Dad recently had to go into memory care and won't talk about anything else but leaving. My father was diagnosed with early onset alzheimers and was living at home until recently. My mother (primary caregiver) would not retire early and is still working full time. Being left alone all day was becoming too much for him, he was getting very angry with her being gone and asked to go into assisted living. We moved him in at the beginning of June. He left one day and got lost, my mom picked him up and brought him back. Last week he did it again, but this time he was brought back to the center by the police and we've put him into memory care for his safe being. I know he will continue to wonder despite his pleas that he won't and it is for the best to have him in there. However, he is still physically fit and the only thing he likes to do it walk - he wants to be outside. The staff go outside and walk with him during the day, but obviously he isnt' free to come and go as he pleases anymore due to the incident. We don't have even a minute free during out visits with him since that he isn't begging, pleading or yelling to get out and 'be free.' Most of the residents in memory care are for more advanced then him and sleep most of the day or are not mobile so he is lonely with no one to talk to and no ability to go out and walk as he pleases. I understand his pleas, but know he has to stay. However, this is so hard on my mother and myself when we visit since the whole time it's asking to come home or get out. My mother can't cope and doesn't even want to go see him anymore. Redirecting his attention doesn't work for more than a couple seconds/minutes at best. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice on how to react/respond to his pleas or how to better redirect his attention? His tears are unbearable. Please and thank you.
This is just one of the many phases of Alzheimers. When I lived very near my grandparents I would take Grandpa on wandering walks with my baby in the stroller. He had no idea who I was, but he could walk for hours, sweet man. And it gave Grandma a break. You could try that, getting family members to take turns just walking with him. That might take an edge off the crave to wander.
Angel
Pamstegma & Hugemom - we walked away Sunday. I felt horrible doing it, but I could see the physical toll his words were beginning to have and I wanted my mom to know it was ok. When she visited him again on Monday, she said he apologized for his behavior and it was a much better visit. I know they won't always be, but that did seem to help.
Babalou - I'm going to look for that book :)
Churchmouse - I love the idea of the gym. I'm going to look into that, he used to go to the gym a lot the years before he was diagnosed.
Bluecube - your comment about his cat hit home. He misses his cat terribly, but we don't feel he can adequately take care of a pet to have one at the home. My father's cat is unfortunately very ill with cancer and doesn't have much time left anyway and he doesn't understand this. He wants to go 'home' to take care of her.
We tried a day program, but he refused to go :( and he hated the homes we looked at where the memory care wards had enclosed walking grounds. In retrospect, on the latter, I think my mom gave him to much say in the final decision, but I do really like the facility he is currently in.
For everyone that spoke of the concept of "home" for him - thank you. I agree. To some extent I think he would know he was "home," but unless my mother would retire to be home with his, I know he would go back to being as angry and frustrated being alone all day again. I realize he doesn't know or remember how upset he was about being alone or how agitated he got. I was starting to get worried he would become violent as I know this is not an uncommon issue with dementia patients.
I know our lives will never be the same and we face many more difficult days, visits and decisions in our future. Thank you again for letting me pour my heart out and for responding with such kindness.
Read Antul Gawande's book, On Being Mortal.
I was going to ask if there was any possibility of finding a more specialist facility, aimed at a younger age group. I was also going to ask if there was a well-equipped gym nearby that KBR could maybe take him to for a good workout.
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