you need help finding resources for counseling and medicines? Are you on disability? Do you need help finding out how to apply for that?

Maybe we should start all over, but with all the cards on the table about your real needs. You can see that many people here would like to help you.

You story doesn't really hang together coherently. But that would be understandable if you are dealing with mental illness, and especially if you are trying to avoid explaining that.

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Without any insurance, and disability takes a long time to get, the only way is to go to the ER and say you are a danger to self or others. That gains admittance. But, don't know for how long. It is a tough situation to be in No relatives? Family? Friend? Anyone? Maybe through one of the organizations mentioned? Problem is many of the mentally ill are homeless.

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Let me see if i can clarify. You have been receiving fragments because it's too long to write in one message. So maybe that hasn't helped understanding. But a lot of the abuse stems from fact that they know I have nowhere to go. They know that's the way to upset me. A long time ago, she i first moved in, they set up this manipulative game which I fell for where she would accuse me of stealing or something like that and order me to leave, then recant and beg me to stay. This happened many, many times. Then the son figured out that leaving was my weakness, because I brought fear to me, so every time he flew into a rage (often), he told me to leave, then recanted. All during this time, I consistently cared for his mother, and that never changed, but I changed. I fell into deep depression, and that gave him power. So he continuously browbeat me, harassed me, calling me names like white trash, and I would beg him to stop. He controlled me, at least in his eyes, and the abuse escalated......yes, I'm being treated for depression, but i think I'm okay. He underpaid me, I needed to go to Dr and begged him to help financially, and he refused. Over and over. But at times, he would be very nice and helpful, giving me extra money for this and that, and telling me I could stay until whenever.....round and round we went. Pretty soon, it became his game, and he would hit me. When i finally called police on him, everything changed. He became hostile. And it went downhill....he said he wanted me to leave, I said I wanted to leave....and I've been trying to work it all out until the other day when he posted eviction notice on my door. That's why, when I first started posting this, he hadn't evicted me yet. On one of the occasions she police were summoned, he slammed me hard into a cabinet, injuring my back further, it seemed (I already had pain, but it worsened). When I say I can't walk, I mean my legs start spasming severely after a few steps and i have to bend over and preferably sit down to alleviate. I've been seen 3 times with no real results yet. Everything I've told y'all is true.. .it probably just didn't make sense because it was so fragmented. At least I HOPE I'm not as mentally ill as you think I am.

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Another abusive act: The closet I my too has a roof leak that has been active for the 2.5 years I've been here, never repaired. For a while, I thought I was getting sick from it (mold, mildew, etc) because I had all kinds of infections. Last spring when we had so much rain, it was really awful. So I have had no closet to put things in, and coupled with the fact that I've been threatened to leave so many times, I've lived out of boxes. That seems to B what delights my abuser the most--to make my daily life as difficult as possible: Not enough money, no way to get organized, no privileges. On the day I first called police, he removed all televisions (except mom's), denied me further computer access (I was free to use their laptop until then--I also had my own, but it died), ....he even told me I could no longer use their ice!! Daily, he would tell me something I could no longer do. One day in a rage, he forced me to transfer 90% of my belongings to storage, leaving me with just a few small boxes and son clothes --making it so difficult to find things. He also put 8 old, broken dining room chairs in my room for storage (further de-emphasizing any importance I thought I might have) and removed the bed I had slept on. He later put just the mattress back in, so now my room look like a storage shed with a mattress thrown on the floor in the corner for me to sleep on. No lamps, tables, anything.....and my closet I a cesspool of standing water I have to collect in buckets.....if I didn't, I guess everything would be flooded......oh, and the times everything has flooded, I was the entire cleanup crew.....now,that's mental illness, if you ask me. One day as he was toss in me around and pulling my hair,sticking his fist in my mouth, etc, he called me white trash and i made a remark about ...oh, and THIS is what the high-class white people do. Right? BEAT ON THEIR HELP!!!!

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Now, let me remind you....these are upper middle class people who trace in very elite circles, and this family of four brothers went to all the same schools I did!! I actually went to school with his brother from first grade through high school!

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So what is happening today, Dallas?

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Today, he came to me and asked if I'd figured anything out yet, especially for my cats. I told him no, and he said that, although he was not official granting me more time or anything like that, he would not call the lawyer and ask him to enforce the eviction because it would cost double on the weekend, and he wasn't going to do that, effectively granting me a reprieve until Monday.

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VERY INTERESTING......in Friday's Dallas Morning News North Dallas supplemental neighborhood magazine, there's a section called "Sounding Off" where people in those neighborhoods express opinions about a topic. This week, it was "Domestic Violence." A common opinion expressed was the shortage of shelters/temp living for abused women and their children. Apparently, the mayor has recently released a report detailing the city's ineffectiveness regarding tho issue, and over 600 injured parties were denied safe lodging due to lack of available shelter space. People were upset about the report and most stated that the city needed to step up all aspects of help available for victims of domestic violence.

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So, Dallas, what are you going to do Monday?

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Abusers CAN BE VERY KIND. That's how they maintain control. Abusive husbands tell their wives how much they love them and that no one will ever love them as much as they do....that's how the husband maintains control over his wife. In between bouts of abuse, he makes her feel good, which makes it harder for her to leave. My boss, at times, would B VERY kind to me....he used to call me "Princess," and buy me things, like a $100 pair of reading glasses. But then, the rage would take over, and he would turn violently against me again. But he has justified his behavior now by convincing himself that he has been helping me for the past 2.5 yrs--keeping me sheltered and not homeless. He forgets that when first moved in, I was hired as a companion/aide for his mother. Before I moved in, I worked for $10/hr on weekends caring for his dying father and his ailing mother who was recovering from a stroke. His father died, and hence I moved in to care for his mother. He now treats me as a nuisance-)just a needy person who takes advantage of HIS kindness and generosity. I don't argue with him anymore. I just need to leave. He gets angry with me because I'm not more grateful, never stopping to think of the peace of mind he has because of my presence--I have been here, in tho house, every single day for the past 2.5 years.

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I'm so sorry that son of you find my story fraudulent. I could not make this stuff up. This is the way it has happened. It doesn't make sense to you, and it most certainly doesn't make sense to me. I have been in a state of shock for the longest time....thats one reason I want to tell my story--I would never have believed it could even happen, especially in an upscale neighborhood of the "elite." I walked around with my mouth dropped open for months, especially when he would be in a rage episode and start beating on me. I just couldn't imagine it was realm happening. I guess I don't blame you for doubting, but every word I say is true.....

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And i still have no idea what I'm going to do come Monday, other than load up a rental van and drive off......

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Lawyers don't enforce evictions. Sheriffs do. It does not "cost more" on Sunday. Sounds like this guy is just jerking you around again.

My advice in my first response to you is my advice tonight: Get Out! If he kindly "gives " you another week, don't take it. Get Out.

Rent that u-haul, rent a storage unit, put your stuff in storage, put the cats in a no-kill shelter, return the truck, present yourself at a homeless shelter.

Just Get Out.

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Jeanne: I, too, suggested that she GET OUT NOW.

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Surprise!! I dont have to save today, I've been told. He's not paying me the nrmal weekly salary, however. He says that's all the money he has and that he had to give money to the lawyer to evict me. Sounds silly, I know. It's almost like he doesn't really want me to leave. I told him it would be very difficult for me to go ANYWHERE without ANY MONEY. In the past week (2 paydays), he's given me $300 which translates to $150/wk. Hard to do much with that.

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Abuse of caregiver. Advice?

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