Can you get sick (emotionally, physically) from years of caregiving?

(((((golf))))) - to me what you had to deal with between the death of a close friend, your mum's diarrhea etc and transporting someone to a plane is simply too much, In fact MUCH too much, and is an example of how your life has been for a while. I think your mum needs round the clock professional care, and you need to get your health, and your life back. I don't think that anyone who reads this thread can doubt for a minute that you love your mum, and your mum loves you. That does not mean you have to be the one doing all this work. You need to love yourself, too.

My mother has a mental disorder. I love her and she loves me, as much as she is able. It would be next to suicide for me to live under the same roof as her, and take care of her, She is well looked after in her ALF, I visit periodically, and am recovering the health I lost a couple of years ago doing more for her than was good for me.

I am sure you will need more than a month to get better. A month will likely see some improvement, but will not be long enough for you to get to where you can be, It has taken more than a month for you to get to where you are now. If you take respite for a month and don't get better - what then? If you take respite and do get better, are you going to go back to the same situation, and get dragged down again?

I have/have had CFS/FM - brain fog, aches etc. Since I have been looking after myself, getting the rest I need, gentle exercise, and eating carefully, it is much improved and I seldom have pain now. I don't think you can do that while looking after your mum. Surely she does not want you to sacrifice your health for her. I do think you can come out of it, but that it will take more than a month - probably some months, if not longer. I think you are playing with fire with regard to your health, and strongly urge you to do what you need to to look after yourself. Hope I am not sounding very hard nosed about this, but I really am concerned for you. Now, as well as caring for your mum, you have a major loss to deal with. That in itself is stressful and will take energy. Grief is quite physical in many ways, and can also cause aches, fog, fatigue etc. I am so sorry about the death of your friend. Please give yourself the space to do the grieving you need to do, and also recover from the years of caregiving, so you and your husband can enjoy your life together. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))) Joan

just read your last post - dear soul, you have no rational reason to feel guilty. You have done so much for your mum, and, I suspect part of what you are facing, other than having to give up what you thought you could do, is the grief of seeing your mum go down hill. It is hard, but keeping her at home, and further ruining your health is not going to stop her decline. Others have been able to make the transition to a facility, and I suspect your mum can too. She has already opened the door to that discussion by talking about being a burden. Good that you are looking at respite, and please let go of the guilt. Most caregivers have it, just recognise it as part of the job, like the diapers, and toss it away.

