.Hi, first of all, some context: I've been caring for my mother with Alzheimer's for several years. I was diagnosed with caregiver burnout by a psychologist. She recommended that I change psychiatrists because she doesn't think my mother has the right medication, and I already have one in mind with good references, but until I save up the money...
I'm not American and I don't live in the United States, so I don't have access to the resources of your country.
The behaviors:
1. She follows me everywhere during the day, talking about her hallucinations, about how they want to hurt her or us. Sometimes she knows I'm her daughter, other times she says I'm a friend, and other times an enemy. Listen to her everyday almost all day ...I look for reasons to get out of the house.
2. One day I woke up at 3 a.m. and she was screaming out the window that she was being kidnapped and beaten. I woke up being insulted.
3. Every time I stop her from taking something or catch her damaging something, she gets dramatic, telling herself that nobody loves her and that she's worthless, or she says I'm evil and that I mistreat her.
4. Because of her habit of taking things from my bedroom, I made a small repair to the magnetic door, and she broke it, leaving the door flapping open like a fan.
5. On another occasion, she tried to wake me up, but I wouldn't wake up, so she decided to wake me by hitting me with a plate.
I don't know how to deal with her, how to calm her down or redirect her attention. I've read some tips, but they don't seem to work, and sometimes I just go sit in front of the 24/7 nearby or stay outside my apartment looking at my phone.
I used to love Christmas, but I haven't celebrated it for two years. Actually, I don't celebrate anything anymore.
My family exists, but they don't really exist. They've expressed good wishes and concern, but I don't see anyone visiting us... even though they've promised.
My social life revolves around a gaming community where I meet up to play together and chat with online.
I feel exhausted. My body tells me I have things to take care of, and overall I feel like this situation with my mother is taking years off my life.
In the meantime you have some choices. Like installing a deadbolt lock on your bedroom door. One that locks from the inside and uses a key on the outside. Your mother no matter how out-of-it she is will not be able to break through that. It's for your own safety. When she gets violent call the police and have her removed. You also have a right to defend yourself from getting hurt by her.
I was an in-home caregiver for 25 years to many people with dementia or mental illness who were strong and fit but also violent. I never took an injury from any care client no matter how violent they were. My safety always came first before the client and anything else. Yours must also. You do what you have to so you can stay safe. You are alone in the home with a very dangerous person who's not in their right mind. That's very different than being in a care facility with a full staff and medical personel who can drug a person immediately to get them under control. If you are forced to defend yourself and she sustains an injury, so be it. Your safety must come first.
The two of you cannot live together anymore. It's not safe for either of you. Your mother has Alzheimer's. A person with Alzheimer's is not safe in a home where the only caregiver refuses to wake up. It's not safe for you because she is violent.
Tell your family that you're leaving and are planning on dropping her off at a hospital and letting social services put her somewhere. Then do it. If they step up to try to help you that's a win, but don't count on it.
You have to take care of yourself because no one else is going to. You have to protect your own health and safety because no one else is going to. If this means you have to abandon your mother, sadly that is what you will have to do.
I'm so sorry for your situation and good luck.
Next time she is having a meltdown or break with reality, call 911 or whatever the equivalent is there, and ask that she be taken to the ER or a psychiatric facility for evaluation and treatment.
What kind of facilities does your country have for seniors with dementia?
You shouldn't have to continue in this precarious situation. It's not your mother's fault, and not your fault. Her brain is deteriorating and she needs some serious medical intervention.
Keep us posted on how things go.
My mother is currently without a psychiatrist. That doctor works in the public health system, and we had an argument, so I decided he would no longer be my mother's doctor. He never showed any interest when I told him how her situation was worsening; he only told me to increase her medication dosage if she had a crisis. He never once mentioned changing her treatment. Yes ,she needs a better doctor.
In my country, options for people with dementia are limited and depend mostly on private initiatives and foundations and public health system has limited hospital capacity due to resources, staff, and available beds.
I started investigating and there is a service equivalent to 911 in my country that was created a few years ago, but it hasn't been widely publicized and seems to have long response times, coordination problems, and other issues, even so, it's an option.