Sorry, should have given more information and detail… Dad is turning 92 this weekend; when he turned 90 we solicited cards and sentiments from family and friends, it was great. We read the cards to him and he was both moved and gratified. Our AL facility has had MANY changes, to ownership, to personnel, etc. The long term event coordinator for Dad’s place is no longer there and with new ownership they ‘protect personal data / hippa info’ and no longer publish on monthly calendar the resident’s birthdays for the current month. State of flux, not certain what is now acceptable. Dad is wheelchair bound, suffers from aphasia via vascular dementia so very difficult to communicate. It is only me and my husband locally - suggestions accepted. We could bring in Mexican food which he used to love, but nothing is same as before, and I don’t really think he would want a ‘public acknowledgment of his birthday’, he is ever present, but quiet, in his community. So, just a happy birthday Dad, or ‘business as usual’? We see him three times a week and bring a chocolate milkshake. He makes minimal conversation - mostly ‘how is the dog?’ (No name) If I ask if he wants to chat with my sister, he says he has nothing to say. Really at a loss. Thoughts? Please? Thank you in advance.
You mentioned he adked about the dog. Her dog had passed but if he had still been living I would have brought the dog for a short visit. That would have been a special treat. I took her dog to her once when she was in the hospital and she loved it.
Her last birthday was pretty flat for her but we still had it. She passed at 98.
I wouldn’t be able not to have it. It would make me so sad but I had given her a birthday party since she was 80.
She always received a few cards and enjoyed them.
Take his picture and give him a hug. Tell him to give you a smile. You will treasure it.
A day is a day, is a day. a birthday is no different than last Monday, Christmas is no different then next Monday, the 4th of July is just that the 4th of a month. (Only exception would be any military person that has PTSD and needs extra support on days like that)
This concept is difficult for many to wrap their head around.
So keep it simple.
Quiet celebration. Few people. No only are lots of people and noise difficult for many please be considerate of other residents.
He may have loved Mexican food in the past but can he handle it now? What may not have given him problems before might cause upset now. If he is eating more bland food now (most facilities keep food pretty basic) anything different might be problematic.
And be aware if he is on a soft diet or pureed foods he needs that texture to safely eat. Same with any thickened liquids.
Your dad doesn't even know it's his birthday. If you really feel the need to do something, bring him a nice card which will make him smile. You don't really need to even acknowledge or tell him it is his birthday. He won't know the difference. And he won't remember.
I think it is so wonderful you and your husband stop by to see him three times a week and bring him a milkshake! Continue doing that.
The birthday celebration is for you. If you want to celebrate in style, then you and your husband go out for dinner and raise a glass to your dad.
Your dad's world is growing smaller. And it's ok. It is comfortable and manageable for him. It is normal as dementia progresses. Too much stimulation is only confusing and exhausting for the person with dementia. Their brain is struggling to make sense of everything around them. It is best to keep it calm, simple, and familiar.
As adults, I feel that every birthday does not need to be an event. I try and tell my dad and stepmom that every year. They look for any excuse to party, and every single birthday has to be a party. When my mom was alive, she had a way of making my birthdays feel special. It wasn't a big to-do, and her thoughtful, creative gifts were not expensive. Since she has been gone, no matter what anyone does, my birthdays just don't feel special anymore. It's just another day.
Thank you so very much for your thoughtful, kind, logical response. I guess I just need to ‘let go’ and let God.
Bring him simple things that you know he enjoys and will put a smile on his face, and make sure you sing Happy Birthday to him as well.
We did this through the dining department (who were familiar with restrictions) and there seemed to be no problem with diabetics or other special diets. Also, since it was AL the residents were aware of any dietary restrictions of their own. The AL printed that they were brought in by my mom on the daily menu. I think we were the only family to do this, but it was really fun.
You could also just do cupcakes or a fruit basket for staff to make them aware of his birthday and he will be thanked and greeted by everyone.
I started hating birthdays at 70, and try to hide it, or not let people find out. It's starting the downhill slide of life, and it depresses me to think about another year flying by and I haven't done half of what I wanted to in my life!
A CAKE is always good. Who doesn't like cake? He knows you thought about him and remembered. Don't forget ice cream!