My husband has heart failure and dementia and I have failing vision and complications from TBI and a recent stroke. We got a POA to take over her checking account approx 2 years ago due to a nephew who stole large sums from her bank account and used her name to open numerous credit cards and loans. The bank manager told us she refused to press charges. A neighbor called APS, who told us she could no longer live alone. We tried to have her placed in nursing home, but could not afford the 8,000 month cost. We moved to another city in MS, in hopes of finding a less expensive non-profit nursing home which would accept her. She has been placed on waiting list..in meantime she has been increasingly angier and hostile towards us, as she did not want to live with us, wanted to go live on her own. She has run away and reaches highway. We cannot control her. She has injured my husband by slamming a door on his hand and biting him, and kicks and pulls my hair, scratches with her nails, which she chews on and are ragged, yet she refuses to file/smooth them or let anyone else do so. Our health has deteriorated more since her stay with us. After she fell and broke her hip she was sent to rehab who discharged her because they did not use chemical restraint, and sent her to nearby hospital which did. Two nursing homes refused her due to behavioral issues and also because she was refused medicaid because she refused to press charges against the nephew. I was told to come get her. I told them no, that I could no longer care for her due to recent stroke , worsening vision and concerns re my husbands worsening heart condition and dementia. The social worker at hospital called few days later a saying they found a nursing home for her, and for me to come get ger and take her there. It is the first home which rejected her. I refused to come, as I was told she was penalized, and the nursing home called and asked me how long penalty phase was. I had called medicare and medicaid ro find out, but no one will return my calls. I cannot and will not go bring her back to our home. I will not sign any papers they are requesting I sign. Her other nephew refuses also. I am struggling to care for my husband and myself at this point. I hope someone reading this can help. We cannot afford legal help.
You tell the hospital that you cannot and will not move her into your home and that she is an unsafe discharge and cannot live back at her place.
The part about not being able to afford a nursing home is nonsense though. If her income is low enough Medicaid pays for it. If she has assets like real estate and bank accounts, those things will have to be liquidated and spent down paying for her care before Medicaid starts picking up the tab.
DO NOT for any reason transport your SIL yourself. Social workers lie all the time. They want her out of the hospital. Once she is out their door she is no longer their responsibility. She is as long as she's under their roof. Once she's in your car, you're it as they say.
Tell this social worker that she will have to have her transported to the NH by ambulance because you're not able.
When the hospital wants her out bad enough they will find her a facility and get her there. Don't you do it.
You're wise not to sigh anything either. Never sign any document involving a nursing home that you have not read carefully or had a lawyer look over.
If YOU are POA, I'd report the theft to the police, regardless of what dementia sis wants. Having the theft documented by the police is a requirement for Medicaid to move past the penalty.
Do not transport a person with dementia ANYWHERE on your own, especially one as unpredictable as your sister.
"It is no longer safe for my sister to be cared for at home. She is a danger to herself (wandering) and others (documented attacks)".
Please, please stick to your guns. DO NOT go pick her up. APS is sending you an idle threat, if it ever (it won't) got to court, you would vigorously defend yourself and no reasonable judge will see that you are capable of taking on her care. The SW at the hospital was trying to stick you, if that happens again, the SW tells you to pick her up and bring her to a NH that has accepted her, you tell them to send her there by ambulance. As Bounce said, you might want to resign your POA, but regardless, if there is too much involved with that, just keep saying no and don't be frightened by threats from so called authorities who should be there to help you in situations like this.
Yes, agree.
'I was told to come get her".
The hospital may want to move this patient along & aim for family to supply transport if possible. For a few reasons.
1. Escorted transport (eg non-emergency ambulance) costs the hospital money.
2. The hospital may struggle to get the patient to agree to transfer out - unless the patient willingly leaves with family.
Currently the hospital has Duty of Care. If family collect, then Duty of Care transfers onto family.
What happens AFTER patient discharged to family won't concern the hospital. Patient won't get out of the car at the NH, absconds etc. Not their problem.
But family transport is not always practical or suitable eg
- unsafe behaviours of patient
- family health issues
- family have caregiving committments.
You have all that!
So if you can't - you can't.
Keep polite but firm.