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I agree with the above who posted that not all nursing homes are bad, and it would behoove you to keep investigating. Granted, you have to be a vocal person and if you have concerns do not hesitate to voice them. Being attentive and visiting often is far better than ruining your own remaining years. As a former Nursing Home Administrator, I can tell you that the families who demanded good care, got it. Nobody wants to see the face of a "constant complainer" approaching their office, but a good nursing home is open to hearing legitimate concerns, and will address them.
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I used to feel guilt when I needed to get away. Then my own health began suffering due to the stress. I have COPD on top of anxiety & complications from surgery 4 years ago, also. It IS possible to still be a caregiver with disabilities, depending on what is required to do, if course. I felt dangerously close to having a stroke (still do sometimes) until I found this forum. It helped me understand the toll this takes on me & how very important it is to get away when possible. Do not feel guilty...this has got to be one of the highest stress jobs I know of. We must do whatever we can & whenever we can to take care of ourselves, too.
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Respite is necessary in the long run for sure...My wife was at home with me for two years after a massive stroke..she could not stand, was paralyzed on one side and could not speak...I had paid ladies come in for about 8 hours total a week....After two years my heart gave out...After that I was unable to take her back home and she has been in full nursing home care for the past seven years...I go to visit morning and noon and pay ladies to sit with her at the dinner hour...It is a handful for me but at the same time, most of the day I am free.
I learned that obtaining the right care is more important by far, than financial considerations...I don't want to be the richest guy in the cemetery..

You may be able to make an arrangement with your partner that each of you have a full day off each week until you make other arrangements.....24 hours off..no contact with grams at all for the one on "break"...
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We live near family, and we get no help. We contacted the State, for Elderly Care. We able to have her in Adult Day Care. At first she didn't want to go. But, after the 2nd day, she LOVED it. She now has friends. Although, she can't tell us what she did there, or what she ate, it give me time off 5 days a week. Plus in home nurses when needed. You would be surprised. Worth a call. I never thought she would go for it, but she now looks forward to "school". We all need time off!! It is better for all involved.
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I think the lack of sleep and stress have befuddled your thinking. If you keep on youvwill not be able to do anything for her. Can you manage better with help from company like Home Instead?
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Contact your local caregiver group (must be a gazillion folk in Florida with similar issues)

You definitely need respite care.

You also should look into a new home for her.
They are not all bad.
Local carers association should be able to recommend some to you.

You sound a wonderful God Daughter.
But with a bad back and stress related illness, you and your husband are going to break yourselves (very common with carers)

Look at short/medium/long term options for her care and some respite for you.

You are NOT selfish, it is abundantly clear that you have gone to huge lengths to care for your Godmother.
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Are you being selfish? NO! you need to take care of yourself, it is important to you, your partner and your Godmother. Guilt is such a strange emotion. I read your write up and thought "what an incredibly giving God-daughter, she must love her Godmother very much" and I can't imagine anyone seeing this any different. If only the other family members would kick it up a notch, but don't count on it. If your health fails who does take over? another great reason to take care of yourself. I know you had a bad experience in the past with a care facility, but they are not all like that. I'd start searching for another place that meets your requirements. You matter!!! don't underestimate the importance of your own health. Good luck.
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$120 per day for respite care is a deal if you take 24 hour care at $120 that's $5 an hour for care take it and be thankful. You need some time for yourself. Also not sure how you thought you could be a full time caregiver if you are disabled. You might want to reconsider placing her.
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No I find it very helpful and relaxing for me to get away from it all.it helps me to clear mind body and spirit. I come rejuvenate and able to be more calm and a where of my situation. Don't feel guilty it's ok to be free for a while if I didn't have me time I be in a hospital myself.
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Are you in a caregiver support group? Is it possible to "share" respite caregiving with other members of the group?
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