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hi , my father was living with me till he had batreia infection in his urine. now he is in rehab tryin to get strong and he is too weak . when i took him to hospital the dr didnt think he was going to make it , was shock the next day that he had pulled thru .
now since he is gone whew !! i feel so much burden off my shoulders ! i can come and go as i please and i can sleep all day if i want to . my husband and i go out to eat and have time on our hands , before when dad was here i couldnt go anywhere ., wake up all night long takin him to bathroom , listenin to him wa wa waaaaaa . i tell you its hard work .
but when he gets better i am bringin him back home . winter is coming and yes he does gets a better care here at home than at nursing home . one on one is alot better than leave him hangin and wait till its his turn . he did say he wants to go back home . he will get his wishes , ill bring my daddy back when he gets better .
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lhardebeck,
Bless you. Wish I had my dad back. I would give anything to hear him. You are lucky.
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thank you ... yes i know that is why i am bringin him home . so i could enjoy him more .. :-) .. am sorry for your loss . i know one day i will have my loss too and it is so sad , i thought i about lost him , i tell you it tore me up , had me bawlin out in the hospital parkin lot . whew !! that was very very hard ....
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Yes, I know the pain. Almost lost dad a few times before he was ready to go. I will tell you this;When it is his time, he will know. Pop died with just his nurse and caregiver from hospice with him. Didn't want all the fuss. He died in his own bed, a gift that we were able to grant him. To this day, I mourn and it has been 4 years. Remember this, you are giving him such a precious gift by taking care of him with family around. Never doubt your decision. It won't be easy, but it will be right. Bless you.
Linda
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I took on my mom at her house in june of this year thinking it would be a short time. Its october now, and commuting, working full time and having school age children is tough. The hardest part is the nites of not getting sleep. Yes there are agencies out there but some parents dont want anyone they dont know. I am fortunate and blessed that a friend of hers helped me for several weeks so I could go home and get a break. I hate being away from my kids so much but in a way it has made us all strangely closer. The other hard thing is that as your parents age if you expect appreciation dont count on it too often. They get very self focused and they dont have a clue about all the things you are doing to make sure they are cared for. They get paranoid and think you are stealing from them, and they get cranky and moody.They also expect you to take care of their needs like yesterday. All of the extra time I have had with my mom has not been the best, I have spent most of the money she was going to leave me. I am not even sure she appreciates or understands all that my girls and I have done. I just pray it is over soon for her sake and mine and I hope I dont carry some of these memories with me and can only find the good ones. It is not the handholding sunset kissy goodbye thingy I would have wished for. But its not about me. She has been my best friend my mentor and always there for me when no one else was, So I am trying my hardest to make it a goodbye she would have wanted. I am looking back over the last 6 months now with tears running down my face thinking this has been the hardest time of my life. Would I do it again? yes. Havent been out much, or done anything fancy in awhile. But I have been where I was wanted and needed. Cleaning up armloads of poo and pee, and yea we have laughed more times than we have cried. She is all the things in a mom I hope I can be one day when I grow up. Trust your instincts you will know what to do.
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My Mom and I talked years ago about what she wanted if she needed that kind of care.
She ask me not to be the one to take care of her, she said that she would want to be in a NH, that it would make her feel horrible if I had to change her and do personal things like that.
I wanted to be the one to always take care of her but I think it was for myself, not her.
She's as happy as she can be where she's at and I go visit every other day.
I think she actually gets better care there then if she were with me-they know how to handle things much better then I do.
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thats good that is where your mom wants to be at . my father is like a small child , whiney wants me , he wants to be with family . he does not like to be aound pepole that he doesnt know . shows no interst in strangers ,
wants to be at home where his families are , so you are lucky that ur mother doesnt want that .
i for one , dont like nursing home . and i hope someday my girls willin to take care of me cuz i think i be just like my father hahaha . hopefully i be dead before i get too old and feeble ... cuz i dont like what i am seeing at that old old age ....
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I have to agree with you on the old age thing.
What-where-when are the Golden Years ??!!
