Hi. My father in law is in the end stages of Alzheimers and was given weeks to a few months left to live. He had a DNR in place but my mother in law withdrew it and now wants full life saving efforts performed on him. My question is, what options does my husband's family have? It puts myself, him and his brother in a terrible position as we are all EMT's and a nurse and we are required by law to call EMS and initiate life saving efforts on him. What do you recommend and is there anything that we can put in place to not have that happen? My mother in law will not change her mind. I hate the thought of him not being able to pass away peacefully.
I would also continue to emphasize it was his wish and going against it now is disrespectful to his wishes from when he was of sound mind to make it known.
Wishing you well in this struggle
She is struggling to let him go with this sudden decision as if there is a cure for Alzheimer's.
Like many others, she may see a DNR as WITHOLDING medical treatment he would need, making him die when he's not ready to.
Another view is PREVENTING painful & futile treatments at the end of life stage. Letting them go when their time comes.
Sit with her & ask her - would you want him to go peacefully if that was possible?
Hold her hand, tell her she can do it: she can hold his hand everyday, tell him she loves him, thank him for a wonderful marriage. When the time approaches, she can also say goodbye. That's her job now. To hold his hand.
That said, it is quite possible that she is terrified of losing some income. If they both receive SS, she will lose hers when he dies but she will keep his. So this can result in a substantial loss of income especially if there are loans to pay off.
Or she may be enjoying visits to the facility; they allow her to get out of the house. They help alleviate loneliness for her.
I have run into the same problem with EMTs initiating life saving efforts on my mother ... something her DNR prohibits. The nursing home and her guardian refuse to let the DNR be the last word. I'm crushed, but cannot do anything because I'm no longer the POA. The guardian could care less and the nursing home even less. I called the EMT providers myself and asked them to adhere to her wishes...and bluntly told NO.
Bless your hearts for standing up for your father. Good luck!