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i know what you mean and then add ontop of that IF they have problems with their dentures and chewing stuff that normally would work. my mother got brand new dentures at age 90, her others were over 60 years old and barely working. of course with her being diabetic she had some jaw bone loss so even with new dentures, her bottom ones don't stay put too well. I am waiting for her to sneeze one day and them go flying out of the mouth. anyhow, yes older people do lose the sense of certain tastes and with dementia one minute they want one thing but later not so much. all you can do is buy the sweets and let them in the house, for fruits.....i would buy just little amounts (like 3 bananas, or 2 pears, or small container of watermelon) for her......or buy bigger amount, take out just little amounts for her and you use the rest for your family. my mother i don't think eats much even though she claims she is eating all day........yeah probably 1/2 cup now........1/2 about 2 hours later and so on which is good in a way. I wish you luck.......and vent away.
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Kimmotion Feb 2021
That's true, sometimes it's a chewing thing. Not that anything is physically wrong with her, but in her head there is. I can't do anything about that. Dementia is just a hard thing for me to accept, but accept it I must.
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Stop knocking yourself out trying to get her every kind of food because she gets an idea in her head that she wants it. She forgets about it one way or the other anyway.
Make sure she's supplied with easy, accessible food that she can get to. Like a bag of cookies on the table. Then that's it. Stop knocking yourself out trying to please her. She won't starve if you don't pick up a specific type of cake she wants.
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Kimmotion Apr 2021
I did the smart thing this time- decided to stick to what I know she will eat, and got her those entenmann's prepackaged minis. That way she gets a little snack, they keep for a long time and I don't have to run myself ragged. Win win.
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Most people lose their appetites/taste sensations as they grow older. It just happens, and is a natural part of aging. At age 94, if your GM will only take ensure and PB sandwiches, give her ensure and PB sandwiches if she is happy with that. Maybe take a soft fruit or two (bananas?) when you visit, and a donut or something. If she likes candy, then take candy that won't spoil and leave it out for her as her 'treat' if she wants it. Then don't worry about it if she doesn't eat them. Don't run yourself ragged trying to cater to your GM's feeding (not feeding) situation. You seem to be taking very good care of your GM, and really don't need to feel any guilt about her nutrition. Good luck with this.
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Kimmotion Apr 2021
You are so right, and this fact (her losing sense of taste and appetite) is a hard fact for me to accept because food was such a big part of our lives. That probably sounds ridiculous, but it's true- Grandma and I bonded over meals together. Ones that either she made herself (nothing like Grandma's italian homemade meals!) or we went out for breakfast together. I miss those days so much, I'd give anything to have it back again.

As for the whole eating scenario... I've come to realize this is Aunt Crazy (gma's daughter) getting into my head. She complained that I'm giving grandma the same foods over and over again, that I ought to mix it up. That made me feel guilty, and trying to cater to grandma's whims just doesn't work. So from here on out, I'm sticking to what I know and I'll leave the "change it up" crap to Aunt Crazy.
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Thank you all for your wonderful words of advice and support. It is truly a comfort to know that I am not alone in dealing with this, that there are people out there who truly understand this horrifying journey. I wish you all the best, and send you much love and comfort in return.

In my search to find something of an answer to this debacle, I discovered a few useful things that I thought to share:

1.) Many of Grandma's cravings were actually sugar crashes in disguise.

I'm kicking myself here a little because I should have recognized this from my own experience in weight loss: when I was super obese, I craved everything under the sun. When you eat to much refined sugar, it not only causes bad mood swings making you feel like crap, but it also makes you crave more refined sugar in return and creates a vicious cycle.

And I was right- turns out, she was eating too much of the bad stuff (regular soda, candy, cookies, etc.) And I mean really overdoing it, to the point where she was having upset stomach, nausea, dehydration, inflammation, not eating real food, and having the worst temper tantrums I've ever seen. So moderation is now key (*see point #4)

2.) Seltzer is a good switch from soda for hydration, and no nasty sugar crashes. And she'll drink it if I share a can with her and tell her it's soda.

