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Bless your heart! Sad to learn of this the way you did. I hope they were loving parents to you. You will get beyond this. Hugs.
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I was adopted as an infant, my parents did tell me. I would say no matter when you find out, it's a complicated issue and will take time to shift though all the emotions.

I recently lost my last remaining parent also and that is it's own form of complicated grief. As a therapist I would suggest finding some who deals with adoption issues and see if that is a fit for you to process everything.

Take care!
Kay
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I’m sorry for your loss. You probably will never know the reason your parents kept this news from you. If it were me, I’d like to believe that it was out of love. Not wanting you to be hurt. I had a wonderful friend that knew she was adopted. Her wonderful parents gave her the adoption papers when she married but asked that she not open them until they had passed. She respected their wishes and eventually found her birth mother. But, always thought of her adoptive parents as her “real” parents. Good luck if you decide to pursue that route. But, always remember the people that gave you a family 💜
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There may be another factor--simple procrastination (or indecision). I know a family in which the son was adopted as a baby, and the adoptive parents scratched their heads as to the "right time" to tell him. Should they "wait until he is older and more likely to understand and accept it?" Whoops, he got to be old enough that "maybe he'll wonder why we kept this information from him all these years". Now he's an adult approaching 30, and STILL hasn't been told, and I don't believe the parents have any plans to tell him.
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jacobsonbob Apr 2019
One of the other comments motivated to add the following: the biological mother of this boy also had four sons that she reared. She got sick and died at a young age, and on her deathbed she made a comment about her "five sons" but others corrected her by saying "no, you have only four". Of course she was telling the truth but the others didn't know that.
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I don't know if what I'm about to say has been brought up because I don't have time before leaving for work to read through everything.
I've been working on my grandmother's genealogy. She was born in 1897 and passed away in 1976. She was adopted and knew she was adopted, but never was told anything about her birth family. For whatever reason, she wanted to always know where she came from. So since all the DNA testing came about I saw a way to research and maybe find some answers. By way of doing that, I have joined some Facebook pages that help people do that kind of research. I know you are not asking for help in that direction, but there are people that are searching for one or both birth parents on those groups. Some have always known they are adopted, some found out after doing their dna that the father that raised them is not their bio father etc. I'm just wanting to let you know that there are groups born out of this for people that have found out information like you have and are giving each other support. I've seen them commenting about these groups. I just wanted to give you that info because at some point it might help you to know you aren't alone. These groups are usually private so your other friends can't see and don't even have to know you're a member. The groups that I'm a member of are also private. They are DNA Detectives, and DD social. They were started by CeCe Moore, the genetic genealogist on "finding your roots" and also the person that is solving all the cold cases your read about. If you are interested I would suggest you join DD social and ask for the name of the groups I was talking about. There are many sweet people on their willing to help. I hope whatever you decide to do, that you find the peace you need with your new information.
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I think adopted children are those that have been chosen because they are wanted. Unfortunately, some biological children aren't able to say that and grow up in a house that doesn't provide them with the love and support they need. I have two brothers who my parents adopted when they were very young. They are not biologically related but came to our home as foster children about the same time. It was clear that one of my brothers could not tolerate another move so my parents asked if they could adopt both children. Unlike you, my brothers have always known that they were adopted so I understand that your circumstance is different. But, I will tell you from a sibling's perspective, there was no difference in how I felt about these two brothers and my biological brother. And, from a child's perspective, there was absolutely no difference in how my parents treated any of us.

It's unfortunate that you found out about the adoption this way as it most likely wouldn't have made any difference if you had known earlier. But, like others have said, your parents may have been afraid of how the news would be received, so made a choice. You will probably never know the reason but you do know you were loved, cared for and wanted by your Mom and Dad and that is what is most important. I hope you find peace to help you through this difficult time.
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I could be wrong but i think from my own experience that not telling a child theyre adopted is a feeling of insufficiency (?) in the parent.

Since i was about 10 Ive known i was adopted but when my mom was in independent living and her 80s she started making remarks ... people would say we looked alike and i guess ive blocked exactly what she said but she’d remark to me something like we’re not related. she also once said that she was the last of the family line. Other things i didnt realize till just now that ive blocked also but must have been about her inability to have kids.

