I caregive basically 24/6 for my Great Grandmother. I technically have 4 hours off in the morning 2 days a week but I use that time to run errands, prioritizing stuff I need to get for her, so I don't even really know if I'd call that off at this point. I started the 24 hour schedule 2 months ago, but for the month before I was here overnight to help out my Grandma if she needed anything then. I do have all of Saturday off but that's really it. I don't have to pay rent and I am being given a decent amount of money a month but still. I don't have a background in caregiving, professional or otherwise the main reason my family asked me is because I have medical training that could prove useful in my Grandma's care. I think I'm burning myself out with this schedule. I notice myself slipping up more, forgetting to grab something to move with her like her phone or double and triple checking a room after I've moved her to make sure I got everything. But the worst f up happened earlier this week when my grandma fell with me standing right behind her as I helped transfer her from using me as support to walk, to her actual walker. She fell to the side as I was transitioning my grip and even though I was bracing one side of her I couldn't grab her waist in time to stop her and she went down. When I was trying to slow her fall I instinctively grabbed the part of her that was closest and that was her arm so I actually think in doing so I did the most damage to her. She has a massive bruise on her arm where I grabbed her, her neck and shoulder really hurt and she still ended up hitting her head on the side of the house but by some miracle as of now she hasn't develop a brain bleed and while her shoulder hurts, I thankfully didn't pull it out of its socket. She also hasn't developed any brusing on her back or hips so theres that at least.
I don't really feel like I can talk about it because it always feels like I'm making her fall about me when I do, but I obviously feel horrible about it. Both because I couldn't stop her fall and because her worse injuries are from where I grabbed her whilst trying to hold her up. She's so clearly in so much pain and it just sucks, she's 100 years old so healing is going to take awhile and she'll probably never get back to 100% and I feel horrible about it all. I was right there, I literally had a hand on her and I couldn't stop it. I keep telling myself I didn't hurt her on purpose and that a bruised arm, sore shoulder and bruised head are better than a broken hip and a brain bleed but those are cold comforts. I worry that I'm not giving her the quality of care she needs and deserves. How much of what I'm thinking is guilt and how much is realism? Is 24/6 too much time to be working, even if for most of it Im just technically "on call" at home? And please be honest, from what you can tell was her fall my fault?
As for all the rest - she may be reaching a point where she is safer in a wheelchair, and it already sounds a though her care needs are too great for one overworked caregiver to handle. Something's got to give, they need to hire in more help to give you daily respite or start looking for an appropriate facility. I was the poster child for burn out and can tell you that love and best intentions are not enough.
And did you have her arm looked at as well, as that could be broken or she could have pulled a muscle. Someone at 100 years old will injure much quicker than someone younger, so I do hope you've by now taken her to either the ER or her doctor.
And even though you're living there rent free and are getting paid well, it does sound like you've bitten off way more than you can chew, and it may be time to tell the family that you'll be moving out soon, so they'll have to come up with a plan B for grandma.
Old people fall. As they get older, the falls increase, and there's not much you can do to stop it. However: in care facilities, the caregivers are trained to stop them from falling as best they can. They are instructed in the use of gait belts, for instance. They learn how to transfer patients from bed to wheelchair to chair to recliner, and they work in teams to do it. They know how to lift them without hurting themselves or the patient. There is much more about how they know how to take care of patients, but I won't write about it here because there's way too much to mention.
As good as your intentions are, you aren't properly trained to take care of someone with grandma's health issues. Her health will only get worse, and she deserves professional help now. You were pushed into this by your family, but you need to be honest and tell them that you love her but your training is not adequate for her needs. There is no shame in admitting this.
This isn't a good situation for you; your mental health is just as important as grandma's health. Beating yourself up about what happened isn't good for you or for her. Time to give your notice, make other plans, and let the "family" who dumped grandma on you figure out another way. I suggest a care facility where kind aides will understand grandma's needs and know how to meet them.
Good luck to you! I know you are a conscientious caregiver, but this isn't the job for you.
