On the 30th of June, my disabled daughter had to put her cat down due to him having a chronic health condition that was getting worse and she was heartbroken over it.
However my elderly mother who is in her mid 80’s keeps bringing it up and upsetting my daughter. It’s the things she’s saying I find disturbing. She was in the car with us and knowing full well my daughter was in the car, kept going “well he was suffering wasn’t he?” “His bladder would have ruptured and he would have died in agony if you didn’t take him”
Yes he would have, that’s why we took him. But she’s keeps repeating the same things to my daughter which results in my daughter crying.
She brought it up on them phone again and to myself this time and I told her to stop it and said my daughter to remember her cat when he was well, not being reminded of him being unwell. She didn’t like it and got defensive and said she was showing she “cared” not sure how bringing the same thing up and upsetting another person caring.
She’s also the type to go running to my brother saying I had a go at her, but not tell him the whole story and my brother believes her all the time.
How do I handle this? As it’s not fair on my daughter.
Just hang up the phone or leave the room when she starts. And who cares if she complains to your brother.
Sorry about your daughter’s cat.
I'm not trying to excuse behavior of someone who has a personality disorder, but if she is behaving differently, then please consider she is having cognitive decline and cannot control what comes out of her mouth anymore. Understanding this will help you figure out how to best respond to it. Even if it is dementia-driven, I would ignore inappropriate talk from her. Change the subject, distract her, or walk away without explanation. That's what I do with my 97-yr old Mom.
My father died 3 years ago and treated him horribly when he was alive, he didn’t have his own mind when she was around.
My daughter did mention dementia a few times to me, issue is, I know for a fact she won’t go to the dr’s about it.
And who cares what she tells your brother, he has no power over you and yours.