My mom is 82 COPD, declining sharpness, She has always been a bit of a drinker, but now it just dangerous and sad. She will not admit she's drunk but yet can not even hold her head up. A couple of weeks ago she fell out of bed or almost out of bed with her leg against dresser holding her in.. I have talked to her friends and family, that come over and drink with her, told them it is not safe and can not continue. This has not stopped her, she tells me I can't tell her what to do. This happened tonight She was just pissed can barely keep her head up, I told her that its not fair as I am the one who as to take care of her. she proceeded to tell tough and that she was hungry, SHe was unable to fix herself another one and I told her though I'm not getting you one. I will be sleeping in travel trailer tonight, I can't keep enabling her. I'm at my wits end.
Hope the person who started post keeps us updated.
I Almost got Mom off it, by instead getting her a Doc's recommendation for medical marijuana, used as a tincture or a concentrated "oil" dosed from a squirt-syringe.
She could easily dose herself using either of those, so she retained some autonomy.
And, there was NO way for her to OD on that.
1. It worked to control her glaucoma, when she was not able to tolerate eye drops.
2. It works to control pain.
3. It works to lift mood or otherwise mellow her moods.
ALL of those things, were badly needed for Mom, but, other siblings refused to allow it--the States they live in, don't allow it...yet.
Waiting will be too late for Mom.
While she was using Med. MJ, she was not using alcohol nearly as much.
Her moods were nicer. And, her glaucoma was nicely controlled or improving.
Unfortunately, there really isn't a whole lot anybody outside can do. Al-Anon is probably the best source for advice; try to keep them off the road and damaging anyone else.
Loreal & SWOMBO- no judgments from this side. There may be a common thread to a situation, but all are different. Your honesty is appreciated. Do what ya gotta do.
A lot of this advice is "tough love".
My mom has "wet brain" (can't recall the technical term) from years of drinking. My mom was a functioning alcoholic. My mom is now a 74 year old, dementia, alcoholic. I don't try to stop her. That would/could kill her (literally). She doesn't remember what she had for lunch today, how is she going to remember what rehab or AA taught her? The Dr. gave me Valium and told ME to detox her. No. Not going to do it. I do water her bottle down half/half. I'm going to let her enjoy what she has left in life, but not to the point of endangering herself. (no lectures on how I am endangering her by allowing any alcohol). Each case is different. The struggle is real.
He is a HARD worker, but the other day when I drove him home, I had to stop at the liquor store for him to buy a bottle. So I am enabling him in his disease. He is a prisoner in his home without a driving license. AS much as I love his hard work, I have to let him go. I don't know what he is going to do. Now that he has that bottle, I probably will get excuses for a few days as to why he cannot work. He will be getting over a huge hangover.
What is it about alcohol that people are willing to ruin their life to have it.
Making time to be methodical and also to rest more, around people who drink in ways that put themselves or others into danger, is not easy but actually ends up helping the situation some, for some of the drinking occurs because the parent or relative feels protected - no matter how much yelling occurs.
I have a callous attitude sometimes - Let Go and Let God, pause a few days before being so quick to volunteer to step in as middle man, when the person you are helping is ignoring your efforts and making things worse. I like some of the responses here, it does matter to stay involved and look for other physical issues - and talk to the home about the friends who come with the alcohol. But if that continues, you can say to your mother, you choose them and their company over mine, so I love you and will keep stopping by, but I have to leave you to your own devices, I can't rescue you this way.
Visit - and chat. Show that you care, on a regular basis. And then leave. Soon she will complain and you can say, I can't try to help with that, you need to stop drinking, so you can think better. I worry about you. And leave it at that. Or ask why she listens to her "friends", for drinking buddies are not really friends who go to bat for you.
I'm simplifying, and I don't mean to make suggestions, only to say it can be very helpful to realize that we cannot drive ourselves to impatience and stress and worry. The person may die from their actions, we need to allow them to see that we do not want this to happen, and worry, but we can't promise to even try to find solutions, when they are showing they don't really want them.
I'm not saying to abandon them, but come and go, and pick times to help positively so you can feel some good cheer, and pray over the rough spots and say, I have to go now.
Our meetings are filled with children, spouses or mothers, all worried at the edge, living with broken promises and crazy-making stuff - and we find we are more patient and able to struggle when we meet others in similar settings, allow ourselves many breaks from worry, and self forgiveness. We work to give ourselves deliberate schedule that includes rest and small steps to keep up with our own goals. I've joined an anonymous group to help with my under-earning too - I wish I had found that one earlier, for my upbringing taught me few experiences of a methodical life, it was filled with battles and competition among the children, who were so rarely the focus of any sustained adult attention, since both parents were drinkers and more focused on maintaining a social image, than on learning to work together with all the people in the home to address home care and family tasks
My mom was apparently living in her own home like that FOR YEARS! I was married with 3 kids living FOUR HOURS away and had no idea. One Christmas, I went to get her and bring her to my house....she was SO DRUNK and scared she swung a BIG PIPE WRENCH at me. She eventually ended up in ICU and a nursing home. While she was there, they dried her out and she quit smoking. She lives near me in an assisted living facility and honestly, she's almost cured. Every now and then she gets her "panties in a wad" because she sees someone drinking and she says, "Oh those poor people!" But she admits that her only regret is she can't drink b/c it makes her want to smoke and she doesn't want to go through the radiation for lung cancer again........
Your loved one's situation is fixable but call the Adult Protective Services folks......the Council on Aging ......anyone in your area that advocates for Seniors and maybe you can get her out of that mess. Go find a Al-anon sponsor.....someone to tell stories to until they make you realize.....worse things can happen and still may happen to you! But then again, things CAN get better! Pray if you find that helpful. I will pray for you.