it is not unusual to have the sigmoid portion of colon so plugged that only liquid can pass around and the liquid is so putrid it is septic-hence the smell-like an overflowing port a potty that hasn't been pumped out smell? Once this liquid finds a path out there is no holding it back because the spinchter muscle(spelling)is paralyzed. Have you taken her to see a gastroenterologist? I think you need counseling-you asked and that is my non-professional advice for what it is worth-probably not much. I know from experience that Depression hurts everywhere. Sadness is a symptom. Fatigue, pain, out of body experiences, forgetfulness, brain fog-all are symptoms of depression. rioblu hit the nail on the head-you need a break. PTSD is not uncommon for non-or even professional caregivers who literally get the shitty end of the stick and whacked with it afterwards. You need to find a way to chill dear lady and if she is usually constipated there are natural laxitives that can take care of that easily just clear it with your doctor first- pure aloe vera, nice slimy okra-clean her out and feed her no cheese, crackers, breads unless you put in alot of flax and no gluten. She needs good nutrition but foods that are not binding. I'm not sayiing give her a glass of aloe-just a shot glass and she needs enzymes that will eat the bad bacteria and neutralize them and that sewer smell will go away and slowly you will find her stools will be soft but not runny. I avoid giving Meno prune juice because of the color, the smell and it gives him cramps-Apple juice does too-Aloe has no smell and it will lubricate and soothe just start out with small amounts and make sure you clear with the doctor. There is a healthfood product out there and I can't think of the name but it is created in a lab -it mimics a natural substance some animals secrete in their breast milk that makes their poop odorless so predator animals cant track their scent. . I bought a pint of it a couple of years ago-not for meno for my father in law who could run everyone out of the house-By the 2nd day my guest bathroom smelled like the great outdoors! It was incredible-something called nobo I think-no bowel odor or bnobo-I know it was similar to beano in name. LOL-what a topic. As for her hiding it didn't your children do something and hide it. I remember 1st grade I wet myself and we lived up north-I sat on my mittens and they sopped the urine up and I shoved them in my desk. The following monday when we went in our classroom it smelled and the teacher made us empty our desks thinking someone put an apple or something in the desk-well she found my mittens and held them up by the edge-I believe that is all I can remember of the 1st grade! So she may be childishly hiding her accidents or laziness or maybe she hurts too bad to go to bathroom and half unconsciously hid the problem hoping it would go away. We have to remember-always remember-if they didn't need help we would be doing something else with our lives. I know it is hard but God rewards us and our day may come when we will need help so laugh, cry, smile, pray or hire a professional-there is always a way. Someone the other day said caring for grown ups is not the same so I don't like to hear that they took care of us when we were infants so we should take care of them now-that hurt me as a caregiver to my dad. I was born a preemie and spent the 1st 120 days of my life in an intensive care unit. He worked two jobs to pay the bill-there wasn't medicaid in those days or much of anything. Him and my mother sat with me round the clock watching other children die and they were told that I survived only because we were there. That I survived because thru all the pain I instinctively fought because I could smell and hear and feel my mom and dads tender touch. I still have the letter the nurses gave them with a card of congratulations for being the best parents they ever had visit their unit. I lost my mom while my dad meno was undergoing chemotherapy-she was jogging and fell from a busted vessel in her brain and heart-tell me how can two things like that happen at the same time? She was in a Hospice for 1 year before she passed.
My dad lost half of his brain and I think it was because half of him is with her. Only one thing would make me put him in a Nursing home or a Hospice-that is if he turned violent and a danger to my children or I died myself. He can crap all over me, the walls and I already had the walls painted so meno can draw or color on them and I have carpet that I can take out and clean and while it is drying I put another in that stays rolled up in the closet. I child proofed his room and cabinets and have the house filled with alarms for when he goes on his night runs I call them-sleep walks or shuffles. I put him in a VA nursing facility and he came home with two dislocated shoulders and ruptured discs because he says the water hurts him and someone forced-dragged him to the shower by his arms-pulled him out of bed and cracked his back on the floor and head that he had 3 surgeries on. Because they thought he was malingering and some lazy jerk had a job hwere he thought he was Mr. Tough man. I myself witnessed an elderlady laying on the floor of her hospital room crying for help while 4 nurses were chatting at the nurses station-I ran to them and said can't you hear her? They said oh, she's just wanting her pain meds and it's too soon-I walked in front of her room and pushed open the door and this poor woman was on the floor-somehow she got our of her restraints and was on the floor! she had to have fallen out. I told the womans daughter and believe me hell was raised and I was hated by the nurses after that but a month later I got a card from the daughter and the mother and 6 months after that I was at a hearing and four nurses were fired and the hospital settled for an undisclosed amount. The elderly lady remembered and I will never forget it either And her daughter stays and helps me out for a few hours ever so often with dad. Being a caregiver is a nasty dirty heart wrenching job at best. Some people can do it some can't. I can and will not let a little or alot of crap stop me from making the person responsible for bringing me into this world as happy and as comfortable as I can. My children help out as well. My oldest son is in FFA and he cleans pigs covered in crap all the time. Thankfully because of dads diet he has few hard to manage accidents but I had to research proper diet-on the internet and at book stores-now he has a feeding tube inserted and I have to clean that wound to keep infection down-we wear gloves-we have two air sanitizers in his room-I steam clean his mattress-sheets are sent to the laundry and besides adult diapers I have a large supply of cotton diapers so he can lay on those and air out so he doesn't get bed sores. He also has sheepskins-yes, alot of expense but he would not get the care I give him in a Hospice-I know I watched my mother die in one and I made surprise night visits and more than once caught her with dried fesces on her bottom and legs. I know they called me the Bitc# woman from hell behind my back...and I was and I am. I think caring for my dad has made me grow up-all the way. I study how eastern cultures treat their aged elders with great respect and most would never consider putting their parents and grandparents away. An elder is considered the hub of a family regardless. They are washed and cleaned and fawned over like royalty-it is customary. They are manicured and pedicured and no one bats an eye to their gibberish-it to them is a mantra-the elder is speaking with the angels.
I specifically asked a specialist: Can you catch Fibromyalgia from caring for a elderly person who poops everywhere-answer-NO! You can get yeast and fungal infections, eye infections and possibly Hepatitis A&B if the patient has those conditions already but one should always use sterile technique and Hibiclens and lots of hand washing and the patient must be massaged and aired out and their sheets must be crisp and no creases if they are bedridden and clorox and Pin-Sol should not be used around them as it is toxic-lysol also is highly poisonus. Sorry for my rant-I just love my dad. I never knew how much until this happened and whats a life worth? Medicare can stick it where the sun don't shine for all I care.
I make sure every penny of his retirement is spent on his care. Folks-make sure you keep your receipts How the heck is that spelled-ha,ha-getting punchy from typing-I end up spending more on him than he gets and I will not beg for help from medicaid because then they would want to take our home. I was on the fence about this until today. Medicaid said they would pay me for his care up to 30 hours per week and his doctors said they would qualify him for 50 but it would mean they could put a lien on our ancestral home so I said NO THANK YOU-we are doing just fine. I've already been approved to be his care taker after taking a course and passed the test months ago. I've decided that when Meno passes I will volunteer at my church that knows families who need relief like golfbhard. Hon-you do need a break. Professional caregivers I think you are all terrific and you non profesionals who threw in the towel I think you did as much as you could and your circumstances were different than mine. I only witnessed short bursts of being called names early on and if he didn't stop I seriously was going to call it quits but thank The Lord I got through to him and he knew I meant business somewhere in that maze of a mind he listened. I was told today Meno is slipping away I guess thats why I wrote so much here tonight. I knew something was wrong because he has been pretty quiet the past couple of days and was having a hard time focusing
this afternoon. Most of the posts have been inspirational and revealing. The public has no idea. I just don't know what has happened in our country that is making our elderly and not so elderly have all these mental problems. Probably in our food and water-air-It is getting to be like an epidemic. Take care and God Bless.-menos daughter Ruth

