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I feel guilty for my husband being in hospice. I don't think he understands what that means.

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Hospice is compassionate.
I truly, deeply believe this.
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Reply to Suzy23
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No guilt, hon. You have done what is best for him, even if you are unsure right now.
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Reply to graygrammie
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Every time I took my mother to the hospital, it was a minimum of a 4 hour ordeal for nothing. Nothing was ever found that was new or could be treated, mom was seriously confused as to why she was there and kept insisting there was nothing wrong with her and she wanted to leave.....over and over again to the point I wanted to scream. There WAS no point in being there, truth be told. At ninety-something, everything hurts. And there's no real fix for it either, except a Xanax or a pain pill which the doctor isn't going to give you.

Hospice changes all that by taking away the useless and excruciating trips to the ER and bringing calming meds and or pain meds as needed. And wheelchairs and cushions and supplies up the wazzoo all free of charge, with nurses and CNAs to bathe the patient and rub lotion on their dry skin.

What's to feel guilty about? Creating more comfort and care for your DH? Because that's what hospice "means". Comfort care and no more needles and machines and doctors poking and prodding and saying I don't know. Being left in comfort to let nature take its course instead.

Let yourself off the hook for making the only decision that's in DHs best interest.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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https://www.agingcare.com/questions/husband-in-assisted-living-constantly-soaking-disposable-underwear-chair-and-bed-pads-and-his-clothi-497817.htm

Your last post was he was iinan Assisted Living. Is he still there? Why do you feel its not the right thing?

Hospice means he is getting more care. He will be kept comfortable. He does not have to know he is on hospice, he probably would not understand what that means anyway with his dementia. Its just more aides to take care of him. Hospice should be supplying depends, wipes, chuxs which is one thing you don't have to purchase.

Please, don't feel guilty. You need to do whats best for you too.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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It doesn't really matter that your husband doesn't understand as you do, and you are doing what you and I'm guessing his doctors thought best, so put aside the guilt and just appreciate the extra help and extra sets of eyes on your husband you're now getting.
And I can only guess that it's grief instead of guilt that you're actually feeling at this point in your husbands journey as often folks get the 2 confused.
I don't honestly think that my late husband understood that he was under hospice care in our home the last 22 months of his life either, and it didn't matter to me because I knew it was best for all involved.
I wish you well as you travel this difficult road with your husband, and kick that guilt to the curb.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Your husband would not have qualified for hospices services if it wasn’t appropriate. That means it was a good choice for him. If it becomes not a good choice, the hospice agency will discharge him from their services. Please focus on caring for your husband instead of useless guilt. You did nothing to cause his health issues, in contrast, you did the best things you could to help him. No worries about further explaining hospice, it really doesn’t matter. Stick with helping him as you can and holding his hand, that’s what matters. I wish you both peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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He doesn’t need to understand everything. YOU do, and that’s what’s important. You’re doing your best for him, and good for you! He’s lucky to have you as his advocate.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Based on my experience, the less they know what it means the more they really should be on hospice.

My sister the surgeon told me dad was on his way out a year or maybe 28 months before he went. He had dementia, but he wasn’t in pain, and he had control of his adls until one day he was found in a delirious heap. He had started the dying process. Same with fil when he died three years later.
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Reply to PeggySue2020
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You did the right thing and don't need to feel guilty. I suspect that your husband's doctors suggested or recommended hospice as the best placement at this time. Hospice is a very compassionate environment, maybe it would help to discuss your feelings with the caregivers. Does your husband have dementia? In any case, I am not sure it is important he understands. The caregivers may answer the questions he has, they should be trained on how to best address his concerns. Whether he is at home or in a facility, he is getting the best care for his situation. I wonder if your feelings of guilt are related to not being able to prevent the need for hospice, which is something out of your control. I felt guilty when my husband was sent to a psychiatric hospital after becoming aggressive in a ER; we caregivers tend to feel responsible for everything that concerns our LOs, even if there is nothing we can possibly do.
Try to make the time with your husband as serene and loving as possible, and seek or accept any help you can get. I am sorry you are going through such a hard and sad time. Others from this forum will have more advice, you are with friends here. A big hug to you.
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Reply to AnnaKat
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Hospice offers many benefits long before the very end. It opens the door for some Medicare benefits, and you can get a couple of home visits per week from a nurse. My husband has Alzheimer’s and someone on his respite team suggested he be evaluated for hospice, even though he is 5-7 years from the end. And if your husband is near the end, hospice can be an invaluable tool in helping you both navigate this phase of life. Take care, and don’t feel guilty for doing the best that you can.
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Reply to Quitecontrary
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Does the doctor agree with this decision ? Is he home with hospice care?

From your post, sounds kind he knows in part that something is not right..
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Reply to MAYDAY
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