Coming from out of town, how do I deal with delusions?
Haven't ask any questions for a few months but I do read questions and comments daily. I have been in Arizona since mid Oct and Mom is still in Ohio. I speak with her via phone daily, she is very delusional. I am going to spend about 2 weeks with her next month as she is having an out patient bladder lift procedure done. I feel very guilty saying that I am dreading it!!
She had some recall work done on her car at her dealership. Yes, she is still driving. Ever since the story has increased about what they have done to her car. Took it to an auction and sold and exchanged parts, made it look like a race car, changed all external parts, now changed front seats, internal lights, tires etc, etc. She's been to the dealership, tried to secure an attorney to take them to court and the police. Of course everyone is brushing her off telling her that it's too big of a case, they don't handle that, has to go out of town because dealership is not in their jurisdiction etc.
She tells me that "I of all people should know that she doesn't exaggerate". She doesn't want me to drive the car, which I need, because it is dangerous.
How do I handle this? What do I say about her car? My daughter has seen it, it is just fine.
That's not the only thing she's delusional about!
Her house is immaculate, she's also cooking, shopping (wearing mask and gloves) and caring for herself fine. ??????
6 Answers
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- I'm looking for some basic advice on where to start and what to do for my mother (82) that has dementia, and is losing her mind quickly.
- MIL is in a nursing home and is experiencing severe delusions and confusion for about two weeks now on and off. What can I ask the NH to do?
- How should I respond to my Mom when she says her dead husband is alive or when she talks to me as if I were him?
- Mom thinks people are stealing from her. Advice?
My mom has bpd and has had life long delusions. They have been of the paranoid type where people are out to get her.
December 2019 she started to claim to see men standing on gas station roofs and didn’t know where she was when I drove her around the neighborhood or around her town. I took her to a neurologist for a five point test - balance, memory, etc. She received a CT scan and an MRI at my insistence. Everything was ok.
My mom can take care of herself fine - grooming, cooking, cleaning, shopping. Those take memory skills and planning. I was perplexed. She was upset I was going out for my morning coffee and began to cry. It’s nothing new for her to cry. This time I looked at her eyes and noticed no tears. I put my finger underneath one eye. Dry.
I thought she’s lying about the men on the roof and being lost, too. I asked her where the tears were and if she lied about the other stuff. She didn’t know.
The men on the roof did go away and she became “found” after she was “lost.” I would quiz her about her whereabouts and she gave the right answer always.
Getting older and being alone may lead many seniors to feel desperate. Desperate people may take desperate measures and be cognitively A-ok. Noticed the family doctor dx her with dementia in your profile. I don’t know if she’s been to a neurologist for a work up.
Hope that may be of some help. If am wrong about her - sorry!
Your mother needs to move into managed care where she will be safe. When you go for a visit, check into local Assisted Living/Memory Care communities and go from there.
As far as feeling guilty about spending two weeks with your mother, I dread going to VISIT my mother for the 25 minute window visits on Sundays. She lives in Memory Care 4 miles away and it's usually quite an ordeal when my DH & I go to see her every week. To say she 'exaggerates' is a gross understatement............the bald faced lies she tells keeps me calling the AL all the time to Fact Check. Otherwise, I'd be even more of a nervous wreck and anxiety ridden than I already am.
Dementia is no joke. It's dangerous in a myriad of different ways. It's a problem for ALL of the family too, not just the person suffering from it. You feeling 'guilty' is telling you that action needs to be taken here b/c your mother is in over her head where she's at. Listen to what your mind and body is telling you. If she needs a Neurological evaluation to get her placed, then arrange one.
Wishing you the best of luck with a very difficult situation. You have my sympathy. I was very fortunate b/c I was able to place both of my folks in AL after dad fell and broke his hip in 2014 and we had no other choice. He passed in 2015 and my mother continued her decline with dementia and other issues, so AL and now Memory Care was THE best possible choice for BOTH of us!
P.S. See if your mom can be given an epidural for the surgery instead of general anesthesia...........MUCH easier on the body and nothing to 'wake up' from either. Alva is right about GA being very difficult on a demented elder and that your mom may need rehab afterwards; my dad did, without dementia!!!!!!!!!!!
From what you say it sounds as though your mother should no longer be alone, but of course there is no diagnosis, so no one currently has a thing to say about that. Very worried for your Mom, and for you moving forward. Keep a diary starting now. Wishing you all the luck in the world and I hope you'll update us. Who is reporting to you how capable and meticulous and clean your Mom's place is? Is your Mom's doctor aware of her current mental condition?
Good point about the anesthesia, I hadn't thought of afterwards!!! UGH.
Anti-psychotic nedications are often helpful in this sort of situation.
Have you done something wrong? Dishonest? Not in accordance with your standards of behavior?
It doesn't seem so to me. You care about your mother. You have undertaken to be her Power of Attorney and you are gifting her money every month to keep her afloat. You are, in very real ways, enabling her, and propping her up, so that she remains "independent".
You'd rather she move to Arizona to be near you so that you can look after her better. She refuses, wishing to remain in Ohio, forcing you to endanger yourself to travel to care for her.
I think SHE is the one who should feel guilty!!
Has mom's doctor told her that she has dementia yet? If not, you need to demand that he have that conversation with her. It is not YOUR place to deliver that news. You need to call him and tell him about this very major delusion about her car. You need to find out if he thinks she retains the ability to drive and live alone. And then HE needs to tell her that news.
My mother's neurologist delivered the news to my mother than she could not longer live alone and should not drive. This is standard procedure for docs in this area of medicine. If he can't hack it, find another doc.
You should NOT be considering becoming mom's caregiver if you are becoming depressed and anxious about it. Please find a therapist to talk to about your mis-perception that you are in someway committing a wrong by not acceeding to your mother's unreasonable demands.
Your needs and desires to live a happy and fufulling retirement in every way trump your mother's demands that you remove yourself from your home to care for her.
I am looking for help with how do I react and what do I say to her in response to "false" comments about the car. I know that these things are "real" to her.
I think that you may be setting yourself up for a disaster.
Just about everyone is apprehensive about changes in their lives.
For your mom there are obvious reasons that it is becoming necessary for her to surrender her independence.
That doesn’t mean that you have to take on the responsibility of looking after her yourself.
Have you considered care in a facility?