My Dad is 80 and lives on his own. He was my Mom's primary caregiver until hospice came in 4 months before her passing two years ago. He suffered two small strokes a couple years ago after she passed. He recovered fairly well from the strokes but last month was hospitalized with kidney failure (probably due to dehydration). We live about a half hour away…we have cameras in his apartment and also check on him regularly with daily phone calls which is how we knew he wasn’t doing well and called the ambulance for him. (I am his only child and family close by… he calls me his guardian angel.) His kidney function improved but we found out he has a mass on his right kidney which he will have an MRI on in a few weeks. Dad has additional issues such as uncontrolled Diabetes, spinal stenosis, and neuropathy. He also has age-related memory loss, which is progressively getting worse… over the last few months he got lost coming to my house once (where I’ve lived over 20 years), and has had asked me for directions to his pharmacy and bank a couple of times. He also forgets to check his blood glucose and to take his his meds on a regular basis even with me calling him to remind him. (He just started insulin a month ago.)
A few weeks ago, Dad’s neurologist stated to him, and me, that with so much stuff going on it is ‘probably time for him to stop driving’ … but Dad feels like he’s fine. I took his car to my home when he was hospitalized. He was ok with me keeping it when he was hospitalized, but recently is becoming more upset and angry with me, insisting that he wants it back. It’s killing me thats he’s so upset.
I remind him of his health issues and reassure him that whenever he wants to go someplace, me or my husband will take him but he just wants his independence to go out when he wants. He lives in the middle of his town and could walk to many places (with his cane)... church, restaurants, pharmacy are within 1-3 blocks … but he can be unsteady at times and walking long distances can take a lot out of him. We already drive him to all his Dr appointments and bring him to our house for dinner when he’s feeling up to it. I am his POA. After many late fees, I handle his finances. I do his laundry, I fill his med box, he has a cleaning lady 2 times a month and we now have meals on wheels delivering lunch and dinner to him and are working on getting church volunteers to stop by his place to help with medication reminders. He’s grateful for all we do for him, and I can imagine how frustrating it is for him to be losing so much of his independence. Honestly I believe he needs to be in assisted living, but he refuses to leave his apartment. We are doing everything we can so he can stay there, but not having his car has caused him to become so very angry with me to the point where he hung up the phone on me tonight and said he’d be better off dead. This crushed my heart…….I know I shouldn’t, but I am second guessing if he should have his car back. Is there anything I could say or do to get him to react reasonably and reassure him?
I just read a 78 yr old lady is dead, after crashing her Jeep into a tree. They believe she had a medical emergency that rendered her unconscious before the crash. She was not wearing a seatbelt and upon transport to the hospital was declared dead.
You have to have a plan in place to take care of all of the tasks that dad used to do on his own. Once you take his keys, he now needs a ride everywhere and meds, groceries, dr. visits will require a ride for him. Having those things in place will help the transition. He will be pissed about it for a while. His safety and everyone else's safety trumps his mood about it.