My 93 year old mother was able to live independently with my help until last weekend, when she suddenly started hearing and seeing things and became extremely paranoid. She spent several days in the hospital, and they ruled out any physical issues. Just in those few days, her short term memory and understanding has declined and she's a fall risk. The doctor feels she is psychotic and has dementia, needs 24/7 care, and wants to adjust her medications while she does PT in rehab to strengthen her and then assess if she needs long term care or can move to assisted living.
I took my Mom from the hospital to rehab yesterday. Because of Covid, she is quarantined for two weeks while they follow the doctor's plan. A few hours later she called and begged me to come get her. I calmed her down as best I could, and told her I'd call her today. Then I spoke to her nurse, who said my Mom was fine until she called me. The doctor is to see her this morning and the nursing staff will update me.
The rehab center has an excellent rating, reviews, and is recommended by friends, and I have met several of the staff, who I felt very reassured by. I feel terrible, but also know that she needs 24/7 care in the hopes that she'll improve. The senior social worker told me that the other rehabs in the area have the same basic process. I know she's safe and cared for, but it's very difficult.
What experiences have you had with this situation, and what advice do you have?
Thank you!
It may well be in your mother’s best interests NOT to call her at least for a day or two, until the staff gets a good picture of how she’s reacting and dealing with the new situation. If you make brief calls to her caregivers once or twice a day, it will also help YOUR anxiety, and YOU NEED to be good TO YOURSELF TOO!.
Stay the course.
My advice would be to look ahead to the outcome your mother's doctors and rehab team are hoping for, and encourage your mother to do the same. She feels terrible and perhaps afraid at the moment, but very soon she won't feel so bad. She wants to come home, and if she sticks with the program that's what everybody hopes will happen, very soon.*
It is horrible for those who can only stand and wait. Hugs to you.
*It is possible that the assessment will say otherwise, and in that case there will be a plan that's as close as you can get to what she is happy with; but leave that discussion 'til later. For now, stick to eyes on the prize!
And she would tell me they were trying to Kill her, not fill her.
One thing to be aware of, though -- my mother remained angry at me. She did not see me as doing what was best for her.
Her cognition increased swiftly and dramatically from the time she entered the hospital. (I think she was able to mask her decline before that because she was able to control her environment.) She descended into paranoia and dementia. She had one pretty lucid day in the following months.
She would call me and beg me to take her home, saying they were trying to fill her, that we could make it work at home, etc.
There was no way I could or was going to do that. Since she had a gallbladder drainage tube, she had to be in a SNF, rather an AL. Before the gallbladder infection occurred, she might have qualified for an AL. People take care of these gallbladder drainage tubes at home, but 24 hr. care would have been necessary (because of her dementia), and that wasn't practical.
So expect your mother to continue to beg you to take her home. Be very clear about what you can and cannot/will and will not do if that were to happen. Strongly consider keeping your mother in a facility of some kind.