My gran is never happy. I think it’s because she is aware of many things she can’t do.
If we do something nice for her she will always find a reason to get upset.
She spends most of the day staring out the window and thinking about how terrible her life is. I know dementia is hard but she has a loving family who try to do the best they can for her. She always has company and any help she needs...
In addition to helping her as needed, are there any tasks she can f2f do to feel she had a reason to "be hete?, ". Some of our posters write about having their LO fold towels or match socks. Perhaps there are some household tasks that can be modified to her abilities which would help her feel useful.
loving her. My mom was like that. We had a birthday party for her and she did not appreciate it, but then she never was a “people person”.
When it was over she said, “ I never want to do that again,” as we took her back to the nursing home.
My Mom used to do word find puzzles too. I like the suggestion of asking her to clip coupons or any household task. It's all about them reminiscing about the past and distracting them from their feelings of isolation and lack of independence. You can only do so much - but whatever distraction you can make that brings her back to herself is a win.
Ativan.
We took her out for her birthday once. Middle of dinner my mom asked her how she liked everything. She frowned and said, “I don’t care for it.” Okay then, sorry we tried to give you a good birthday.
We tried for years to get her to take a mild antidepressant or calming meds. She would never hear of it, yelling how they would make her addicted, doped up, or ‘crazy’. She was afraid of any medication and would take half the dose of anything prescribed to her (even antibiotics) because she was afraid she would overdose and die from the prescribed amount. A relative who is a nurse practitioner explained how meds work and they were safe to take. Nope, grandmother wanted to tough everything out.
It’s sad that she spent her whole life angry, afraid, and depressed, when it never had to be that way. She suffered so much, needlessly. Meds can work wonders when taken properly.
She has options other than misery but she refuses to even try.
You know what’s cruel? Letting someone suffer just so you can pride yourself on what a great person you are by refusing to even consider a med that can help them. THAT is minimizing!
It’s attitudes like yours that keep people suffering when they don’t have to. Dementia, Alzheimers, depression, anxiety are all diseases. Only a fool would refuse available treatments for them. It’s like telling a cancer patient to just suck it up and deal with it.
Why don't you ask her sometime what she is thinking about?
My own opinion based on my own experience is, by the time people reach their 60's or so, they have experienced major losses, and life is hard as we age anyway. But, after losing much of our "nuclear" family, the beloved parents and maybe sibs, and perhaps losing a spouse of 50 or more years, life is very painful, sad and lonely.
Ask her from time to time what is she thinking about? You may even get blessed by hearing stories out of the past! I love hearing about a person's history, especially from an older family member, although, in my case now, I am that older family member! 😆
But, I have older friends and I ask them to "tell me bout the 'good, 'ol days'"! I love to re-live their memories with them....I've even written down a dear friend's memory so to add it to my own writings, all to be passed down....so future family members can read and think about them.
Encourage her to share her memories....you'll be surprised and amazed at things and events others before you have experienced! Try it! I'll bet you'll like it!
Also, having faith in Jesus Christ makes a world of difference....because learning about God via the Bible, and trusting one's soul to Him removes all doubts and fears about dying, death, and where we'll spend eternity. "We don't trust in Christ for the smooth flight. We trust in Christ for the Safe Landing!" ---Ray Comfort---
May all of you be blessed by our Lord, and to all here, Shalom! 💜🕊💜
I am glad your gran has a loving family. She might be depressed and should see her doctor, perhaps a little medication might help.
1. Women live longer than men
2. Very old women gave up their lives to be housewives. Staying home insulated them from the cares and stresses of daily life so they live longer.
3. Women with no skills other than home care and who become long-lived filled their psyches with their own importance, narcissism.
3a. Women from this age group never questioned that their daughters would take them in. They never realized their daughters would become professionals.
4. We are at the tail end of those aged, dependent, narcissistic women.
5. We shall have to see if old professional women face waning years with better attitudes.
My mom died at 95. She never drove, worked, banked, or paid bills. Think about it —she never left the house alone, all of her life. NEVER. The last years of her life were brutal. All of her life she had consoled herself with how special she was. When I placed her in a lovely memory care facility, every visit was about how much better (or smarter or prettier or richer) she was compared to everybody else there. Visiting her was agony, not because she was ill or in pain, but because she was bitter and mean.