He was found walking aimlessly down the road close by. He was admitted on Monday and refuses to stay. The sister has asked for stronger 'anxiety' medication and decided by herself to give him a pill from another patient, which I find disturbing. Our doctor phoned them this morning and gave a script for same or similar after the sister asked for it. I feel they are there to deal with these issues and should by now already have the experience in knowing how to handle patients who resist. I was shocked to hear that he could have slipped out and would have thought that they have the elderly monitored to an extent. They told us that men are more difficult than the women.
It is very difficult for us and we don't want him back possibly worse than when he went in, if they say they cant keep him. We are worried. Any similar experiences?
I get your concern about the place giving up on him. I worried about that too. But, your dad's behavior is not that unusual. If he acted normal and was cooperative, then he wouldn't need to be in their facility. Being resistant to care is not an uncommon thing. That's why the staff in Memory Care Unit's are trained to work with them.
I always felt that if they couldn't handle the patient, then there is a place who can. I"m not a professional, but there are people who are and who can get uncooperative patients to accept care. It may take a little time, but that's how they learn to deal with the patient.
I wish you the best and I hope this place works out well after they get through this adjustment period. I would still insist on that meeting. They need to have the director, nurse, med tech, and any other person who is involved in his care present. They should have the notes, records, etc. to review and explain what has happened and what needs to happen now.
The home phones us all the time, when my dad soiled himself, or when he refused to eat. They have an open policy and keep the family informed.
We thought things looked better again today and the staff nurse and manager are happy to chat and answer questions. I think it might be better for us to stay away for a few days, after seeing him looking ok today, and give him time to settle in. They keeping an eye on him now that all the staff know him and I hope he will not be able to slip out again.
Thank you for all the support. Really appreciated :)
I may be wrong, but I do believe that they knock the uncooperative patient into some sort of robotic-mode with strong meds. I asked our doctor to prescribe Azlam .25mg, a low doze for possible anxiety and the nurse insisted my doctor prescribe Rispedal, which totally transformed him into subservience. It's very hard when you see the 'instant' difference.
As the poster above says, facilities that specialize in dementia have ways to keep patients safe and calm that don't involve unneeded psychiatric drugs. You need to have a cover satin with dad's doctor, alone, about what your dad's needs are and where they can best be met.
If he does need that higher level of care, then you might want to look into Home Care. 24/7 home care is about the same price as a Skilled Nursing Memory Care facility. 24/7 Home Care CAN give him that one on one care which a Skilled Nursing Facility can't possibly give him.
One additional thing I want to mention, when he says he "wants to go home" he is not really talking about the home where he currently lives, or even the home where his children grew up. He is talking about going back to the place HE grew up, the place where is Mother and Father live, and the place where he feels safe... and of course that place no longer exists.
That said, we were told we could visit yesterday and I didn't think it a good idea, but my sister felt we should go and we did. Was I sorry. My dad looked well taken care of, but did he perform. He started raising his voice and he insisted that he wanted to go home and threw such a tantrum to the point where I just walked out and he wouldn't let my sister out of his sight for half an hour before she could give him the slip. It was terrible and embarrassing. Half the other residents now ignore him. We are just hoping that they don't ask us to take him back. The senior nursing sister now goes out of her way to help. I think it might have been the reason she initially felt 'desperate' to calm him with the 'un-prescribed tablet, which he now have a prescription for. It is exhausting.
Geolin6, I totally agree. It must be difficult for any facility to deal with dementia and a strong personality. Definitely for the faint-hearted. My dad acts like 5yrs when he throws his tantrum and stubborn as a mule.
Pamstegman, You're so right. Just yesterday the snr nurse said that he is now no longer considered 'early-dementia and is now in the advanced stage.
CFCRochester, yesterday we were also told that he speaks of his mother who died fifty years ago and his late wife who died 5yrs ago and that he wants to go and see them. Might even be my mom who died 13 years ago, not sure. You're spot on and I almost didn't believe the nurse when she told me.
He went on so bad last week that my sister almost took him with her. I had to tell her if she did that, she could no longer rely on my 100% support. When he lived with her, she complained all the time and I did the trips to the doctor, hair salon, nails, outings etc. But why do we feel so bad, he was after all a part-time father for most of our growing up lives. It is exhausting, I repeat.
I'm not sure if it's a phase or if it will continue until the end. I can't imagine how sad she would be if she wasn't on antidepressants.
My dad is on a calming pill, not anti-depressant. I might have to speak to the doctor again. Not too happy about him taking so many pills.
The thinking processes/reasoning of a dementia patient are NOT the same as for me or you. You can't assign what you would mean if you behaved that way, to what they are doing. You really have to understand it in context of the brain degenerating, and different parts of control eroding away.
Some people behave as if they are in the past. Some become combative and agitated. It can really depend on what kind of dementia and other problems are going on.
youtube/watch?v=eBrY9v391L0
Since she went on the Cymbalta, she has been quite different. Granted, I did move her to a Secure Memory Care Unit, and they do know how to deal with her better, but it's more than that to me. Her attitude is much more care free. She doesn't blame herself anymore. She is pretty positive about everyone and has no issues with her roommate. She eats better than before and is generally doing better. The only thing now that bothers her is missing her deceased parents. Once in awhile she'll say there are some people you can't trust, but she isn't obsessed with it and she doesn't seem to be very bothered by it. Of course, she has no details about it.
Sunnygirl & ba8alou I will definitely take issue with the doctor about an anti-depressant. My dad is the same. he told me yesterday that the place is strange and the people don't greet. Well he threw a few tantrums and now half the residents ignore him.
Some lucky folks do adapt, and boy am I jealous! Some will eventually get there in time (many months). The period of adjustment can be very, very long, and the final adjusted stage may not be exactly what everybody had in mind, based on the infomercial in our brains!
I had to stop looking for happiness or signs of contentedness from my mom. Safety was the most important thing. Then making sure she was getting her meds and eating enough, reasonably clean, and that's it.
I was told today that everything is fine with him, but I also know he will look for ways to slip out.
Today it's been a bit about me. I felt bad almost all day about him being in a NH . I thought he just wanted to be surrounded by family and not strangers.
This is not easy.