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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My mom has recently qualified for hospice. She has vascular dementia and COPD. I notice often she seems to be staring up--when nothing is there. Is this a sign of end of life symptoms?
Katie -- Since I wasn't with my husband when he died in the nursing home, I would like to believe he experienced the same transformation your Dad did. My Bob was a man of great faith.
Hope, I have seen this type of transformation when my Dad passed. He had the most happy yet amazed and relaxed look on his face like he now knew the answer to everything than man does not understand. He also looked amazingly young...all those cares of years of living had disappeared from his face.
My Mama stared a lot soon before she passed. she also spoke about a party, and said there was the prettiest baby she'd ever seen (her baby brother was stillborn and I always remember her talking about how pretty he was and how it almost killed her as a young teenager....) She also saw her cat , one of her most beloved ones, and said he was sleeping right beside her....
I definitely believe she was seeing the other side then...Mama was 91....and passed one week before this Christmas....I was holding her hand when she just drifted away...I like to believe she was immediately transformed into perfection and well being at that point..and she appeared to be so....it was like all the years of being totally bedfast just disappeared and she literally looked like a young woman again...it was amazing....and very comforting....
lindabf, My Mom has also been going throught the same thing for 19 months now, on and off. Many times we have thought the end of life was coming but it has not, so I am not sure of what to make of these visions. She is bedridden and has been sleeping more and more.
Yesterday I looked in the room and she was talking to the pictures of my Dad, her brother, and my Grandmother, which are on her dresser. I heard her tell them that there is a terrible flood....this is strange because she has not had the news on TV for months now or looked at a newspaper and there is massive flooding in some states currently. I have kept her TV shows on Retro TV and her reading material to catalogs and gardening magazines so she does not have anxiety and she cannot hear our TVs from her room at all. I find this interesting and am really paying attention to what she is saying.
This may not be reserved for the very end. My Mom with dementia has had visits from her long-deceased brother and other family members for more than 2 years now and I will sometimes hear her at night, just chatting away in her room, alone as far as MY perception goes. She has also lost interest in most things, although she will sit in her recliner for hours, alternately watching Merv Griffin's Crosswords and doing some serious napping, with occasional gusts of solitaire or crosswords or word search or looking through magazines. In terms of what's next, we have talked about how many people will be welcoming her when it's time for her to move on, and how we will miss her, but know we will see her again in Heaven someday. I trust and respect her reality and hope for the evidence of peace you all describe as she makes the transition.
Some of these answers brought back memories of Bob. Toward the end of his life, he was obsessed with his car keys. Then he wanted to know why the train on which he was riding was so rough...and also why he was lying down. I told him that our son-in-law had gotten him an upgrade to a sleeper. He wanted to know if I had one also. I said yes. He asked how he would know when to get off. I said...when I saw my aunt and uncle...I got off. When you see your Mom and Dad and Gramma, it is time to get off. He asked if I was getting off with him. I said, no, I am going on, but I will catch up with you. Then he asked if he would walk off the train. This was hard for me since he had been paralyzed for nine months. I said, Yes...you will walk off the train. Then I went in the bedroom and cried. These are moments that you cherish, especially if you remember that you have them with you in your home to see and hear them. God bless you and give you an extra measure of strength. Nancy
The hospice nurses told us (her daughters) that she was talking to someone every morning...when nobody else was in the room. Eventually they heard the name of the person. "Bill". That was my dad! He passed away 20 years before my mom. Read "Forever Ours" by Janis Amatuzio. Janis is the county coroner of Anoka Co in MN and has many comforting stories about dying.
Comforting stories about a beautiful experience. Thank you all for sharing. It gives me great comfort to read these. They give proof that death isn't an ending but a beginning.
After experiencing family members and others dying, and being a hospice in-patient nurse, I can attest that this is common. I don't care what science claims about it being due to oxygen-starvation in the brain. IMHO, with firm belief in after-life, people DO hear, feel, see what healthier people usually cannot, especially when they get to that point, approaching death of the physical body. Kinda just like a veil between this world and the next, thins out or gets removed. It can be a _beautiful_ event, complete with the person almost radiating light, love and peace, or it can simply be a quick change-over. Some going through the dying process need someone or a few people, to give them permission to let-go of their sick body and go towards the Light. Some might suddenly become fearful that their lifelong-held spiritual beliefs might have been wrong--these need reassured, that those beliefs helped them get through life, and can still help them now. Tell them, "God don't make no junk; therefore, even if the person wanders far, God will bring them where the blessed are." It is entirely different for each person. It can feel very humbling; it is an honor to be with someone birthing into the next life.
My brother Rick had appendix cancer and my husband Bill had bladder cancer. Rick died first - 12 weeks before Bill. The day before my husband died......................he opened his eyes........looked toward the window and said "Look at all those people." He appeared relaxed and in awe. He leaned forward lifted his arm, pointed toward the window and said "There's your brother!" Then Bill turned toward the door said "See them over there? They're angels. They're here for me. Just remember, I will see you again." He became unresponsive and died 20 hours later.
My husband had been unable to speak or move for 5 days before this happened. These days I pray to Jesus that when it's my time.....He will send Bill to walk me home.
Having worked in the medical field for 30 plus years..I have had patients reaching and trying to grab at what I think is air.I also had a lady ask me why her mother was above my head...over the years I have learned the dying are reaching for their loved ones,staring at their loved ones..I had one guy tell me he saw angels over by his closet...I* have had the meanest nastiest people die with the strangest facial expressions..one lady looked angry and scared,another on his knees with the scariest expression,grasping a rosary (no one knew where he got it and he never had one in his possession that we were aware of) ..I could go on and on with my experiences..draw your own conclusions..don't let it bother you ,I got to the point of acceptance..
I was with my blind Grandmother when she died. She sat up in bed with outstretched arms, smiled and said "Jesus!", then fell back down on the bed. I believe it was the first time she could see.
If she believes in God, she may be looking for Jesus. I know of 3 men who I know were Christians who in the last day or 2 would reach out their arms like they were reaching for something no one else could see. My dad did it two days. The first day, he coded and they resuscitated him. Two days later he told me he thought he went home. When I asked home to our house or home to see Jeaus. He said Jesus. A few days later, the therapist came in and teied to get him to take his hand or move his arms and he couldn't. Soon as the therapist left, he started reaching again. That night he passed away. I don't recall him staring but even if I did, he had been seeing mice and spiders (especially spiders) everywhere we went. Thought the floor was black with spiders. I would have written it off as that.
After a car crash that left me with my jaw wired shut, broken left arm and right ankle, and a kidney short I stared at the ceiling as if in a trance. Sometimes I reached up and smiled. Then everything went black. According to the doctors I "flatlined" but bounced back and slipped into a coma. When I regained consciousness about a month later, I felt disappointed. One moment I felt as if in a blissful voyage; then woke up to realize I was still in a hospital being probed, pinched, and poked over and over.
I actually wrote & published a little poem titled "Twice" on my near-death experience:
"No floor; no walls ... I seemed to walk on air
Like a mountain in a sea of sand that hypnotic while light seemed so close; yet so far
Several years ago I had a dear elderly friend who was towards the end of her life. I would pick up her mail at the gang mailbox and then we would watch Oprah. One afternoon she became very still and looked towards the ceiling. Then she lifted her arms up as if she were reaching out to someone I couldn't see. It was one of the weirdest things I have ever experienced. I am convinced she saw someone very important to her. We never talked about it.
Those of you whose loved ones have passed and were able to tell you what they saw are truly blessed! My mom was not verbal at all so I had no idea. I would lay beside my mom and say I wish I knew what you were looking at. I got my answer at my visit with a medium. I too firmly believe that we do not pass alone and that someone we love is there to guide us to Jesus (or whoever you believe). What a beautiful conversation this is. Happy new year to all 😇
My mom spoke to family members who had passed on in her final days before slipping into a coma four days before going on to her glory. She had told me and my sister she would be leaving on Thursday.....starting at midnight on Wednesday a took a chair and sat next to her. At 5:20 Thursday morning she slowly lifted her hand up and then closed it as if taking someone's hand. She ever so gently brought it back down to her chest and breathed one last time. I believe my dad or someone she loved just as much, perhaps even Jesus, took her by the hand and helped her into heaven. It was very peaceful and I feel honored to have been with her at her passing.
My grandmother saw my dad and aunt about two weeks before she died. My dad died ten years before she did and my aunt nineteen years before. She had a conversation with my dad and it was comforting to her. She did not have dementia. From what I've been reading on here, it's quite common for dying people to see deceased loved ones.
My husband does this so I would not assume she is doing it as an "end of life" activity. In their own mind perhaps they are thinking of something long past and remembering it by looking into the distance. It is healthy, so let her do what she wants to do. Happy New Year!
My mom passed in 2013. She had dementia and could not verbalize. She had wanted to see her brother and sister while she was in the nursing home but we didn't want to upset them seeing mom the way she was so we never let them go. When mom was moved to hospice we asked my aunt and uncle to come because we knew mom would be passing anytime. Mom was placed in hospice Thursday and was not awake at all. On Saturday my aunt and uncle arrived and my mom's eyes opened full and she started to cry. They sat with her and held her hand and mom was happy. Mom kept staring into the corner of the room as we all were chatting around her. My neice and I noticed that several times during that visit mom keep nodding her head yes. She passed two days later and I know that my dad or someone came to get her and asked if she was ready and she said "yes". So staring into a corner means different things I guess to all but to me, it was my mom going home with whomever came to guide her. I cried very little when she passed because I was so happy to know that there is another life after this and mom definitely showed me it really does exist. She is at peace and rest and I am eternally grateful that I witnessed this wonderful experience.
