I used to be positive and outgoing. But now 3 years into it I am becoming bitter, angry and short fused. I say every day I will make a change but it seems to be worse. I don't mean to but it is over whelming. I try to remain cool headed, I don't get out of control, it is just the snide remarks I tend to mutter, my going off and cooling down out of the area and just my own blood pressure rising. I generally don't say anything if it is not what I agree with, much better than saying something. Does anyone else experience this? I do realize I don't have a lot of years left with my parent and I try all the time but it is the little things that bug the crap out of me. Mostly it is having a house full and no time alone with me and my wife. I have to now schedule weekends away from the place we have built for us. Dinners out are getting expensive. We had 2 hours to ourselves and I made a very nice meal like we used to do and it was heaven.... for 2 hours..... I work at home so there is not a lot of time away from all of it. Trying not to be angry but this whole situation of me being the care giver has turned me that way. I am trying to see his side of it but it goes right into the way he thinks it should be and not the way i want it to be. Feeling like a child at times.
Big Hugs to you and your mom ((( ))).
I cannot let her decend completely into dementia because I am not physically or mentally able to handle that. If I wait too long to put her in a facility, she won’t know why or where she is. That is cruel. She still has enough of her brain now to understand to a degree that her living circumstances have changed and to adjust. She will get over her fear and get familiar with her new surroundings. They will handle any trips to the hospital and I can attempt to reclaim my life while I still have a chance. I have spent the last 5 years dealing with all the drama, it’s time for me to take care of me now and not spend my life worrying myself to death what will happen today.
It is killing my appetite, my mood, my joy of life. I hate my life as it is. She takes no notice how badly this is affecting me. I don’t think she cares either. Staying in her place next to me and all her possessions are far more important than me being miserable everyday of my life.
Thank your for your post. I couldn't agree with you more. I too felt horribly lost after my father passed. I'm glad to hear counselling has helped. Its been over a year and there are still days I feel lost. It is hard to rebuild and find another path. Thank you for giving me hope and encouragement.
Beautifully written, Rosses.
Today was one of my harder days as well. You will be in my prayers.
Because when all the harshness of what we have gone through or are going through starts taking over and making us feel..well, miserable, that love that you know existed and was the foundation of your perseverance in caring for your dad who you know loved you, and who you loved so much, will rescue you; love is what will save you and everyone of us. I always say that for all of us caregivers there are two possible overall outcomes, either we become bitter or we become an improved version of ourselves. No matter what everyone’s particular situation is like, at the end we all have that choice to transform ourselves into someone better or someone worse than who we were before caregiving. Because one thing is for sure, caregiving is a transforming experience!
And I’m saying this on a bad day, one of those days where one may entertain the thought of turning around and leaving a situation that seems not to get better no matter what I do or how much of myself I give. But in the midst of the darkness the blessing prevails, and reminds me that what I’m doing is bigger and higher than anything else.
So, yes, fellow caregivers, find the blessing in your caregiving journey...Finding the blessing(s) will be your light, your hope, your guidance and your safety!
People sometimes say well these old ones, really should we do so much for them. YES.
They did everything for us and sometimes it takes that long to realize the love.
Thank you. May God be bless you in all things.
Honey11,
What you brought up about people overseas who take care of their elders without even dreaming of placing them in a Nursing Home, and you falling short compared to them, I don’t think is fair nor accurate.
First of all, in MOST cases (not mine) outside the US people, as you stated, care for their elders at home...but, it’s not a one person’s job. It’s the whole family, and that’s simply the norm. There might be someone that does more than others, or does less stressful tasks, but it’s a family labor of love. The elderly are respected, loved and given a lot of consideration.
So, there’s a world of difference between that and you being the sole caregiver, and you’re not falling short! We aren’t perfect, and caregiving is a true test of a person’s character, it actually gives a unique opportunity to get to know ourselves much better, our gifts and our limitations.
Like I said, that holds true in most cases, existing exceptions like my mom’s and my situation (originally from Nicaragua) where I’m an only child and sole everything for her..it’s a blessing, no doubt, to be able to care for her and show her -and myself- what love put into action means. Yet, that doesn’t mean it is not tough, very tough.. and very lonely.
But don’t compare your situation to anyone else’s, as each journey is unique and should be compared only to the very best you think you could do; in other words, your best self, your ability to perform the most noble actions and have noble thoughts should be the only point of comparison!
May God bless all those who are/were/will be caregivers.
"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."
This will do a job on you. I have been getting counseling and it has helped a lot. But yes, be careful. So many of us are in this situation today. It is so hard. It is a whole new world for us, trial by fire, no one knows what to do or how to do it and there is really very little help.
The "system" is so confusing, full of roadblocks and false information... so unhelpful in most cases. It is hard to navigate and understand and it changes all the time.
Bless all caregivers.
I try not to listen to him complain and just live my life. Now that the SIL is out daughter is so much better.
Now to get through the holiday, it should be very pleasant this year.
My best wishes to all the caregivers out there. Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah.