She never used to do this but has always been very vain. As she has gotten older and losing her looks she focuses more on herself and her beauty, and insisting she is still the most beautiful woman she knows. She talks about herself in superlatives and how great her desirability to men is. She always did this but now more than ever.
And she is also talking more about sex in more detail than she ever used to, and it is really bothersome to me. I have asked her to stop but she still does. She went so far as to describe a sex act that her sister performed on her husband and that's when I said "Enough! Stop!"
Not sure how to deal with this now. She is estranged from my brother and the rest of her family and I'm all she has. But if this keeps up, not for long.......
I can't deal with it much longer.
I'm wondering if there is some kind of pathology going on or is it just that she is so insecure about her looks that she is trying to make herself young by this sex talk???
Is she still living on her own?
I think there are two issues here.
1) Does Mom need more or different kinds of help than she is getting now? I don't know how much responsibility you feel for her care, but if she is having delusions that are more than just disgusting to you, you might want to look at her living situation a little harder.
2) Her talk makes you uncomfortable. As your contact is over the phone, that is easily controlled. "Sorry, Mom, someone is at the door ... it sounds like my washing machine is unbalanced ... the oven timer is going off." Or "I know you are a beautiful and sexy person, Mom, but I think this talk is getting too personal. I'm kind of old-fashioned about what should be private. Can we talk about something else?"
Protect yourself. Honor your own sensibilities. If you feel it is appropriate, look into whether your mother may need more care than she is getting.
A few months ago she had a fall at her apartment and lay there for three days til the police busted open the door and called an ambulance. Evidently she had fallen and couldn't get up but the weird part is that she had no injuries that would justify being unconscious for that long (she did have some brusing on her face). Did not have a stroke or a heart attack, or anything at all according to the tests.
But she is, since then, stranger than she has ever been, and she has always been strange. She's 81 years old and feels she can compete with a 25 year old in the looks department!! Unbelievable. Her only topic of conversation is how beautiful and smart she is, what a great mother she was (trust me, she wasn't) and just about herself in general. How all the men, even way younger ones, have a crush on her, etc! Whew! The whole family is sick of her selfishness and even abusiveness and no one even talks to her anymore.
Thanks for your replies. It's good to know I'm not the only one who has experienced this narcisistic behavior from others (not that I wish it on anyone)!
As the rape tale was repeated over and over to the various hospital personnel, but with slight changes or enhancement with each telling, I realized she was having delusions, or perhaps fantasies of single encounters that may or may not have occurred during her younger life. l.
I suspect that at one time she was attractive and there was some convoluted perception causing the fantasies.
That might be happening with your mother. As she ages and loses mental acuity, she resorts back to the values that she may have felt were the most important/desirable, etc. when she was younger. This can happen to stars as well, from what I've read.
This is just a supposition, but I do think she's taking mental refuge in days when she was actually more attractive than older women can be as we lose muscle and skin tone, develop sun spots and our hair turns white. She may be seeking comfort for the actual loss of what she still believes she has.
I do think there's a pathology involved but don't know what it is or how to deal with it.
There was a woman I once worked with who was truly beautiful, and she flaunted it with tales of her conquests. After a while it became not only boring but unsettling because she was so obsessed with it. I got the impression she felt it such a strong asset that it literally was "who she was."
She tried to manipulate other co-workers as well; I think she got used to manipulating men, being a center of attention, and this became a modus operandi, but it didn't work with everyone.
Guess I'm glad I've never been beautiful!
What does your Mom do all days? Is she around people of her own age group? Or are you her only *ear*?