(((((((Ruth)))))) what an extraordinary story of love and devotion by your parents to you, and now you to them. I am sorry that your dad is slipping away. That hurts. As you say, not everyone can be a caregiver to the extent that you can. It appears your health has not suffered from your caregiving role.
But, golf's health is suffering. Re fibromyalgia - of course you cannot catch it - it is not a contagious disease, according to current understanding of the condition, and that was not golf's question. Is stress a contributing factor in developing or triggering this condition - quite likely. Does stress exacerbate it - yes, Can the stress of years of caregiving make you physically and emotional ill? Definitely! I hear you about nursing home horror stories, yet, according to reports here, there are nursing homes which do a good job. If anyone decides to go that route, they have to screen the homes available, and visit to see how well their charge is doing. It does not mean all nursing homes abuse their patients, and I hate to think that people would be turned from considering that alternative.

((((((golf))))) thinking of you today, and all you have on your plate. I know the pain of losing dear friends. Please look after you.

Oh Golfbhard, what a nightmare for you. I get those sorts of symptoms that come and go. The pain and stress is always worse when my mom is doing something crazy. Last year this time, I was walking into her room and smelling the smells and seeing the poo on the light switches, walls, and floor, with foot prints of poo leading to her chair....and of course it was all over her legs and clothes. After a few times of this I switched her to depends and put bells on her cane so I would hear her going to the toilet and I could intercept.
As my mom has declined over the last year, she doesn't get up on her own anymore and I have complete control over the bathroom activities. Everything happens in the toilet now except for wetting her depends in bed....You will feel better when things are more calm around you. Your pain and stress is not permanent...maybe you will have a bit of shell shock, but you can feel better if you get things under control, eat right, exercise or dance a bit, grow some plants, string some beads, make a beautiful salad to eat, read a book, talk to some friends or neighbors and of course try to set up some respite care for your mom. Try and remember some things that you used to love to do before you were entrenched in this care giving role and find a way to do them. You deserve to treat yourself with love and compassion without feeling guilty. Hugs to you.

