
My mom is bedridden with dementia, is not getting good care in the SNF she's in, so looking for alternatives. Found a 3-bedroom senior living home run by a nurse. I have a tour scheduled. She says she can handle my mom's care and hospice will see her daily too. Has anyone had experience with a home? I'm just a bit worried since no regulatory body oversees them-just require certification by the state of Texas I think. I have list of questions to ask during tour. Any advice?
That a nurse is opening / running it is a major additional plus.
Everything about it sounds so good for you and your mom.
Keep us up to date how you and your mom is doing.
Gena / Touch Matters
Im praying this will all work out well. Its 5 minutes from my home too
In my long experience in homecare, I find that hospice at home is mostly a joke. They bring a lot of meds and not a lot of support. Keep that in mind. Also, talk to them about what services they will provide.
A private care home can work and it sounds a lot nicer than a big commercial care facility. Just check them out A LOT and ask every question. Also, have a lawyer look ver any contracts you sign with the place before you move your mother there.
I kept my mother’s Primary Care and refused their “offer” of using theirs for supposed “convenience.” I’m glad I did since she did not remain under their care for long. She did not qualify - or so they said. It wasn’t my idea to put her on hospice - it was my and her Primary Care’s well meaning nurse. I also did not like the fact that Hospice insisted that she could not continue on Eliquis. She was put on it after a pulmonary embolism episode. She is not a fall risk since she is bedridden. I think it was the cost rather than a medical reason. They take over the meds and they didn’t want to pay for it. I did not want her to have a stroke. That would be worse for her AND me since I care for her in my home. I continued to give her what I had. My assessment? Maybe Hospice is helpful at the very end but they were virtually worthless in our situation.
The private home may be a good choice otherwise. Just ask questions and check it out before you leap.
I don't agree that it's a good idea to ask mom how things are once she gets there! She has dementia. Her brain is subject to hallucinations, delusions, and all sorts of things that keep her from being a reliable reporter. For instance, one of my husband's friends at his memory care home thinks his wife never visits, but she's there every day. I see and talk with her. He also believes that he gets the same lunch every single day. That isn't true; the menu is appealing and varied, but no one will ever convince him of that. Also, he started having falls before he moved there about three months ago, and he states that he's never fallen in his life. Another resident there thinks she owns a horse stable and it's right outside. Not true. There's a resident who hears voices telling her what to think. Another yells "Help! Help!" all day. Asking any of them if they're treated well would be pointless. Their stories can be very creative.
Go and observe for yourself what goes on in the place you choose. Don't even bother to ask mom.
I hope you find just the right place for your mom.
That said, I did observe one resident that was harassing another resident on a couple of occasions while I was visiting. I contacted management and that is no longer happening. It seemed to occur mostly while the staff was busy preparing or serving meals.
Take your list of questions when you visit. I would try to visit often. then you have opportunity to get to know them and they you. They also know you will be there often with “eyes” on the place.
Dad was only there 2.5 months before his death.
Some are like warehouses, and that is a scary thought.
Do your due diligence before moving mom. Ask the relatives of the other patients their honest feelings.
Ask away and keep copious notes.
And--good luck!
Is mom already on hospice? Or is this the suggestion of the nurse running a 3-bedroom senior living home?
Look around and see how the other residents look. Are they smiling? Asking for help? Are they receiving help? Or, are they disoriented and lost? Ask if there is a schedule and what the schedule is for meals, bathing, personal cares, entertainment. Is someone supervising overnight?
If you do choose this home, check on your mom within the first week. Ask her how she feels, how she is doing, if her needs are being met. You can always try it and take her out of there if you don't feel it's a good fit. Don't agree to any long term financial contracts. Insist on a trial period.
The home was also about half the price of a memory care. Friend did not even have to sell moms house. She rented it out allowing it to appreciate five more years, thus benefiting their inheritance.
It was really a win win for everyone.
Other than that, the elder foster home was absolutely the best place for mom.