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I'm one that believes in taking care of our parents in our home. I would just say this, be open to the knowing you will change your life. You do not need to know exactly how right now but when the time comes you will make decisions based on your priorities and those priorities may change. Life is like a river, ever changing as it flows. Be open. And know you can not have it all. The picture after she moves in will not be what it is now so you have to let go of life "as you know it" and move towards the new life you will create.
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lidoeen, it is so sweet of you to take your Mom into your own home.... but don't be surprised when the parent/child dynamic starts to show up.

Your Mom will once again be the adult and she will consider you the child. She will try to take over because she is Mom, and will want you to do things her way. She might even wedge herself between you and your husband. It's just normal for that to happen. So be ready.

As for Mom liking to yell, I had visions of the TV show "Big Bang Theory" where one of the character's mother always yells. 
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My advice is though you love her, avoid taking her into your home and providing care. My mother has lived with us for over 25 years. We cannot go out to eat as she does not want to go. My wife works and so gets away from the house during the day, but if I try to go or do anything mom panics because I am not at her beck and call. Mom gets afraid if she cannot see me in the morning and comes to check to "see if I am okay". My wife and I cannot go out for over 2 hours without her calling to verify we are okay. Mom suffers from dementia and gets afraid even though she sleeps over 20 hours a day. She wakes in a panic and if she does not see or hear us (me), then we go through an inquisition until her fears subside.

My advice, avoid taking her into your home. Get federal assistance to put her into an assisted living facility and go visit as you have time. Do not let her set or control your schedule and activities.
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listen to jeannegibbs - she's 100% correct.
if Mom has money - use it to her care.
if Mom has no money - get the wheels started for Medicaid assistance - do it now!

while it is commendable to offer to take in Mom with all her problems, they're going to get a LOT worse over time and it will put a bind on your marriage. it's marital suicide. you'll never be right no matter what you do.

"financial assistance" is NOT the same as physical assistance. you are only one person - children or no, this most likely will cost you your marriage and probably your sanity as well.

please, rethink your options.
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A small 3-bedroom house with just one bathroom? (What happens when there's a blowout when there is no other bathroom???)
I don't see how you both can possibly work fulltime jobs plus the illustration business.
I foresee bigtime problems in your marriage. I can't imagine a spouse putting up with this situation.
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Is you decision final? Have you looked at other options? Sounds like you mom needs 24/7 care and that you are a very busy person.

Call a geriatric care manager - they will help you with everything - how to accommodate your home, hiring help or looking at other options. Please look at all your options before making your decisions.

I took care of my mother with Alzheimer's for 2 years (actually longer than that) but 2 years in my home. This will affect your marriage, your career and your health. Mom will become the central point for everything, she will become a part of every conversation. My mom would refuse to go to daycare, so I didn't go to work. We would have plans to go out and would have to cancel because she was agitated and refused home health care, the area were she lived smelled like urine, she ruined my carpet, we had plumbing issues because she would dispose of food into sink...(etc. etc.)

What is you mom's personality like? Is she sweet or demanding? You said "she loves to yell when she wants attention". That doesn't sound good. I agree with Jeanniegibbs, don't let mom call the shots here; the arrangements have to be on you and your husbands terms.
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All I can say is God help you. I had no idea what I was getting into when I took on 24/7 caregiving.
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I went through a private source with references; she did a good job with my mother, but gave no notice when she left for "higher paying" job -- just a text- (Omg!) I have tried 2 different agencies where they charge you $25/hr or more and "evaluate" you, your home & mom, safety bars around home, etc., & then they pay the actual caregiver $13 per hour or less. These people can "just suggest", -- basically you come home from a day of work, & they are sitting there & your mom has not had a bath or sponge bath, etc., because "she didn't feel like it & they can only suggest". I really wish you the best. I am sure you will manage well.
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"She's not social so Adult Day Care is out."

Um, excuse me lidoeen, but your mother is no longer in a position to call all the shots.

My husband (dementia) did not want to go to day care. Here is what I told him: "I am working very hard to do everything I can to keep you at home. You need to do your part, too. I need to be able to know you are safe while I go to my own appointments, check in at work, shop, and just have time to myself." He grumbled about not needing a babysitter but he did go. And he liked a lot of it!

You are rearranging not only your house but your lives to give Mom this opportunity to stay in a family home setting. She absolutely must be willing to make some sacrifices also. If you let her call all the shots from the very beginning I predict some very rocky roads ahead!

If IHSS or any program she qualifies for covers Adult Day Health programs that may be a very good option.
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Thank you for your honesty "Caregal." I realize the decision I'm going into is going to be very difficult and I'm not in denial over it. But I do appreciate how I should approach wages for a hired care-giver should I need it.

Thankfully, I'm not one who gets "grossed out" on cleaning matters but I am concerned about Mom's ability to communicate fairly and kindly now and in the long run. That's always hardest for me.

I do intend to talk to an Elder Law Attorney soon to see how to handle remaining assets as well as qualifying for Medi-Cal.

If I can ask, where did you go to find a caregiver? I was advised Care .com but curious if there are other local resources. I'm in the SFV area.
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No; I do not think 9 hours is enough; also you will get terribly tired; you find days that you probably are not "fit" to work because you are tired, depressed, overworked in general. I am a professional woman who has cared for my mom (now nearly 95) for 15 years in my home.  I have used large amounts of her income and assets as well as my own, as hers was not enough.  I had someone I felt I could trust working 24 hours per week -- 4 days at 6 hours per day (and that wasn't near enough). Help is very expensive -- here in Southern California -- For those hours, I paid that person nearly $7,000 net money within 60 days which included a $600 bonus (which is expected in this geographic area -- or they quit &  my mother needed the help).  Today as I write this I am having a hard day as I have this week cleaned after my mom until I am nearly sick -- one evening alone my husband (also a professional) and I cleaned her "potty" blow out for 3 hours -- it took two of us -- the floors of two rooms,  some walls, chairs, bed, bath, shampoo. I am not being negative -- just realistic about these things. What is being put upon those of us who do this, with little to no help from the rest of the family is hard, lonely, and tragic. There are 76  million aging yuppies -- it will take the rest of the U.S. to take care of them.  Something a lot of people don't think about is that many of the messiest problems occur when there is "just you" there -- the mess cannot wait to be cleaned up as that would be unclean and terrible to allow you and your mom and husband to "live in it" until "clean up help" arrived.  I love my mother dearly, and Thank God I am a very strong determined person-- but this is a difficult job.  I am glad my mom has been with me and not been in one of these "old age homes" as she would not have thrived there in so much community bacteria, etc..
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If your mother has too much income and/or assets to qualify for a Medicaid program, she should be using it toward her care -- for example pay for a cleaning service and/or a health aide.

If your mother does not have even that much to contribute toward her care, then she should qualify for Medicaid. I believe (not sure) that IHSS is a Medicaid program in California.

Please, for your mother's sake, use her money for her care, or apply for medical financial assistance for her. Keep growing that independent business!
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