Menohardy's daughter...it was me who said that taking care of a baby was different than an elderly adult...sorry I hurt you. Your story is exceptional and I can see why you feel that way. Everyone has their own experience that makes them feel certain ways about things. Too much for me to explain here. I feel lots of resentment towards my 3 brothers who probably caused my mother more work and anguish over the years than I ever did. I am 52 now and I have been watching over and helping my mother since I was 22 (when my dad passed away)...she has been in my home for 9 years...so if I decided to throw in the towel and put her in a NH, I would feel hurt by someone who says it's my obligation to keep her to the end. I have done my share plus a ton. I wish one of my brothers would come and get her and shoulder some of this responsibility, but then won't. I do love my mom, I just worry about myself, my own health, my youngest child who is 12, I worry that I haven't given her enough attention and my husband who is 65, unemployed on soc. sec. and blah, blah, blah...oh dear, I said it was too much to explain...lol...anyway, I apologize for hurting you. Hugs.

((((EMJO)))) no one doubted that stress can exacerbate most any medical condition.
.
The question was can it cause Fibromyalgia and the answer is NO IT CANNOT.cause fibromyalgia. It can cause depression which is a bona-fide-recognized by the AMA and any Psychiatrist as a disability worthy of a claim for Social Security. I said in my post that you addressed that some people can handle being a caregiver and some people can't. But no one should feel guilty if they reached the point that they can't. If I didn't put it in that post I put it in others or insinuated it. I also listed ways to make caregiving easier. I will say this. Anyone who has reached the end of their rope should get out of care giving altogether and let the professional care giver take charge and not feel a wit of guilt. MOMMAG.
you cannot do it alone You did not hurt me in any way and I never intended to hurt you. Where did I say it was your obligation to keep her to the end? I said I would keep my dad thru the crap and the cleaning to the end unless he ever became violent. Your pain is not my pain and it sounds like you have suffered far too long.
I would never expect my children to spend 30 years taking care of me or anyone else unless it was their vocation and they got paid to do it. If I cannot speak my mind without being ganged up on then why post at all? I feel we owe our parents a dignified life be it in our home or a nursing home Hospice whatever. I see alot of
elderly being cared for by their children and getting paid for it. I have friends who has an elder living in their homes and see them being ignored more than not. Meno has had an occasional mishap-one time he sneezed and the crap went everywhere . One incident and it wouldn't have gone everywhere had he been covered but I had just bathed him and sent him in the room to get dressed and the phone rang and I forgot him standing in his room in his birthday suit. I freaked out so cleaned him up, dressed him, cleaned the baseboards and decided to paint his room with waterproof paint-got cheap carpet to throw over the balcony and wash it outdoors for any future events. If Meno dug waste and filled pillow cases and slung it on the walls I would most likely throw in the towel. I actually never for a second believed that post was a real every day occurrence. Never would I put up with that on a daily basis-EVER! But having said that I could never put my dad or a child or my grandparents in a home simply because they were inconvenient and Meno is beginning to talk to himself and rock-I don't care-he's my dad and I have not reached the point yet to throw in the towel and I can't say I never will but doubtful since his doctors told me late yesterday he will not be with me much longer as his ejection fraction has dropped and we all agreed not to put him through surgery for a pacemaker, more O2 pumps-tanks, etc. Pain medications are cardio-toxins and his heart is a ball of mush his dr said-O2 levels on 5 setting is 86 and his heart cannot keep up. So I dson't have to throw in the towel... he is. I resent someone taking what I say out of context and speaking for someone else. Mommamag-direct to you I feel your pain. I have siblings who let me down. Last Veterans day my baby brother came all the way from Palmer, Alaska to attend my dads VFW ceremony and afterwards he and me and my other siblings and dad went for lunch. Sissy he said, I don't know how you do it. I said I do it because I love him and if it was you I'd do it for you and he said no, I mean how can you be so selfish? You deny us, you deny your own children taking care of a vegetable that can speak.
Put him in a nursing home and come back to your family! I was in shock. We have not spoken since that day but sometimes I think he is right and when I feel that way all I have to do is look at Meno playing with his treasures that mean nothing to anyone except him and know I did the right thing. Whatsoever you do to the least of our brothers that you do unto me...

golfbhard,

PLEASE get help caring for your elder [a facility of some level]!

