My father had a massive stroke 4 1/2 years ago and I’ve recently found out that he is giving a lot of money to people who aren’t involved in his health care and I didn’t know until he had his stroke. One is a women who is almost 30 years younger than him and the lawyer that she works for (he’s not my dad’s lawyer FYI). I believe he has probably given this women around $100k (he also had a credit card issued in her name from one of his accounts) and the from what I have been able to see he has probably given this “lawyer” $50k or more. My father has vascular dementia stage 2 and I think it’s probably worse from that last diagnosis.
I don’t know what to do. I really don’t want to take him to court and see if he can be deemed mentally incompetent. I truly am not sure what our options are and I’m getting extremely concerned and I have been for the last 3 years. It’s a difficult situation to navigate as I am his daughter and I love him so much. I would appreciate any advice that people can offer!!! This is a mess!! Thank you all!
This can be time consuming and expensive (although expenses should be borne by the Ward not the Guardian)
If you are not POA you can make a call to your State's Elder Abuse Hotline number and report the abuse. They will investigate.
I suggest that you talk to an Elder Care Attorney. NOT the one that he has been dealing with by the way.
You can also call your local Senior Service Center. Most will have Social Workers that may be able to begin the reporting process for the Elder Abuse. Most of the Senior Service Centers will be the place that the State Hotline number will route the report to.
If your dad is a Veteran you may also get some help through the VA. For that contact your local Veterans Assistance Commission.
What is his relationship with the woman and the lawyer? How does he give the money to each of them? Cash, checks, electronic transfers, paying fraudulent bills? Try to figure out what kind of paper trail/electronic records there would be. Do you have access to be able to see the credit card charges the woman has made, and all these other records? Like, does your dad have paper files or computer files that you might be able to see?
Does your dad have a regular bank where some of the staff knows him? The bank manager might be able to help, especially if someone has the POA.
Does he have a financial advisor, either at the bank or at an investment brokerage, someone like that who knows him and would share your concern if you alerted them?
Do you, or does anyone, have signed Power of Attorney documents from dad? If your dad wants and appreciates your help he should sign these for you. Since you're considering guardianship it sounds like he hasn't and will not designate POA.
How is your dad managing at home right now? A massive stroke can mean physical disability as well as the vascular dementia you mentioned. Are you providing physical support such as driving to appointments, cleaning the house, running errands? Does he have any in-home help? If you are providing support to him and he doesn't have POA documents you can refuse to continue unless he grants them to you. It's completely reasonable to say "I cannot continue to do XYZ unless you give me the legal right to help you properly". The same way you can refuse to dig a hole if the person won't give you a shovel.