Ive felt for years that i was the puppy my parents got after they were in an accident and my mom had a hysterectomy. Actually not a bad feeling since i felt they felt they needed me.

They said that they had to go to court ... it was a private adoption by the way ... where they were afraid they wouldnt get me and one day when i was on a train to visit my aunt and uncle ... you can tell this was a long time ago ... i saw my mother crying as the train started moving away.

Yes im sure its a shock. But especially since your mom put the paperwork away im sure you can feel sure how much your mom wanted you and your brother to be her own.

i belong to two dna sites and found a cousin but my parents generation is dead now and except for my cousin mine either dont know anything or dont want to.

Youre still young yet so with the access available you can find out a lot ... more too than i can since im female. But now im kind of resigned and wonder why im still trying ... but i will continue to anyway.

Most of all ... feel loved.
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TouchMatters Apr 2019
We never know the reasons until we ask or find out. I do believe many women who give up their child to adoption do it 110% in the best interest of their child - to give them a better chance at a good life. It is a self-less act of loving kindness.
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Hmm...I’m thinking from a mom perspective. You go through your young life playing with dolls and dreaming of being a mom only to find that when the time comes you can’t. Maybe she lost a baby, or more likely several babies. My aunt lost three, named and buried them all. She later adopted two children.

So you know God gave you this gift but not the conventional means to express it. Now, it’s the 60s. Adoption was not like it is today. As parents they were probably desperate for this outlet of love and just followed the advice of adoption counselors, family, etc. they didn’t have the same idea of psychology at that time either. I would guess “telling children they’re adopted could result in....”(add something that would have terrified your parents).

So they finally get this wonderful baby. They are overjoyed. They take great care and cross t’s and dot i’s, and their mission in life is to love you and never ever lose you because they have already lost too many children.

Fast forward through the years and they love you as flesh and blood the way any good parent does. You never notice a difference. Maybe they talk about “Should we tell them?” From time to time but fear holds them back. We might lose them! I have children. I can imagine the fear of them growing up, loving their in-laws more than us (closest thing to other parents I can imagine) and then growing farther away.

But.....your mom took care. She ensured their safety from the elements by double bagging them? Those documents signify the happiest days of her life. The day she was finally a mom. From this mom’s perspective, it was her treasure. You and your brother are her precious treasures. She kept them because they were special to her and she wasn’t ashamed but she wanted to hold on to the lie that “I am their mom. Just me. I love them, I always wanted them, and no ones going to take them away from me.”

Fast forward to more current times, she probably realized that adopted children might need or want to know about their biological families, so she kept them too, so you would have the truth and be able to do what you needed to do when the time came. I’m sure the weight of “an I doing the right thing,” and the weight of the fear of losing you was just difficult.

I can’t understand how you feel. But I am a mom. And from this perspective, you were fiercely loved. How blessed you are! :)
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Rosses003 Apr 2019
Wonderful and likely very factual answer Granddaughter12!

I think you right-guessed all these parents feelings, thoughts and concerns.

And dear mikejrexec, although I know this is naturally a shock, I think having given care for both of your parents is the greatest shock there is! (Definitely not an easy path) so at this point, if I were you, I would likely just move on, because you were indeed your parents child, the chosen, the desired, the blessing from God! as your sibling was too.

If you are curious you could attempt to find out who your blood relatives are...yet at this point, when you are so tired from all you’ve gone through, would it be worth it to put yourself through more emotional distress? Only you can answer that and decide.

But as far as who your parents were, which family do you come from, and which love covered you and your sibling as only parent’s love can, that is clear with no doubt, the two parents that raised you, who you took care of until the end and who loved you until the end, those as your parents and always will be. I think you both were the most precious gift for them.

A hug and God bless!
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Wow, Mike, what a tale. You are handling this well. One thought regarding your brother. You might consider giving him some control over whether or when he gets the news. You could tell him that you discovered something important while cleaning out your mother's personal effects and ask him if he wants to know. He may say, "Yes, of course." He may say, "No, I don't want to hear any secrets." Or he may say no and then return some day, mentally prepared to hear the news.