While the symptoms you have so far described could point to bowel issues with alternating constipation and runs, which a Doc might help with meds, or you could help with daily fiber servings, if you are not interested in my suggestion of using chia seeds in juice daily [it's still fiber and nutritional content, just natural], she is likely going to keep having that problem to some degree.
It will weigh on you, and disrupt any try for a bit of your own life.

When a caretaker's health is faltering, care-taking has taken too great a toll!
One simply needs to take care of your head-to-toe health needs.
IT sounds like you are solidly into that realm of needing serious help--the kind who cannot back out at the last minute.

Since she has funds/coverage, nursing home should not be a problem
--or you could MAY look at an "Assisted Living" portion of some nursing homes, which are more like "home" and elders can have familiar furnishings around them. OR a "Care home" where just a few persons are cared for in a very home-like setting.

Please get real help and fast!
IT is common for a person under extreme stress, to get a sense of
"gosh! I feel so much better just by talking with people who understand it"
or "Gosh, I took a tiny pro-active step to call some job lines--now I know there is a job I COULD go for, besides this hellish one I thought I was stuck in"
---and think
" I feel better because of doing those small things--maybe I was making a mountain out of a molehill--I was just tired," or whatever excuse .
NO!!
Making those kinds of excuses allows the situation to keep going unchecked, and you will almost immediately find yourself back where you started--except now you have people rooting for your success at finding help.

Please get your elder into a facility--assisted living, nursing home, board and care home---but out of your home.
What you have described is you needing her OUT of your home, so you can heal you.
You cannot heal you, if she is still in the house, calling on you, in the slightest.
Your personal condition has become dire,
and
while it might buy a tiny bit of time to have someone come into your home to do the care, unless you can totally shut off that part of the house, you now have your elder, as well as all the [24/7] care-givers traipsing in and out, asking you for input on what's the best way to do something, or telling you your elder cannot be happy unless you personally take care of something. Or they fail to show up.

Your condition has gone too far for in-home help to do enough for long enough.

Please find some level of facility to take over care of your loved one!

{{{hugs!}}}
Chi

Ruth...you never said anything about being obligated to the end...it was some previous post of someone else...the one that I had originally said I didn't like...please don't feel ganged up on! It wasn't you who said it! I would have to go back and find it. Let's drop that and be friends.

Doctors do not know what causes fibromyagia - they say it could be genetic, from infections, physical or emotional trauma. I liked a holistic view which lists Overexertion,
Stress,
Lack of exercise,
Anxiety,
Depression,
Lack of sleep or sleep disturbances,
Trauma,
Extremes of temperature and/ or humidity,
Infectious illness.

I found an article about the differences between caring for a child and caring for an elderly person - it explains things better than I can! https://www.agingcare.com/articles/Caring-for-Parents-Versus-Caring-for-Children-120215.htm

mommag - that is in agreement with what I have found out. I was diagnosed with CFS/FM (chronic fatigue syndrome/fibromyalgia) in 1993. It came on quite suddenly, but after a period of extreme stress. It certainly wasn't lack of exercise as i used to walk alot, and being exhausted after a normal walk was the first thing i noticed, along with the tender points, muscle aches and general exhaustion. For me sleep disturbance came with the CFS/FM. Overexertion is characteristic of those who get it and I fit the bill - had 4 children, worked full time, did grad work all together. Thankfully, with reduced stress, and a careful lifestyle I am much improved. At one point the exertion of getting dressed in the morning was enough to send me back to bed.
golf - I would hate to see you get any worse that you are now. It has been a long trip back for me, and some of that was learning how to remove stress from my life, and also how to pace myself. I was 56 when I was diagnosed.
ruth, i am sorry you feel ganged up on. Each of us has a contribution, and we do have different opinions, knowledge and experience, and that's OK. Your contributions here are valued, as are most others. Your brother's comment must have been very hurtful.

