My husband and I have been assisting Mom (divorced) in every way possible over 25 years years while she was in IL and then last 5 years in nearby NH closer to our house. As the sole daughter (brother is out of state), I became POA and have endured years of gaslighting, lying, manipulation, character attacks with accusations of stealing and not giving her enough attention. Basically, Mom wanted to come live with us instead of NH. We have had to pay the price with increased blood pressure, anxiety and depression. She is now in her last weeks/months of life, and I would like to offer her the gift of a peaceful, serene and dignified end of life experience.
Just because your mom is now under hospice care does NOT mean that she will be dying anytime soon. My late husband was under hospice care in our home for the last 22 months of his life. Are you prepared to be in it for the long haul if it should go on that long, or will it be you and your husband who will be the ones dying first from stress related issues?
If you want mom to die in peace have your mom transferred to the hospice home when she's close to dying as they are very beautiful, peaceful and the care is top notch. Medicare will pay for it 100% if she dies within a week. After that you'd(mom) have to pay out of pocket.
I'm sure you're already figuring out that with in-home hospice that you're still doing 99% of moms care, so please take care of yourself.
Please remember that she can have a serene peaceful and dignified death at the nursing home. My mother did. And my father is in a facility and is on hospice. This is where he will be at the end of his life and I am okay with that. I cannot transport him 3,000 miles to California, So that is how it is going to be unless one of my sisters feels differently and brings him to their home.