I have a sister who delivers bad news like a sniper when it would be just as easy to be kind and respectful. It does nothing to enhance our shaky relationship.
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Oh my goodness. What a moment for you and your brother. I hope the two of you discuss this and it can even bring you closer. Please consider seeing a counselor should you need someone to work through this with.
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Hi - this has obviously come as a great shock and there are many ways to deal with it once the numbness has worn off - if it were me I would want to explore several issues, perhaps the first being whether you and your brother are indeed biological brothers. If so, then your mum did a very brave in adopting two very young children which you obviously were as you have no memories of this. But irrespective of this relationship, you may want to find out who your biological mother was and whether you have any other siblings. At 57 you have many years ahead of you and to find siblings you never knew you had, or perhaps even a mother or father still alive, might be a good thing for you. Alternatively you could just try to forget what you have found but it's doubtful that you can do that. Have you shared this information with your brother?
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Mike, I can only echo my feelings of sorrow for your loss. You have done God's work in taking care of your Mom. I can't imagine the mix of emotions you must be feeling, but try to keep in mind that your parents loved you and wanted you. They did everything they knew how to give you all the love and support every child needs to grow and thrive. I know that this revelation is shocking you to your soul, and I pray that you receive support and all the love you need as you make your way through this.

I am keeping you in my prayers, Mike....
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Good Morning, sweet lady...I am so sorry for the loss of both parents as I write this. I am going in a few weeks to bury my mom, as no burials in the winter in Upstate, New York. I feel as I write this that your parents loved YOU so very much, Along with your brother, that No monkey wrenches did they dare WANT in this circle of love and a Loving and Giving Foundation they created out of Love for You's and from GOD, So the secret went to the Grave with them...
I feel I am right and God Bless, They now look down on you as an Angel...NO, you have Not been "Taken," Just maybe Now, "Taken by Surprise" BY MY ANSWER...xx
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I'm adopted. It's must be very difficult time for you. You have my complete support. Best of luck to you🙏.
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Wow. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. And sometimes you gain a piece of info but do not know what to do with it. But I advise that you focus on the positive. Your parents probably did not tell you and your brother for fear that you both would feel disconnected from them and from each other. Maybe that was the dilemma your parents were trying to protect you from. I assume you had a good upbringing, that they provided for you and protected you, and that they gave you an opportunity to have a normal childhood - not bouncing around from foster home to foster home like most orphaned kids do. You can speculate all you want but what you experienced is what counts because that was reality: They loved you and you loved them.
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mike, condolences for your loss and I hope you stick around for support in the coming days, weeks, etc.

I find out from my eldest sister a few years back now that my dad had been married previously before he met my mom. I had assumed everyone else in the family knew but found out they didn't.

When my mom passed four years ago we were all freely discussing stuff and everyone was in shock when they found this out. My mom never liked to discuss personal things and I often wonder if there are other things I don't know. Not that dad being married before was a big deal as I never got to know him anyhow.

I think it's good that you know maybe. Was it a private adoption? The reason I ask is there may be medical history things you may need to know one day perhaps. If someone has already asked this, disregard.
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OP my heart goes out to you as you navigate. I will be following. I know prob doesn't help you right now. But I, and others are keeping you in our hearts as you weather this storm. You will weather. Not without some dings. But you will. We got your back. Always.
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Hi, Mike, welcome to the forum. Let me add my condolences on the loss of your parents. You will find much support here.

I remember my shock at age 10 when my parents revealed that Mom had been married before marrying our Dad, and that our older sisters were hers, but not his, and that he had adopted them. This meant they were not our full sisters. (We also had another brother being raised by her brother, but that's another chapter!) It took some getting used to! I wish counseling had been an option at that time, back in the 60's. Instead it was, Welp, your whole lives have been based on a lie, happy birthday, now go play.

