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Tell her this is her vacation while you are on vacation. By telling her this is only temporary she may be more understanding of going. Do they have activities? Is there a Assisted Living that may be more active that you could see about a respite? Most AL have respite pricing and will have a private apartment for her? Check out Assisted Livings in your area too
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The respite is at a local rehab/nursing home facility. They "said" they would try and get her a private room but could not guarantee it. That would be the best part of our vacation if Mother decided to stay. She now spends 20-21 hours in her room with the blinds down and door shut. Comes out to eat and might say a few words then back to her room. Biggest problem is she is yankee born and bred and nothing in Texas is right and I am sure, no positive, she will let everyone in the nursing home know that. Just hope they haven't kicked her to the curb before we get home. On a serious note, being with folks her own age with similar problems, likes and dislikes might make her feel better and open up more. Time will tell. Thanks for the input
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Respite is a wonderful alternative and you may find that she truly enjoys the social interaction that she will have . good food and friends. Assisted Living is no where near a nursing home and it is truly a joyful experience for them. she may decide to stay when you get back home from your vacation! I have seen it happen and it is always a surprise to the familly. I deal with this daily and the families.
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Thanks for the input. Gives me some more ammunition to use.
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Hi to all,
I have been in contact with an ElderCare attorney about my mother and he says that unless a person has been declared incompetent they have a right to refuse anything. Get your doctor to evaluate her mental abilities and then contact an attorney to help you with this. It is so important to get all your i's dotted and t's crossed.
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I am in Texas also and am the caregiver for my 88 yr old Mother. I can see a nursing home in her near future but was unaware of the "refuse to go" law. We are going on vacation and plan to put Mother in a nursing home for what is called "Respite Care", which is defined as a break for the caregiver. They receive the same services as full time residence in the home but she is charged a by the day fee, where I live in Cent. Texas it is approx. $80 day. We were thinking when we come back off our 3 week vacation just leaving her there. Sounds awful but it is the only way we can see to get her there. I have not bounced this off her doctor but plan to prior to leaving on vacation. Anyone have input on my plan - good or bad?
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And, of course, that would be 'Hi, Rosie;' not "ho, Rosie!" Forgive my typo!
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Ho, Rosie03. Maybe a good first step would be to have a private consult with your Mom's doctor to clearly state that you are unable to provide at-home-care for your Mom and your personal observation is that your Mom poses a direct threat to herself. Then, ask the doctor to intervene in a follow-up visit where you and your Mom's doctor spell it out for her. I am sure it is hard for your Mom to hear her daughter convey the long-term care message to her, but hearing from her doctor at the same time may be the reality jolt she needs to know that there is no more running away from the message. I never knew about that nursing home admission law. On the one hand, I am glad it exists, but I can see where it would be extremely difficult for someone in your situation. If your Mom's doctor doesn't help, get another party to help you with the reality intervention with your Mom-- preferably someone who is not in the family and will help to get the message across. It just seems like there is a special intervention needed, much like when someone is not facing an addiction problem and needs to be confronted with love.
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Lindam
You are a joy to this site-I always enjoy your postings.
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I have no info on the nursing home issue for either of you, but is it feasible to have home health care for either situation? There are many good agencies and individuals who do this work. It can be paid for out of pocket or medicare helps sometimes. I wish the best for all concerned. And don't worry Rosie, no one is thinking you don't care about your mom. These choices have to be made and this is a good sight for info and support. So keep posting or go to another comment and post again , someone with answers will get back to you. Same for you eaton. Ya'll just hang in there and you will get some info. Thanks for joining us, we look forward to hearing from you again. God Bless
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My mother is having the same issue with my grandmother here in Ohio. Somehow after a mild stroke and a stay in the hospital with all the medical team observing her frailties and cognitive issues she managed to convince them to send her home. My mother is physically unable to care for her the way she needs. Grandma has fallen more than 13 times in the past year. Any help regarding this issue is greatly needed and appreciated.
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