Yes-hugs to you. My dad was on the forum this am while I was waiting to have a pump delivered. I left the computer up and he snuck in-ha,ha-he is confined to bed because his Oxygen levels drop so low. He is down to days or hours and doctor said to notify family so brother and sisters are coming in. I'm just in a daze this is happening so fast. Ruth

Ruth, I have been following your dad's posts after discovering them recently, and have so enjoyed him, and you too. I am sad and sorry to hear he not getting enough 02. I hope he is not in pain. Please let him know we other caregivers admire him and are thankful he shared his perspectives with us. It is very obvious that the two of you love each other in a special way, one that has carried you both through some rough times. Let him know we see that too! Do you have some live support nearby to help you with all the emotions and family? I'll keep you and your special dad in my prayers, Wish we could give real hugs, Kimbee

Dear Ruth:

I am sending you a million blessings; and a million more to your dad too. You don't owe anyone an apology and you might be over sensitive to things said on this thread. I don't think you are being ganged up on, but I know I have taken things that way myself in the 9 plus months I've been here. Sometimes posts just fly and it's easy to misinterpret just who is talking to who.

I so respect all you have done for your dad and have appreciated reading all of his posts. What an amazing man he is and, as far as you are concerned, the apple didn't fall far from the tree. You are a shining star, filled with love for your dad and lighting his path. Makes me think of his comment about Nova.

It sounds like things are moving faster than expected now. Maybe that's a blessing for Meno. Someone told me, it might have been my husband, that even though you know the end is coming it is still a shock when it happens.

I am keeping you, Meno and your family in my prayers. I'm sorry about your brother. I think it's hard for men. Maybe easier to not be so invested and watch someone pass. Your mom was in Hospice so maybe he is wondering why dad isn't. Who knows, but you have been there for your dad and that's what is important to you both. What an amazing communication you have had during his last months. Really, it is exceptional.

I am sending you lots of love, prayers and comfort. Same to your dad. Please know we are all thinking of you and sending love. Hugs, Cattails

Ruth, thoughts and prayers being sent to you and Meno tonight.

(((((Ruth)))) thinking of you and your family 0prayers going your way.

((((((((((((golfbhard))))))))))))) we haven't forgotten about you. How are you doing?

Been at hospital all night -stopped in to shower,change and bring Meno his Bear-he is bad off-more from a medication snafu but I don't think he will be coming home-have to run now-pick up youngest brother a little later flying down from Alaska, everyone else is here I have to be by him-will be back in touch-thanks Ruth

Meno daughter. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Meno. Hugs and prayers!

Ruth, I've kept track of all you and your dad's post. I have learned a lot from both of you. My dad is bedridden from stroke last year. He's always been a very bitter man and quite verbally/physically abusive...even bedridden. I've read your dad's posts and I Try to be more patient and understanding with dad but it's very difficult. But I'm trying. Thanks to you both. I really do appreciate it. My thoughts and prayer will be on you both. HUGS from all of us!!!

Emjo: how do you heal from fibromyalgia? I went to health food place and they sold me a bunch of supplements and sId no sugar, flour or artificial sweetened.
What did you do to get your health back?

Hi Suzie
I have written out some guidelines which helped me. I am happy to share them with you, or anyone else reading.. If you have any questions òr comments don`t hesitate to contact me, or just post here. I will be watching...