I may be romanticizing your story a bit, but here's my take on it. I think your Mom meant for you to find those papers. The fact that they were double-wrapped indicates the care she took to protect them. But it seems to me that she must have promised someone never to tell you that you were adopted, and she kept that promise. Who was so important to her that she kept that vow to her dying day? Surely it could only have been your birth mother - someone who held a deep hold over her. Someone that she loved dearly. A sister? A friend? Or was making and keeping that secret a condition of the adoption? In any case, your mom was a woman of her word, an honorable woman. How blessed you were to have been raised by her! She never *told* you. Yet she knew you and your brother had a right to know. She has trusted you with this information. Now it's your turn to do the right thing.

God bless and guide you going forward, my friend.
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mikejrexec Apr 2019
Thank you very much for those kind words. I will do the right thing.
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Just wanted to let you know I'm sorry for your loss. Being a caregiver is a very stressful job from the first day to the last. Take time to grieve your loss now. I'm sorry you had to find out about the adoption in the manner that you did. Your mother must of had her reasons for not telling you were adopted. Nevertheless you loved your adoptive parents as they loved you very much. When the time is right address your adoption issue as it will always be in the back if your mind. You will never know under what circumstances you were adopted unless you investigate it. I am married to a man that was adopted at birth. Although he knew he was adopted from the time he could remember. A fear his adoptive mother had is, if he ever found his biological family he would form a bond with them and she would be forgotten. It was her insecurity. So my husband remained loyal to her but in the back of his mind it was not the bio parents he was so interested in. It was who and how many sibling's did he have. To make a long story short, I set out to find any sibling's he could of had. I eventually found a brother who for many year was looking for him. His bio brother never knew he had a brother that was put up for adoption . He found out from an old family friend. When he confronted his Aunt about the brother who was put up for adoption, she said yes and we were sworn to secrecy not to tell. We had a wonderful reunion with his bio brother and family. The news media came to our house to capture the meeting and share their story. We developed a friendship with his brother and his family. That was over 25 years ago. Adoption is a beautiful arrangement. My one daughter adopted 5 beautiful children that I am proud to call my grandchildren. I can't even imagine where these children would of ended up if they weren't adopted into our family.
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mikejrexec Apr 2019
That is a great story. I was not really thinking about the possibility of having siblings out there. Right now I'm actually thinking more about my biological mother and if she needs to know what happened to me. But my emotions change daily.
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I am 56 and adopted. Both my siblings are also adopted. Thankfully my parents raised us knowing we were adopted. They always told us, we were selected, not expected. Every year on our official adoption day, mom celebrated our "happy day". She made our favorite meal and cupcake with a candle in it. So to me, my adoption was no big deal. I can't imagine how you must feel now. Maybe your mom was afraid of telling you and siblings this, thinking maybe one day you may want to find your birth mother. The thought of that, may have scared her. To her, all of you were HER children. Please think of it that way. Think how you might have felt if unable to give birth to your own child. She must have loved you all so very much, that she feared losing you one day. I've never tried finding my birth mom, knowing how it would hurt my mom. My adopted parents are my mom and dad, period. Back in the 50's and 60's, my mom said it was common to never tell about the adoption. I hope this helps you sweet heart. We're selected, not expected.
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jacobsonbob Apr 2019
I knew someone who had a similar experience. His adoptive parents explained this to him when he was very young and told him they had chosen him. His family had a store or similar business, and he said he was so proud of being adopted he announced it to all the customers!
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Oh my gosh... that must be so shocking. I have known people who discovered large family secrets late in life and just recently was discussing it with my sister. I said, at that point, its maybe better to just keep quiet about it. Idk what is best. I cannot imagine that your adoptive parents believed the truth would never be known. It doesnt change WHO you are, but perhaps how you FEEL about who you are.
Now you have to think about whether or not to seek out your biological family, and consider the implications of that. And wonder about siblings, as well.
I cannot imagine the inner turmoil you are experiencing. I hope you are seeking counseling to help sort out your feelings about all this.
Im sorry for your loss. You were loved enough to be adopted by these people and raised by them. It seems they wanted the best for you, they must have done what they thought was right.
Ill be keeping good thoughts for you.
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jacobsonbob Apr 2019
Considering how the OP discovered this, the adoptive parents possibly believed this "secret" wouldn't be revealed to him. (Maybe they simply didn't get around to cleaning everything out, or had even forgotten the paperwork was there.) On the other hand, maybe they were hoping this bit of "evidence" would be discovered after they were gone. One cannot really know the answer to this.
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There is a really good movie by Mike Leigh called 'Secrets and Lies' that talks about all sorts of issues relating to adoption. You might like to find and watch it. Just a bit relevant, and another take on finding out about adoption after a mother's death.
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mikejrexec Apr 2019
I will find it. Thank you very much.
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If in time you want to research where and who you came from, I’ve seen HUGE amounts of closure on this subject when you locate a long lost family member. If not, Christ is really you’re parent, and that’s the bottom line for us all. 💝
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1nephew Apr 2019
No, Colyne, Christ is not everyone's parent. I know your intent is to offer support to mike, but since you said "that's the bottom line for us all," I feel the need to say that no, that is not everyone's bottom line. I take exception to your statement. I am Jewish, and I don't like it when people assume that everyone shares their own personal religious beliefs. Some do and some don't. You don't know how Mike feels, really. Why not put out that you believe in a heavenly father and it's a comfort to you, and if that fits with his beliefs, you will have reminded him... and if it doesn't, there's no harm done.
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I am sorry for the loss of your mom. That is hard enough without added revelations.

