I'm dealing with dementia, 90% speech aphasia (from a stroke) and lack of mobility issues with my mom who started living with me almost 2 years ago after my only sister unexpectedly passed away. Sometimes I wish I only had to deal with one of these issues. Not being able to understand 90% of what Mom says is terribly frustrating for me and her. I do everything for her, except spoon feed her. I've tried so many things to communicate with her. We've even tried a communication book. I realized today I have to pretend my sister is alive when Mom asks because she began to cry today when I told her the truth. For some reason it's extremely difficult for me to answer as if she was alive. We were very close and I miss her so much. My kids are frustrated because so much of my time is taking care of Mom. I wish I could spend more time with them and my husband. To whoever reads this, thank you for listening. I'm exhausted physically and emotionally and just needed to vent.
Bringing in outside help is great, but the cost of having around the clock in home assistance is quite expensive. Have you explored what services your mom might qualify for? I would explore that.
I'd also discuss her crying with her doctor to see if she is depressed or in having pain that she can't verbalize.
How would your husband and children cope without you? Come to that, what would happen to your mother if - God forbid - anything untoward happened to you?
Loving your mother and providing the best possible care for her does not have to mean doing it all yourself. Given the level of her needs, I urge you to find a good, cheerful facility for her where you can see her often. You MUST take care of yourself or it's going to end in disaster for everyone.
My mom is in exactly the same shape as your mom; wheelchair bpund, almost completely aphasic from a stroke and dependent on other for bathing, dressing, getting her to the bathroom. However, at her NH, there are card parties, music sessions and Bible Study. And people to watch!
The nurses at the facility are much, much better than i at determining what mom wants.
Please, start looking, apply for Medicaid if that's what it takes to pay for it. Your children and husband deserve to have your care and attention. You deserve your mental and physical health. And your mother needs and deserves more care than one person can give.
You are burned out, ask for assistance there many homecare experts that can help you deal with her. My next door neighbor is a home care specialist and she understands people's needs.
Have you contacted medicare to see what available to you? You are not giving up on her, but you have to be strong. I know how hard it is, my mother required assistance up until 5 days before her death, luckily I have five siblings who could give each other breaks. She was very difficult to deal with.