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I have to laugh. All three of my girls have told me that they wont be taking care of me like they all have been helping me take care of my mom lol....I told them not to worry.....I will be buying a one way ticket to alaska and find myself a snowbank to walk into! Qwik and cold...a nursickle! cancer sucks.
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ddarkangel .. who has cancer ? yes they sucks , it killed my mother 20 yrs ago . watch her die from that sure is hell ...
by the way ill join you to alaska !! lalala think they serve margiritta ???
am bringin dadhome on tuesday , trying to gather up all the firewood i can get for the winter but i dont think im going able to do that since i will be staying home to take care of dad .
poor husband of mine , lucky my son said he will go help him . since he too need firewood to heat his house up .
got me a new grandbaby boy . proud mamaw i am ..
am not lookin frwd to be trap in my home and care for dad 24-7 again . its been 3 weeks since he went to hospital cuz of uti and now he is in rehab , that place is so depressing and they dont take good care of my dad . realy threw me offthe other day , shut him in his room withdoor closed and tv was not on and the nurse call button was hangin way out of his reach and caught him trying to get in bed from his wheelchair ! i arrived just in time to see all that . had to do some lit preaching to those young girls (cna).. u do not shut the door on my father , hahaha man u should seen thier red red face , all denied doing that , oh well whatever ....guess it be all well worth it when he gets backhome so i;ll know he s ok , no more worry warts ..
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I agree with the last person - we have moved in my mother - in law we are going on 7 weeks now - it is very difficult if you are used to your privacy and being free - it is like having an toddler again - she is into everything - we have had to baby proof our house and are on constant watch as to what she is doing - she hides things under her bed and moves things constantly - if you do this you need to be able to find a place to take her for the weekend so you can get a break - we both work so i take her to daycare in the morning and my husband picks her up in the afternoon. it is really hard - sometimes I wonder what am I doing on the other hand i wonder could I send her away now. Time will tell - the nice thing is she has good mobility and doesn't have urinary issues etc.
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lhardebeck, its my mom who has cancer. dxd in june and now about to pass. finally i got some 24 hr hospice nurses and meds that she wont spit out. It has been so hard and I am afraid I wont know what to do with myself when she is gone. Today the nurse asked her what she wanted and she said "lets get this sh**** over with!" I had to laugh. I think her wishes were quite clear LOL . anyhow, now she is getting her meds so she cant spit them out and she is more relaxed and not it pain and now i am more relaxed and going to bed. Tomorrow, I will have to face going on without my best friend, a mom who has always been there for me....I cannot imagine what that will be like.....one foot in front of the other......^V^
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I have been caring for my mother for nearly six years. She is bedridden, on a feeding tube, in diapers and can do nothing for herself. All meds have to be crushed and administered thru the tube. She was diagnosed with Hairy Cell Leukemia in 2003 and got an infection in her spine called Potts Disease . This was caused by the chemo the Leukemia. The destroyed her immune system. She cannot hear well or see well because of all the meds she has had to take. Six weeks after she was diagnosed with Leukemia, my daddy got sick and I had to care for both of them! I had to put him in a nursing home because I could not care for both of them. I chose to bring my mother home with me after she was in the hospital for 5 months for 3 surgeries to remove vertebrae from her spine because of the infection. It has been the most exhausting and all consuming thing I have ever done!! I had to quit my job. My husband has had to continue to work even though we had planned to be retiring by now. I dont regret doing what I am doing for her and cannot bear the thought of a nusing home. They are horrible!! BUT, please tke some time to really consider your choice of whether to bring your loved one home rather that a nursing home. No matter how much thought you put into your decision, there is no way to prepare yourself for what is ahead! Every day is a circus and you will feel like the coaster ride will never end. There will be days of joy and love and days of tears and frustration. Good luck with the decision and remember to try to take time for yourself!
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Hugs to all of you who are taking care of loved ones at home! We are noticing that the caregiving needs increase quickly, and it is very time-consuming. My heart goes out to all of you doing this alone. You are such an inspiration and help, as I learn from you, and glean from all you are experiencing. Thanks for posting and sharing your struggles.
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ginger123--May I ask where your from.
You said NH's are horrible, my Mom is in one and it is very nice.
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The decision to bring a parent into your home to care for is not an easy one. My mother has been living with us for going on 3 years. She is able to get around the house in her wheelchair and go to the bathroom on her own.