I wonder if they had intended to tell you guys and trying to find the appropriate age so you could understand and then life happened and then they felt that they waited to long and didn't want to disrupt their loving, happy home. Just a thought.

I always planned on adopting a half dozen children, from the time I was 15. I always felt that I had enough love to share with very special children that The Lord would give me. I married a man with children and decided that I would never make them feel like he left them to have another family, I don't have a heart to hurt children. I am happy that we didn't have children to interfere with their lives and make them feel less to their dad. However, I would have loved to be mom to little people that needed a mom.

I am happy for you that you were loved and cherished by your parents. The information you found really changes nothing as far as your life goes, what a blessing to be raised by people that sought you out and loved you unconditionally.

What a tale you have to tell.

Again, I am sorry for the loss of your mom.
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mikejrexec Apr 2019
Thank you very much. I am concentrating on the loving parents they were for now.
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Dad had something similar happen 6 months after his mother died (about 20 years after his Dad died).

Dad was the only child of immigrant parents from two different countries. He grew up without any family other than his parents. 6 months after his Mum died we got a phone call, "Is this the Tothill residence?" And the man at the other end pronounced the name properly.

Long story short, Dad discovered his father had had two other families and abandoned both of them in the UK. Dad had two sisters and a brother, but did not find out until he was 54 years old. It is unlikely that my grandparent's marriage was legal, (no evidence that grandpa divorced wife number one nor wife number 2).

To make it worse my grandfather always told people how he wished he had more children, as if my Dad was not enough.

Dad was gutted to learn his parents had lied to him to their death beds. It was too late for him to connect with his oldest sister, but I am in touch with her grandson. He was able to meet his younger sister and brother via phone calls before they passed away.

