I have a healthy lifestyle with a great diet, daily meditation, practice yoga, pilates and weightlifting, but nonetheless I feel anxious and stressed. Since Mom (89 yo and in a NH) began losing weight due to not eating over the last few months, she has been placed on hospice with a diagnosis of malnutrition. I cannot get rid of the physical aches and it's a new normal for me.
While you are very healthy and take care of yourself, stressors, anxiety, grief, fear of losing your mother will manifest in many ways.
We can do a lot to take care of our self although much is out of our control.
Have you tried a massage? or some kind(s) of bodywork?
Go in a sauna or hot tub?
Work with a therapist for the grief, sadness you feel.
Are you able to sleep / get enough sleep?
It certainly is understandable that you would feel anxious and stress.
This is a very difficult situation for a daughter to be in.
While hard to say, perhaps this is her way of saying it is time for her to transition and let go. Are you able to still talk with her? Coherent?
I sense a 'good' match / therapist would benefit you now.
Try listening to Rick Hanson, Ph.D., Buddhist & Brain Science educator
Wed nites - 5:45pm Zoom
Let us know how you and your mom are doing. Keep in touch here.
Gena / Touch Matters
When one is already dealing with their daily personal life stress, the additional stress of caregiving is overwhelming for us mentally and physically.
I would like to know what the best solution/treatment would be. I usually take two arthritis Tylenol or one Aleve, and that takes care of it for that episode.
I don't think it's so much that we don't talk about it, as it is that medical science has just begun to realize the toll it takes on a caregiver.
Plus, finding a support group like this one whose posters are not afraid to share our experiences/knowledge with others.
When I turned approx 51 yrs of age, and my parents health declined, and I opted to mid-career life change that involved sitting in a chair a lot in front of the computer, and then becoming the caregiver in home to the both of them. Within 1 year, the stress of it all changed my health outcomes big time.
I halted almost all athletic and physical exercise, and started alternating between sitting in a chair in front of a computer for work, and hustling around helping my deteriorating parents to and fro Dr's appointments, lifting things for them and so forth.
I went from being in perfect health, to now being on approx. 6 medications daily over the past 2 years. I'll be honest on which medications these are: Statins, high blood pressure meds, anti-depressants, joint supplements, anti-anxiety medications. & additional herbal med's.
It had been my lifelong goal to live long into 70's-80's being westernized medication- free. Now I take more med's than my mother and father do, who are in their 80's & 90's and I due believe mostly due to the stress of caregiving.
I have several diagnosis' now, from physical to psychological, all of which I am medicated for because I simply do not have the time for self care between supporting myself, and the care and stress of my parents.
When I wake up each morning, it's like waking up to a body I never knew. Soreness and aches and pains merely getting out of bed, fatigue, depression and exhaustion all throughout the day.
Please google or research side effects of being a mid-life caregiver to aging parents. So scarey to hear that much research shows that caregiving for your parents may cut your lifespan significantly and that your parents may outlive you. This is no joke.
Please take any indication of pain or physical changes seriously, consult with your Dr at the same frequency you do for your parents, and remain steadfast in taking care of your own self first.
You've got to put your own oxygen mask on first sweetie, because if you don't you can't possibly help them, regardless of your selflessness or best intentions.
Sending much compassion and love your way.
I have also found that artificial sugars will aggravate achy joints (a friend of mine who has rheumatoid arthritis told me her doctor warned her of this years ago, and I have found it to be true for me even though I do not have this). So maybe watch diet soda, etc Hope you get relief soon!
I'm only 63, and I went from strong to not able to walk within a year's time.
I have a doctor appointment scheduled to get answers and try and resolve.
Now it could certainly be stress related, but your description of ongoing physical aches brought me back to that. It eventually resolved but not without a lot of steroids and meditation for pain management...