Howdy all, i am new here and 33 years old with a 10 month old baby.
My husband has a very small family and sadly lost his mother in 2016 and uncle in 2021 leaving his 87 year old Grandmother Dotty.. She is naturally very depressed and suffers anxiety since losing her husband and children. She only has my husband and I (and now great grand daughter)
My husband and I do everything we can for her, since covid she has become very lonely and isolated since i did all her shopping through the pandemic, she has wanted me to carry on with it. She has had a very exciting life and travelled alot but this has resulted in her not having many friends or "roots" or sense of community. This last year she has declined dramatically and will not leave the house, she stopped taking her pills and has stopped cooking /using oven/microwave. We have arranged for carers to go in regularly to ensure she takes medication and eats. She has given up with life and often says she just wants to end it all and jump out the window (i dont like to remind her she lives in a bungalow lol) but I don't think she would do anything to hurt herself. The more we do for her, the more help she needs as she is very reluctant to help herself.
She had a fall 2 weeks ago and ended up in hospital, luckily she had no breaks or fractures but we live in the UK and with ambulance strikes, we had to wait over 3 hours for an ambulance and they told us not to move her or give her anything to eat or drink.. By the time we got to the hospital, she was very confused and delirious - thinking it was 1986 and she was back in italy where she lived for some time. She didn't know who i was. The delirium came on very rapidly and lasted 3 days whilst she was in hospital. I think due to dehydration as she had no infections or uti that the hospital tests found.
She is back home now and has been getting worse by the day.. Today i had to help her use the bathroom and she seemed to be hallucinating
Im not sure if dementia is close by or what is the cause of the delirium. For an 87 year old she has always been in great physical health but her mental decline is now causing physical issues.
I've been looking at care homes, which average at £90k a year and will bankrupt her in 4 years. Dottys mother lived to 102 years old - they have those resilient north welsh genes so my husband says we need at least a 10 year plan.
I don't know how much longer i can go on, im feeling resentful that I'm not focusing on my baby as much as i should be, constantly worrying/caring and managing Dottys life
Sorry for long post, i guess i needed to vent
Your mother in law raised her son and now it is time for you and your husband to raise your child.
I am so sorry that your mother in law is struggling. I’m sure that is difficult for you to see.
You can help your mother in law and yourselves by finding a care home that she can receive the care that she needs.
You can visit her as often as you like as her son and daughter in law.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Do not for a second consider taking her into your home with your new baby. Your obligation is to your child; period and end of sentence. Do NOT consider that.
My opinion only and I wish you the very very best. You understand fully that it is time now for 24/7 care. And that is not on you. I wish you the best. You are fully supportive and loving. Not everything can be fixed and made the way we all want it and can be happy with. Your grandmother has had you life and now you are having yours. That she has your loving visits will HAVE to now be enough, and I say that as an 80 year old who understands some of the sadness of these facts.