3.) Cut up fruit. Why didn't I think of this sooner! She loves cut fruit, it's healthy, economical, she can easily access it from the fridge, and no resulting health issues from eating it. It also doesn't stand a chance of going bad in our house because it simply won't last long enough to do that. Fruit can also be hydrating, especially watermelon, so it solves a few problems at once. This is a win in my book.

4.) Moderating her "bad foods" by preparing a daily small snack baggie of them, and putting it in her lunch bag each day. Mind you I don't begrudge her anything so long as it's not a hinderance to her wellbeing (or mine, for that matter!)

I make a small lunch bag for her everyday, put one PBJ sandwich in it, a small snack baggie of chips and 2 cookies. She can easily grab it from the fridge. This, the breakfast I make her in the morning plus the cut fruit will tide her over until dinner. Perfect!

Can I be perfectly honest here folks? I can't believe I actually seem to have figured this one out.
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I'm glad I'm not alone on this topic also! My mother is constantly complaining about 'all' the 'varied' and 'delicious' foods I buy her. It is extremely wearing and it eats up most of the day (no pun intended ha!). But really, it's been so exhausting (let alone expensive)... while I haven't had time to cook or eat for myself! It's taken the Joy of eating out of me now!

My mother has 'labile' BP, which means her BP can swing widely with very high and low numbers at any given moment.

Her cardiologist told told her via Zoom recently, to watch the salt, and yet she seems to go out of her way to not listen...

I can't imagine how or what she would eat on her own. She's 93. Yes, I know people (usually, non-caregivers) say "give her what she wants at her age", but they're not the one taking care of her on a daily basis. Plus, in this Covid pandemic, I am working extremely hard to keep her as healthy as possible so she does not get sick or have to go into the hospital. I've learned that most people can talk the talk, but few walk the walk... especially, siblings... 'friends' (who are not physically present to deal with these issues... and, this is only 1 of many other issues eh?... like showering, cleaning up after them, answering questions almost non stop (as if you are the all-knowing, all-everything)...

I think if I wasn't caring for my mother she would only taste the salt (should she have the salt shaker) or sweets (which she says she rarely eats!... After Christmas, she was hooked on all the chocolate (and, not the good chocolate) that people were dropping off for her. Sometimes, I believe they didn't want to eat it themselves, so they passed it on to my mother... I'm having to wean her off of sugar... (she's unaware... and, doesn't miss all the sugar).

Yesterday, I made her pork ribs and sauerkraut, potatoes, onions... she asked me for. It took me all day... the clean-up and, putting things away, was a lot as well. She rarely says thank you. Actually, the day before, she actually told my brother and his 'new' girlfriend on FaceTime that I don't give her meat! She tells this to a total stranger!... I buy her meat all the time.... Expensive and the best meats... on my money.

What bothers me the most, is that she just won't stop talking and complaining about one thing or another. It goes on all day and night... At the end of the day, my mind is about to explode!

After all this... she now hates me... God only knows all I have done to get her well especially after these past 4 years (hip surgeries... one that was 'bad'... and, a fractured metacarpal in her left hand).

So, you and I are not alone and I thank God for the people on this site to help keep our sanity.

Sometimes, you can't 'win', no matter what.

All we can do is try.

God Bless you and everyone... Spring is almost here!!!

PS I lost 40 lbs (I didn't need to loose that much) during these last 4 years caring for her, in and out of hospitals,,, rehabs... drs visits... staying overnight... because, it was necessary... Now, I'm gaining some back... thank goodness!
(Oh yes, and that's not including 'physically' pushing, lifting, etc. Into wheel chairs, cars, etc... that caregivers don't even mention... Caregivers have a huge heart... and, deserve the best in their lives... also... !)
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Let me simply how to deal with 'picky' or 'fussy'.

Picky: This isn't a restaurant. If you don't want to eat what I'm offering then go hungry.

Fussy: If you don't like how I do it, then do it yourself. If you can't, either shut the hell up or do without it.

This is how to deal with picky and fussy. Works every time.
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