I know this is not the same as learning that you were adopted, but family secrets can be devastating to learn at any age, and it is so much harder when the parent is no longer there to answer questions.
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mikejrexec Apr 2019
That is the thing about this situation that is making it hard to reconcile, there isn't anyone left alive to answer any of my questions.
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It seems like your parents loved you. They are no less your parents because of how you came to them. You didn't say whether you will show the papers to your brother? Ask yourself, if he had found the papers would you want him to show them to you. When you lose your second parent it is somewhat harder than the first. You come to face your own mortality. You are dealing with alot right now. Perhaps you and your brother could help each other sort out your feelings, assuming your relationship is good.
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mikejrexec Apr 2019
Yes I will definitely show my brother the papers the next time I see him. We are not close but I am sure I will see him again.
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Sometimes people keep secrets because they think they are protecting the ones they love so much (even though it rarely works out that way). It's like that expression, what goes on in the dark comes out in the light, eventually. I can't imagine how this must feel for you. I hope you find peace with this, wherever this road may lead you.
And I'll throw this in too. She kept those papers. 'Double bagged' in a sock drawer? May be going to far, but maybe she, on some level, wanted you to know? But maybe loved you so much she was afraid she'd hurt you? I don't know how your relationship was with them. Just a thought. (that maybe I should have kept to myself)! I wish you well.
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mikejrexec Apr 2019
I have had the same thought about her secretly wanting me to find those papers. We will never know for sure but I do know she had looked at them recently because the outside bag was from a recent purchase.
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Dear Mike, this is something you will probably think about for years, and you will find that ‘odd’ stories are much more common than you imagined. My son-in-law’s youngest brother is actually his cousin’s son, and the youngest child in many large families turns out to be a 'mistake' of the oldest teenage daughter. I knew a boy whose 'mother' was actually his aunt - his birth mother had died in childbirth. I actually wish that I wasn’t my father’s daughter – I wouldn’t have inherited scoliosis.

My DH donated sperm for artificial insemination when he was unmarried in his thirties, and the ‘contract’ was that it was never to be revealed. When the ‘contract’ was overturned legally, he found that he had fathered twelve (over the limit, but apparently he was a great donor). We started to find out about that when the first child contacted him from another country (she sent him a pair of socks with New Zealand sheep on them!). Many donor children find out in difficult circumstances, when their parents’ marriage breaks up or when there is a genetic health issue. For children who have difficult teenage years, the knowledge that they are ‘not really’ their parents’ offspring can make their rebellion even worse. I wrote to one teenager who was seriously upset, saying that stories about the princess in the swineherd’s cottage are part of folk lore, because so many people have that ‘I don’t really belong here’ feeling. For some, not knowing at that stage might actually be the best option.

None of us live in our parents’ world, or completely understand what and why some things seemed best to them. Focus on the good bits, and treat this as just one of the things that have made you unique. Yours, Margaret
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Multiple hugs to you mikejrexec. It is a wonderful thing that you never worried about whether you were adopted and a sure sign that you were wanted and loved.

I “lost” an adoption when her birth mother decided to give her to another family, and the loss was like a death to me.

Breathe easy, Good Child, and cherish memories of those who loved you!
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mikejrexec Apr 2019
You are so sweet. Big hug for you.
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Mike, I’m so sorry, both for the death of your mother and for this “beyond the grave” confession of sorts.

You don’t say how old your mom was or what her life was like, but for some reason, some parents of a certain era thought it was a great idea to have family secrets, especially from their kids. Nowadays, 11 year olds, like my grandson, are a whole heck of a lot more savvy and aware than we were at that age. We were kids longer if that makes sense. Adoption now is touted as a wonderful thing, something to be proud of. It’s common. But back then, apparently you needed to be very secretive about not being able to bear children. No one even considered letting the adopted child know just in case there were genetic conditions and diseases that should be passed along. I remember I had a friend back in the late 50’s and 60’s who was adopted. She was actually pitied by my parents and their friends. Now, it’s like “Oh, you’re adopted? Wow. Cool. Let’s go play Legos.

Right now, you’re grieving your mom’s death. You are understandably numb. But don’t discount these papers. There may be people out there who want to meet you, you know? And some day you may want to meet them.

Just one more thing. I’ve shared this before. When my mom was in the midst of a delusional episode in the nursing home,she made a comment about my grandfather’s death and how he “had the right idea.” “Huh?” I thought. Dying of a heart attack was the “right idea”? But it bugged me so much I went home and found his death certificate. And found out he’d committed suicide by hanging himself. It had been hidden from me for 50 years. Even as an adult. I was very angry at my mother and my relatives for hiding this from me for all those years. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself becoming angry as well. They had their reasons for hiding these things, and to them it made sense. Took me a long time to realize this.
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mikejrexec Apr 2019
Such a great answer. Yes I expect to be angry at some point but it will pass. You are right, they had their reasons and obviously it made sense to them. The papers are now in a safe place until I feel like revisiting them.
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