Not sure if I posed this question correctly but:
I was just given a book to read about dying and the work that hospice does in support of that. The first case I read about had to do with an 83 year old woman dying of cancer and her attempts at saying good bye to her husband. It appears that because she had all of her faculties, she was able to do this. It also described the reaction of her husband to this.
In the case of a person who has dementia, what kind of “closure” is there during the process of dying? What is their process for saying goodbye and what reaction will their caregiver have as they are actively dying? It seems that the cruel disease of dementia also robs them of their dignity even in death. Do any of you have any thoughts you can share in terms of your experience with a dying loved one with dementia?
My husband on the other hand is barely aware of where he is, time of day and who is in the room, and has difficulty swallowing. He is totally incapacitated mentally and physically, can't walk, talk or write any kind of instructions. He had this talk with me a couple of years into his dementia when he still could make lucid decisions. As his POA and now guardian, I know what his wishes are. He took each of our grown children aside and talked to them, expressing love and apologizing for anything he may have done or omitted. That was about seven years ago. He is in the final stages of FTD. If he stops breathing or his heart stops I know that DNR is the way to go, if he gets pneumonia to not give antibiotics, if he gets another life-threatening disease to just keep him comfortable.
As his wife and primary caregiver, I am keeping his dignity intact by following his wishes as he slowly slips farther and farther away. I am saddened to watch his dementia take him away, but he is in a place now that he doesn't realize what he used to be and he no longer mourns his former life like he once did. This life is the only life he remembers clearly.