Me with the crazy mom again. Some elements of dementia, but mainly a through the roof anxiety, OCD that drives herself and me as her primary go to person nuts
Every morning wakes up anxious about whatever, calls me to frantically ask if I have taken care of her medicare signup for next year, her property taxes, on and on and on, even though I have assure her manytimes its all under control
She asks over and over, not because she forgets, because when I ask what I said last time she remembers, but needs the constant reassurance that an OCD person needs, which she has had all her life but getting crazy as she is in her nineties. I have tried the not answering the phone, butthen get twenty message of her literally weeping begging me to call her back
I feel either she, or I, will wind up in nut house
I am wondering if there are assisted living places that specialize in this or if even adult protection services can help, her anxiety will drive herself ot the grave. Me too. I cannot do this anymore
My one brother has ordered her not to call me everyday and if she has a problem call him, but she does not do that. I am like her anxiety pill.
She had a stroke. Went to acute rehab. Psychiatrist at rehab said "the post-stroke protocol here is to prescribe anti-depressant meds. As Health Proxy, do you agree, as your mother is currently in no shape to make that decision?"
I said "yes, please."
The next time your mother temporarily incapacitated, make sure they give her the Seroquel. The life you save will be your own.
Do you strictly limit your time with her?
Do you leave when she starts in an OCD loop?
Have you taken a look at the "Out of the FOG" website?
That’s how I managed with my elders when their anxiety ramped up.
My mom did not have dementia and she thought she was fine, not anxiety provoking etc. but she would trigger my anxiety as well as my sisters. She flat refused to take anything as a maintenance Med but would take something for “an event” that she knew would be stressful. I would say, do you want 1/2 or a whole tablet? The message was clear. To go forward, she needed something to calm her. If she wanted me to take her or be with her she had to calm down. She at one point would say a whole one. Small victory but it made life more manageable.
Also, please look into talk therapy for yourself. I’ve been going twice a week for awhile now and it has really helped me. My therapist takes Medicare and I have a great supplement so I go for basically free and talk my head off.
My family really notices a difference in me.
Just unpacking all the stress helps tremendously. I am also taking an AD and that has also helped.
I encourage you to get help for yourself regardless of what you do about your mom.
And by the way, a talk therapist would probably help your mom as well.
One time after she broke her pelvis and was inpatient rehab a psychiatric nurse examined her. She asked me if she had been on anything I said prozac. The nurse sort of snorted in derision and said prozac for my mom was like giving someone with a brain tumor a tylenol. While she as a nurse could not prescribe anything, she wrote down a couple to give to her doctor which I did
The doctor I think was a bit miffed having meds being suggested to her by a nurse but also said these were heavy duty drugs and should come from a psychiatrist, not a primary physician. Finally she said, Karsten do you think she will take them? Her OCD causes her to read every word of warnings and disclaimers and if she is afraid to take her blood pressure meds she will never take this and she was right
My brother said at least when I go to visit my mom, she should take a valium just to chill out. I said she wont do it. My brother said slip one in her coffee. I said that is illegal. He said murder is illegal too . He was here from out of town for a week and had a hard time lasting the week wi th her, he was going to go home early as she was driving him crazy and he doesnt know how I can do it without doing something. I assured him I would never be violent, and he said everyone has their limits with such a person
Until you change your response to her, the situation won't change.
Stop listening to her. Stop explaining things to her.
Visit if you want to but leave when she starts looping.
Please thinking about quitting.
And because she does have dementia, she really shouldn't be living alone anymore. It's time for you and your brothers to look into the appropriate facility for mom to be placed in, before it's you that ends up being hospitalized or dead from all the stress.
My mom has one that comes into her MC. It’s a great help.
No fun to listen to that either