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She very much enjoyed the airplane ride, 30 min after landing she forgot she was on the plane. Got her to Memory Care where I had fixed up her room with pics, and other items from her home. Told her there was propane leak at her home and not safe to stay while being repaired. It's been 3 days. She has texted 3 times asking me to get her home and called, left message this am to get her home. I knew there would be an adjustment period. Wondering if I should wait a few more days to go see her, take her to the moves which calms her down. I feel so bad, like I abandoned her. And also know this is "normal" for her/me to feel this way. Spoke with the caregiver at MC, they said she's eating, and sitting in common area, but not participating in activities and asking for me to take her home. Uggh. :( Anyone go through this? Also, MC said not advisable to put TV in her room, though she is asking for one. Thank you!

That sounds incredibly hard… you didn’t abandon her—you did something really loving, even if it feels the opposite right now.
What you’re seeing is actually very common during transitions like this. The confusion and asking to go home happens a lot in the first few days—it doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision.
The guilt is real though… I’ve seen how heavy that can feel.
At one point, I found it helpful to talk to someone who understands both the emotional and cognitive side of this—someone like Dr. Sebastian Liew. It didn’t “fix” everything, but it helped me make sense of what was happening and feel less alone in it.
You’re doing more than you think you are.
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Reply to Honkee
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It would be best not to take her outside the facility. It would be too overwhelming after all she’s been through with the move - too many new sights and sounds. Dementia patients do best with routine, and she needs to establish one in her new home. You can help her do that! Good luck.
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Reply to Fawnby
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I don't think I'd take her outside the facility to the movies -- she might freak out and decide to not go back in. It's now too disorienting for her.

I agree with meds if she doesn't adjust in 2 weeks.

Bless you for taking care of her to this point! May you receive peace in your heart that you did the right thing, even though it was very hard.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Your friend needs time to adjust to her new home and surroundings. Most memory care facilities ask that family and friends stay away the first week or two, but you do what you feel is best.
However I would not under any circumstances take her out of the facility for any reason, as that would just be far too confusing for her and you may have trouble taking her back.
People with broken brains do best with a routine and don't do well when that routine is broken for any reason, so allow your friend time to get into a routine in her new home and then you can go visit her and bring her some of her favorite treats if you want.
And I think the reason the memory care doesn't want TV's in the rooms is because they want the folks to mingle in the common areas and not stay in their rooms isolating themselves.
Give your friend time. She's going to be just fine.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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vannysgram2 13 hours ago
Thank you. :)
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vannysgram2, I remember when my Mom, who was now living in a nursing home, was asking to go home, I thought it was the home she shared with my Dad. It wasn't until she said "are the cows in the barn" that I knew she was talking about her childhood home. As her parents had owned a dairy farm.


It is quite common for someone with dementia, that when they are asking to go home, it is the home they grew up in. Back when life was fun and easy as a child. So with my Mom (97 yrs old) I had to quickly come up with an excuse why she couldn't visit her parents. I told her they were visiting the old country, to which she smiled and said "that's nice". Then I used that excuse each time she asked.


I am surprised the Memory Care isn't allowing a TV in her room. My Dad's memory care had no problem, but that was over 10 yrs ago. I would hate to miss those fun game shows of the past, and my favorite soap opera.
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Reply to freqflyer
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vannysgram2 13 hours ago
They recommended no tv in order to help her socialize rather than sit in her room. I am still considering and they would be ok with that. I think she is comforted by the familiarity of the same voices. She has the same channel on morning to night 7 days a week!
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In no way did you abandon your friend. You took steps to insure she’s safe and cared for, no one could ask for more. Of course she’s adjusting, confused, and mourning the loss of her home. All normal and all sad. Visit when you feel is right and the staff thinks it wise. Divert her attention, take her a treat you know she enjoys. She is blessed to have you
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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vannysgram2 13 hours ago
Thank you. I'm working through it and feeling better about things.
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Yes, was thinking that too and will talk to the staff about it. I know she must feel turned upside down.
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That was kind of you to do. Yes, it does take a while to adjust. You might ask the staff to talk with her doctors about some medications to calm her anxiety, at least temporarily.
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