An aunt who was at my grandmother's bedside when she passed told me that her mother saw her long deceased husband standing before her and that he was telling her that it was time for her to come home. My grandmother did not have dementia. I believe these end of life spiritual experiences are common no matter what the state of mind. Truly a gift.
I believe they are looking for someone to take their hand and lead them on the other side. My father had past away 10 yrs. before my mother. She missed him so much and kept saying she wanted to be with him. My mom had dementia and a few days before she past she kept her eyes close but would often open them and just stare ahead for several minutes. The last time she open them she looked at us and said " love yall" smile and within hours she was gone. My dad had taken her home.
I don't believe they are staring at "nothing". Nothing WE can see, I imagine, but moving slowly from this world to the next. My grandmother would "come back" and tell us about Granddad, who'd passed 40 years prior. I asked her how he looked and she said "He looks wonderful!!" So I said, "Grandma, next time he comes and wants you to go with him, just take his hand". She did. I believe. She died 2 days later. Very peaceful, very private.
My sister Passed in March 9th of 2015 after losing the longest battle to MS. Just before she passed she coded and ended up in a coma. Slowly but surely she came out of her coma was awake, yet unable to communicate and all she did was stare up at a certain corner of her hospital room. Every once in a while I was able to get her eyes to meet mine, but it would only last seconds. I called it transitioning from one world to another. I felt that my sister was in between 2 worlds and she was transitioning to go from this life here then to another life beyond. I noticed how every time her eyes would take her back to that certain corner in her hospital room, that certain corner that she was making contact with my two brothers who passed back in the 1980"s and her dad who passed back in 1991 along with all of the rest of our beloved loved ones whom we've lost throughout this life time. So Yes, I do believe that before we depart from this world, we do communicate with our loved ones and they are the ones who help us to cross over. My mother is in her last stages of dementia and I truly believe that she sees her 3 children and talks to them. I have noticed a lot of changes in her behavior as well especially her stares. She has a fixed gaze.May God grant everyone peace and comfort your soul.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Since I wasn't with my husband when he died in the nursing home, I would like to believe he experienced the same transformation your Dad did. My Bob was a man of great faith.
I definitely believe she was seeing the other side then...Mama was 91....and passed one week before this Christmas....I was holding her hand when she just drifted away...I like to believe she was immediately transformed into perfection and well being at that point..and she appeared to be so....it was like all the years of being totally bedfast just disappeared and she literally looked like a young woman again...it was amazing....and very comforting....
It's beautiful how you and Bob together created the metaphor of his train ride and its destination.
Yesterday I looked in the room and she was talking to the pictures of my Dad, her brother, and my Grandmother, which are on her dresser. I heard her tell them that there is a terrible flood....this is strange because she has not had the news on TV for months now or looked at a newspaper and there is massive flooding in some states currently. I have kept her TV shows on Retro TV and her reading material to catalogs and gardening magazines so she does not have anxiety and she cannot hear our TVs from her room at all. I find this interesting and am really paying attention to what she is saying.
IMHO, with firm belief in after-life, people DO hear, feel, see what healthier people usually cannot, especially when they get to that point, approaching death of the physical body. Kinda just like a veil between this world and the next, thins out or gets removed.
It can be a _beautiful_ event, complete with the person almost radiating light, love and peace, or it can simply be a quick change-over.
Some going through the dying process need someone or a few people, to give them permission to let-go of their sick body and go towards the Light.
Some might suddenly become fearful that their lifelong-held spiritual beliefs might have been wrong--these need reassured, that those beliefs helped them get through life, and can still help them now. Tell them, "God don't make no junk; therefore, even if the person wanders far, God will bring them where the blessed are."
It is entirely different for each person.
It can feel very humbling; it is an honor to be with someone birthing into the next life.
The day before my husband died......................he opened his eyes........looked toward the window and said "Look at all those people." He appeared relaxed and in awe. He leaned forward lifted his arm, pointed toward the window and said "There's your brother!" Then Bill turned toward the door said "See them over there? They're angels. They're here for me. Just remember, I will see you again." He became unresponsive and died 20 hours later.
My husband had been unable to speak or move for 5 days before this happened.
These days I pray to Jesus that when it's my time.....He will send Bill to walk me home.
I believe it was the first time she could see.
I actually wrote & published a little poem titled "Twice" on my near-death experience:
"No floor; no walls ...
I seemed to walk on air
Like a mountain in a sea of sand
that hypnotic while light
seemed so close; yet so far
I guess it wasn't time."