But watching your love one decline is not easy either at your home or in a nursing facility. Yes there will definetly be days that you are on a roller coaster as someone had mentioned. But then there are days you would not have it any other way but with you.

The decision to move mom in with us was easy for me, but not for everyone.
I care for her 24/7 I am the only child. My son does not help, but my daughter and her husband do at times. My husband just works and comes home and goes to bed.

I do have a homemaker that comes in 4 hours 5 days aweek. This helps some.

Today is not a good day for me. I do not have privacy at all. Never have time to myself in my own home. It is going to be one of those days I was talking about.

But yesterday was a different story. My mother and I laughed all day long. She was having a good day and I got to enjoy that time with her. She is not herself everyday so I try and enjoy the time we have together when she is herself. This brings back good memories from my childhood.

This is an example of how your days will go...
Good luck with your decision.....
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I think you have to do a lot of research of nursing homes - my decision to bring her home was because I didn't feel comfortable in making a fast decision and just picking a place for her to go. I did visit several homes and found 2 that I think would be suitable when the time comes. I looked at them as I did 15 years ago for child care - go and spend the day - talk to workers - they are the ones who will be caring for your mom - watch the transitions how well do they run - what do they do when it's bed time - our mom has moderate dementia - always wanting to go home - thinking we are her sisters or her brothers or her deceased husband - sundowners syndrome starts at about 3 and lasts until bedtime - it's good to ask the care givers if they have experience with the type of issues your mom has and ask if they have anyone else there with those issues - ask if you can talk to family members or watch how they deal with those people. The other difficult part is parenting a parent -especially since the "real parent" is really gone and now we are dealing with a different person.

I lost my mom suddenly 4 years ago - my heart goes out to you ddarkangel
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If the aging person is terminal or has a life threatening disease including cardiovascular/COPD/CHF consider hopice to determine if the person meets criteria, they can do wonders when it comes to caregiving issues and respites for the caregivers. Each state and county is different with some having more services than others but its definitely worth a look. Hospice works a lot like Home care but the pts have a diagnosed terminal diease Fl allows Alzheimers as a diagnosis.
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It's really an individual decision. You have to be prepared for that kind of responsibility both financially and emotionally. I used to think it was easy and it isn't. My sister and I had a very difficult time with this. I personally believe home is the best place. But, if you have to weigh things out --how this is going to affect your family. Adult Day Care is good because it allows you to have up to 8 hours a day of going to work or having that time alone while Mom or Dad spend a day with activities during the week.

