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For ashlynne. This isn't the first time a money trail has had to be documented and it won't be the last. If your ducks are in a row, don't worry. It's just the time factor. Distance yourself from her for your own sanity
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Well, I spent 2 hours with her and the director of the NH and presented all the paperwork. No problem there but then she turned to "you sold my house in a hurry, sold after 2 days". Actually it was in such a state needing renovations it was six months before it sold. Then it was on and on about her furniture. Then it was "so lonely and bored, no-one to talk to" - 60 residents in the NH - but she stays in her room and/or in bed 24/7 and refuses to join in any activities to get to know people. We told her she has to go out there, get into the activities and meet people, her happiness and ability to find friends is not my responsibility - she has to get out of that room and mingle. All she does is shut herself in her room and dream up stuff. Apart from the grocery store and the library she's been a hermit since my father died 15 years ago and, as a narcissist, expected everyone to drop everything and run to her whenever she chose. Long ago, on the phone, I asked her if she'd hear from xxx. "No, I don't call them, they call me". La de dah, no wonder her few friends eventually gave up.

Nothing will change as she won't try - everything has to be handed to her on a silver platter - but I've laid my cards on the table, been open and honest and the NH director and government inspector are very well satisfied. I don't know when I'll visit again, if ever but I expect I'll be getting phone calls from the NH that she's playing up again. No wonder I leave my phone off the hook a lot.
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Assisted living can never be a mistake. It's just that you have to be a little cautious about the place you choose for the elders. My mom has been living at Luvida Memory Care for over 5 months and she's happy being there.
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ryan some people will never be happy with anything. Just before my father passed he said "Your mother will never be satisfied with anything" and, after living with her for 50 years, during which she treated him like dirt, he was an expert. All we heard for two hours yesterday was "me, me, me, I want, I want, I want, wah, wah, wah, woe is me". She's been like that all her life and will never change.
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We seemed to have reached a real turn around . Ever since we have gone on that tour of the "other" place the complaints have been less and less. Maybe I should have done that tour a lot sooner I'm not sure but the turn around has been nothing short of a miracle. While she still asks to go home she has not complained no where near the way she was and she actually appears at some small points to be liking living there. I pray this continues as I have had not one single accusation since we took that tour and she seems to be participating more in the activities being offered and less consumed about calling me to complain. Fingers eyes and toes crossed.
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"Eyes crossed..." :-) Lovely idea, Ms Daisy, and I know just how you feel!

I'm glad your mother is putting her toys back in her pram. Take this opportunity to create a little distance - not to be remote from her, just make a kind of cordon sanitaire so that if things get lively again it'll get dealt with by the ALF first, rather than you. I really hope she feels more and more at home, though - eyes crossed again!
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Quick update. First I would like to thank everyone for the encouraging words, I don't know where I would be without all of you in this community who have cheered me on and lifted me up when I was at my lowest. I think we finally reached a good place I swear you never really hear much about the "adjustment phase" but its so real and so raw I really feel I might just have to blog about it. My Mom is doing well, not asking so much to go home, it does happen from time to time but I do see where she is getting happier about being there and making friends has really helped. I have backed off a bit, I'm not going there every day as I was and she is now finding her own independence again, making choices and friends on her own and getting into a routine. For anyone else going through the adjustment know you are not alone we are all here for you and it DOES get better. Now what I am finding is instead of getting the screaming, threatening, heart breaking phone calls I am now getting the gossip calls. Wait till I tell you this.... listen to what I heard today.... you would never believe what so and so did. It's kind of funny because its a fun side of my Mom that I hadn't seen in such a long time, its really nice to have that side back to her. She has gained three lbs since moving in which is a great thing and while she may not be thrilled with her apartment, I know in my heart I did the right thing and I see where she is not rotting anymore alone in her house sleeping and forgetting to eat. For once, after three months I am finally seeing a glimpe of the rainbow after the storm. And it feels fabulous!!!
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Even though how stressed and exhausted you are, you should still remember that your mother needs you and her condition is not easy. You should remain strong for her and do not be affected of whatever she say. No matter how heartbreaking it is, it is still you who should understand. I think the best way you can do is to observe her from apart, and let her adjust to the environment without seeing you for some time.
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