What happened was an accident and you should not beat yourself up over it. Nor should you attempt to grab someone falling. Agency aids come to my Mom's house with a gait belt. This is what is used to stabilize them. Your GG is a fall risk. Agencies send aids who have specific training to such clients. I know because this was my Aunt. Now my own 97-yr old Mom is also a fall risk, having fallen in her own home 3 times now and refusing the gait belt or use of a cane. You can only do so much and then you must decide if this responsibility is something you wish to accept.
You say you have some medical training, but what kind? Have you trained for an elder who is a fall risk? Even so, she still may have toppled.
You are right: at 100 yrs old she will most likely not go back to her prior level of mobility/range of motion -- and this is not your fault. You didn't make her old and you can't fix it. You need to assess whether the family pressure to install you as her caregiver is something you really want to do because it's going to be more of the same and then some.
"No" is a complete sentence.
I usually advise that no one should put themselves in the position of trying to support an unstable elder, because you could both go down.
One thing you did wrong is once she was down, you should have called 911 for a lift-assist, and to check her out, maybe even sending her to the ER to be checked out. Don't ignore it and just hope she gets better at home. I know, you probably felt embarrassed or guilty about "letting" her fall. You can not prevent someone else falling!
I once dropped my husband on the ground out of his wheelchair. We were going through the doorway, headed outside, and there was a ramp to transition the 6" from inside to out. I would usually place my arm across the front of him while going down, to keep him from leaning forward and falling. This particular time, I got caught up on something, and let go of him just for a second. He started leaning forward and I as watching like it was in slow-motion, wondering, "why are you leaned so far forward?" Before I could grab him, he fell head-first onto the concrete. My neighbor heard him crying and asked if she should call 911.
"Yes!" I told her, thanking her for responding. Paramedics took him to the hospital to be checked for concussion or any other injuries. Fortunately, he was young and had a hard head, so other than a giant bruise, which looked like I beat him, he was ok. I felt awful! It could have been much worse. No one blamed me. I felt bad enough that I hadn't done better to protect him. But, Falls do happen. We can not always prevent it.
You can find excuses, such as being over-tired, over-worked, burned out. But an accident like that can happen even if you were at your best.
If YOU FEEL over-tired, over-worked and burned out, then you need to change your schedule! Find an alternative, even if that means hiring an aide to come in part of the time. You need time to refresh, recharge, build up your strength.
This is a hard job and your grandmother could go on like this for years!
If you ever feel that this is beyond your capability, you need to tell the rest of the family that you can not be her caregiver, and she may need to be placed in a care home. That is not a bad thing! Care homes provide 24 hour care from professionals, who work in shifts, and often work in teams of 2 or more to manage client transfers. If the family is using you because they want to save grandma's assets, hoping for an inheritance payday when she dies, that is just selfish and unfair to your grandmother. Her money should go to paying for the best care she can get!
I do not know what your medical background is but doing "hands on care" is far different then working in an office.
I suggest that you watch some videos on how to help a person transfer, how to help them fall. Yes helping someone to fall safely is safer than trying to stop a fall. Sounds counterintuitive but so are a lot of things in life.
Any caregiver on this forum will tell you that doing what you are doing alone is not possible to provide good care for a long time.
You need help.
Great Grandma has to pay for caregivers to help you.
This time great grandma got hurt what happens if next time you are the one that gets hurt? Who will then help great .grandma or who will help you?
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You are doing a great job. I think if this is the "solution" your family has come up with they are doing you a great disservice in over working you and not also getting more help. You both deserve better.
It is time for her to go into a nursing home. Make it happen.
Oh and also, despite how overworked you are, people fall. Old folks fall no matter what or with whom. Just because your family expect you to perform miracles doesn't mean anyone else does.
ok it’s commendable you’re trying to do everything’ but you know what
The old saying says- no man’s an island
no one can do everything
I have two trained carers in fur my dad and they struggle with two of them trained
lifting and moving at that age should only be done by a trained person and with the right equipment ( hoist)
dont blame yourself
you did your best
let it go
what happened was an accident
but
I think you need to speak to her dr / charities/healthcare
you need help
not only for the physical obvious but you are burning yourself out
if last a week at most if I tried to do what you are doing
feel proud
you’ve coped through the impossible but it’s time to get some help now
make the enquiries
your health is just as important
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