If you can afford part-time help I also suggest having someone come in to help you. You can also go to your local senior resource center like we did and sign up for free respite services. A lady would come over for 6 hours a weekend for a year. We were on a waiting list but it was well worth it. Whatever you decide--make sure you have some help!!
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Not an easy decision either way. I tried with my Mom at my home. Only child, love my Mom, wanted her to be with us. Her Alzheimer's progressed pretty quickly. She became hallucinagenic, would wander all during the night. We tried locking down the house. She pulled the hinges off of the garage door by trying to repeatedly pushing the open button, while it was locked. She attended a wonderful day program, but became combative there and could no longer participate. Hired a day service and that worked well, still our home life became chaotic. It was difficult, but I had to make a decision based on the life of my own family. She has been in a secure alzheimer's facility for 2 years now. Does she still recognize me when she sees me, no. Some days are better than others. I know I sacrificed being able to care for her in a way that I always thought I would. There are no easy solutions.
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lhardeback,secretsister,roxie,lovingdaughter,and all the rest i cannot remember right now........My mother my angel, my mentor and best friend was born into heaven tuesday morning early. She peacefully took her last breath in no pain. The only pain is for those she has left behind. I will always wonder if I did everything right could I have handled things any better, been more patient had maybe one more good moment with her. I can only say I did the best I could, gave her all I had. I hope that I can be half of the woman that she was to me. It was a gift to be her child. I was more able because of all of your support and want to thank you all for your stories that gave me new ideas and uplifted me on long dark nites .It is still difficult to type without crying so I will be back in awhile. I hope you all are doing well. many many warm and thoughtfull embraces to all of you who are caring for loved ones. ^V^ mary
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So sorry to hear of your Mom passing.
Know that you did your best-thats all we can do.
God bless you.
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ddarkangel,
I am so sorry to hear of your mom's passing, but know this; you were a wonderful daughter who loved and cared for her mom with such grace. We are all praying for her and you and keep in your heart the knowledge that you did what so many will not do- you loved and cared for her till the end. Many blessings.
Linda
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am sorry for your loss . she died happy knowing u were so good to her and was with her till at the very end . bless your heart ..
i just came from nursing home and spend 3 hrs with dad duringhis lunch and walked him around and he wante dto go to bed . he was tired and told him i be back about suppertime , he s happy knowing that i come everyday and spend al the time i can with him . and i will continue to do that till his last final days .
they said they want to keep him one more week . so next weds he gets to come home .... cant wait !!
dont ever forget that youre a wonderful daughter , your mom s so lucky to have you ..
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I am sorry to hear of your Mom's passing..she was so lucky to have such a wonderful loving daughter who cared for her up to the very end. Never second guess what you did..you did the best you knew how..and with love..
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I am so sorry to hear of your mother's passing. I will keep you in mind and in my thoughts.
Remember you are the person you are today because of her.

And you made her last days good ones because you was with her all the way. You was there in the good times as well as the bad. But always remember you was there. It does not matter what was said, not said, done or not done.
You was with her always. It takes a special person to take care of our love ones.
Always remember you are very special.
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Dear Mary, bless your heart for caring for your Mom so well! My heart goes out to you. Praying for your comfort and peace. Take care, dear one! A
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Would it be possible for you to spend more time with her at where she lives now it is a big step bringing her to your home if you do is it possible for her to have her own space to live in-I would think long and hard about it first-from reading post here for about 2 years most women wish they had not done but if you could use the money she is paying now to hire help to care for her at your home esp. so you can get away for activities that you enjoy it may work out ok-could you give it a trial run for maybe two weeks to see how it goes before you decide for sure-it is a big step.
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hi there . when my dad was staying here i would wake up every 2 hrs to take him to bathroom . i lost alot of sleep and felt like i was caring for a baby . i got used to it after a while . now he got sick (almost lost him ) with uti . he is in rehab trying to get stronger which he is . needing to try to walk more .
well i felt alot better now i can sleep without waking up every 2 hrs , i feel at peace now . but this coming weds he will be coming back home here with me . in a way i am looking fwrd to have him back home but then again im not . cuz i am not ready to wake up every 2 hrs to take care of him . hopefully he'll sleep allnight which i doubt that , i want him home but then again i dont . i feel bad for feeling that way . he is my father i love him dearly . i know he wont be around forever . i go visit him 2 times a day and stay for few hrs theni would leave thinking i can sleep all night .
it is a very big step by taking your parent into ur home . its rough at first then it gets easier . i hardly go anywhere and when i do my daughter watches him for me . bless her heart .
i worry about him in rehab cuz i know he gets better treatment at home than he would there . low on staff and too many elders there .
i;ll do it again and again but i tell you it is peaceful when he is not here . its alot of work when he is here . its sad too to watch him becoming like a child like . like i said he wont be around forever and i get to spend every mins with him so i know its all worth it . washer machine is all the time running hahahaha .... poo and pee all the time . ahhhhhhh
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Wow! I marvel at all the heroes here. You giving angels are such an inspiration. Thanks for sharing your experience, strength and hope, and words of wisdom. Little do you know who you will help over a rough spot today. We are blessed to have this site and each other.
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