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To Bounce:
I couldn't respond to you:
"I take it she never assigned someone different after you told her? Or did she pick one of the local family members? No, I don't think she ever assigned anyone, afterwards.

"What I don't get is why everyone local to where she lives always thinks this should be on you. Did she raise you after your mother died or something?....Or why do they keep thinking you should do it? That's weird to me." No. She didn't raise me. She wasn't my guardian. I was grown when my mom passed. They feel it should be on me because they found out I used to be POA, and not through me. I guess my aunt told them. I do not know. But they kept throwing, "Well. you have POA, you should do this, and you need to do that.. "at me. They expected me to give up my life, job and freedom even though I don't live anywhere near them. I got sick of it.
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AlvaDeer Oct 2023
Tired Niece, simply stay out of it. Refer all phone calls from the rehab to the next of kin living near to her. Let them know you live far away and are NOT involved in her care any longer. Let them know they need a good discharge plan for her as she is planning to go home alone, and that is likely to prove unsafe for her. Supply them with the phone numbers of those kin near her. She may require some state guardianship in future if other family members nearby to her don't wish to intervene, and for THEIR OWN SAKE I hope they don't. Stay out of it. Send chocolates, flowers and lovely cards wishing her well. As far as what others "think", quite honestly you need to start learning not to waste time on what they think.
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There were a lot of dropped balls, missing paperwork and overworked, harried employees during my dad’s last rehab stay. (One final bill was delayed for months because they “lost” our address. 🙄) I would make very sure everyone in authority at aunt’s rehab is absolutely clear that you are no longer her POA, live out of state, and will not be available to provide care or oversight of any kind.

For all you know, aunt could be telling everybody at the rehab that good ol’ Tiredniece will be taking care of her at home, and there could still be paperwork floating around listing Tiredniece as POA.
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Tiredniece23 Oct 2023
Her hospitals and doctors never had me listed as POA. Very strange, even though it was in her documents from the lawyer.
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Why is this even an issue for you anymore? I thought you had already worked through this with your other post about it?

Especially after your aunt was such a raging B to you and showed her true colors.

Who really gives a damn what friends are telling you. Tell your "friends" to back the eff off and if they want to they can go ahead and move in with your aunt and assist her with ALL her needs.

Honestly I really don't know why you don't just cut this aunt out of your life already. The fact that aunt and others keep pushing and pushing and won't stop with the same old move in and give up your life and take care of me song and dance shows how little any of them care about YOU.

Thank god you live far away from aunt and the others so you can't get sucked into this vortex of care giving for a stupid old woman who needs to be in a facility but refuses to go into one. The aunt has children so you should not be involved at this point in any decisions, let her children deal with her.
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Tiredniece23 Oct 2023
She doesn't have children. The family are my cousins. Her other nieces. My aunt has been good to me in the past. It's hard to not care what happens to her, but I don't like all of them trying to shove it all on me.
But you're right. I know the cousins value little of me and my life.
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Who is her POA, or does she have one?
At discharge if they feel that she needs home care EACH and EVRY family member needs to FIRMLY state that they can NOT care for her.
It needs to be made clear that there is no one at home to care for her.
If your aunt is cognizant and she tells the rehab, and her doctors that she will agree to home care simply to get discharged then discontinues the service that is on her. Being cognizant that is her "right" to refuse service.
(and if each family member does not think she should be discharged but she manages anyway "simply" refuse to take her home. She can take a cab, Uber, Medical transport)
If she is NOT cognizant then POA and family members need to make it clear that she is not safe at home. Rehab can not discharge her if it is unsafe.
**If she is not cognizant and there is no POA then someone should petition for Guardianship. If no one wishes to become Guardian then the Court will appoint one. (if that happens family will have little to say regarding her care.)

Often some event will occur that will force someone into AL, MC or Long Term Care/Skilled Nursing.
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Tiredniece23 Oct 2023
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Can you be more descriptive of the home care she would need?
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There is utterly no reason for you to come care for aunt when others are already here, unless you are really into masochism. You simply tell the people at her rehab she is going home virtually WITHOUT HELP and that it may constitute an "unsafe discharge" unless they find a way to get home checks on her.

After she IS home, whatEVER they provide, YOU supply only her phone number and address to Adult Protective Services for wellness check, or police or sheriff office. You do NOT go to where she is.

If you DO go there, then that is your choice and your responsibility.

You ask what happens next? That is entirely up to your aunt and her caregivers. Just see to it you are not included in the latter. Unless, of course, you choose to be.
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Tiredniece23 Oct 2023
I won't be there for her discharge, as I'm no where near. My family who live close by will be there, I'm assuming.
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Are you still her POA?

You need to call the discharge department at the Rehab and tell them that No One is coming to care for her after rehab; that she will be returning to an empty home

They will be making an "unsafe discharge"--use those words.

Tell the rest of the family to stop enabling her. Social services will step in and place her
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anonymous1732518 Oct 2023
They can place her home if she finally accepts home care
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