My Experience with Healing from Fibromyalgia

1. Reduce stress. Whatever was causing emotional or physical stress in my life, I got rid of. I was quite ruthless in this. Also I avoid extremes as much as possible - heat, activities, emotions, - anything I found stressful.
2. Resolve any ongoing tensions – I go to counselling if necessary. Any tension makes it worse. I know someone who was in a wheel chair from CFS/FM, who, after she went for counselling re her alcoholic dad, improved greatly and didn't need the wheel chair any more.
3.Infections = I had candida and sinus infections for years, was not given proper treatment, and I believe the candida contributed to the CFS/FM, as well as flaring into a systemic form two years ago which is very serious, (40-45% mortality). I tried all the natural remedies but they did not do the trick. (They may for others, but did not for me) I am on prescribed meds, and getting better. I use a peroxide rinse for my sinuses which keeps them healthy.
4. Gentle exercise, as I could tolerate it. Walking is good, also just moving as you do around the house, but not to the point that you tire.
5. Healthy diet – may differ from one individual to another, but low carb to begin with seems to help many. For several months I ate no simple carbs - no sugars, few fruits and grains in general, no honey, syrups etc. I did eat good quality protein, non-starchy veg’s, and find I have to protein with every meal. I avoid processed food, preservatives, additives, artificial sweeteners etc. as much as possible, Stevia seems to be OK. I eat mainly for nutrition; but have some healthy "treats". Caffeine affects me more than it did so I don’t take much. I found I am allergic to wheat (gluten) and dairy as well as being lactose intolerant.
6. Sleep -adequate sleep. I found this one very difficult, as I would wake up after 4-5 hrs. I sleep in the daytime if I feel like it, as I know I need more than 5 hrs.
7. Rest - I listen to my body, and rest when I ache, am exhausted, rest until I feel better. Sometimes that is a lot of rest.
8.The 50% solution – if I feel I have energy, I use 50% to do what I want to, and leave the other 50% for healing. I did this for a number of years as I had lost my second wind. I seem to be ab le to do more now.
9. Supplements – the ones that help and I have tried many such as vitamin supplements, Co Q10; carnitine, adrenal extract etc.
10. Read – with brain fog I could not read as I did, but still have gathered much information about the above. Each of us is a little different, so applying these guidelines may differ from one to another¸.
I learned to be patient and persistent –this condition did not develop overnight, and did not go away overnight. I am greatly improved from what I was, though I still have to be careful. I think you can improve greatly too. I am 75 and better than I have been in years.

I think it is wise to get a thorough medical to rule out or treat any conditions like thyroid imbalance, pre-diabetes, diabetes, high blood pressure etc. For example my thyroid level jump around and affect my energy. I monitor them every couple of months and my dose get changes as needed.

I am very happy to act as a resource to you or anyone else who wants to heal from this condition. Sometimes dealing with one thing at a time is possible, while trying to change too many things becomes impossible. You know yourself best.

Good luck
Love, hugs, and prayera ♥♥♥
Joan

Many prayers your way!

golbhard,
I can hear your pain and distress just leap off the page!
If you have not already done it, you might apply for Social Sec. Disability.
?Though, at your age, they might make it SSI--more like early retirement for health reasons.
Part of that depends on how much you have worked int eh past [regular employment/income].
Stress can make illnesses worse, it can also trigger illnesses.
The best remedy is to resolve what is causing the worst stress.
IF one cannot do that [sometimes it happens], then find ways to help relieve the stress at least sometimes, and find ways to help yourself cope better...better coping skills can be learned, even at our ages!

Fibromyalgia [FMS] [or CFS, too] alone, does not usually qualify for SSDI.
HOWEVER, when combined with other qualifying diagnoses,
and depending on what symptoms and impairments are happening,
it CAN qualify under SSDI rules.
I know, because it did for me.

If a collection of "smaller" [?!?] diagnoses exist, and so impairs a person as to keep them from earning a living [that's approximately $700 per month] regularly, then they usually do qualify.
It might take the average 2 "turn-down" letters, then a court date.
OR, if you have a really good advocate or collection of Docs willing to write just the right words into letters to document your conditions, it can go through very fast--like immediately or a few months.
Depends on the conditions and the documentation--and the applicant's persistence!
A good number of your diagnoses could qualify alone, depending on severity.
But lumped together on the application, should push your case through to get SSDI benefits.

Sometimes we cannot count on relatives to give any relief.
I have learned it is of no good use to stew over dysfunctional relatives--they are as they are. But I gradually discovered there are agencies and people that can help--even a little.
Each regional area has various resources--we just have to find them.
A local hospital advocacy person, a Social Worker, a Crisis Line, can all start pointing people in need, in a better direction.

I truly hope you find help before things get worse!
{{{hugs!}}}