Follow
Share
Read More
Find Care & Housing
I’m glad for everyone’s sake he managed to get home, see family, and not have a long drawn out decline. I hope everything else works itself out.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to ShirleyDot
Report
PeggySue2020 Mar 25, 2026
Thanks, Shirley. It very well might.

The things mil needs support with aren’t her adls. It’s more like executive assistant functions that her other dil is tasked with. The immediate task burden is now the financial paperwork that comes with spousal death.
(1)
Report
Sorry for your loss.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

Mil has the aide coming at 9 now. The main reason now is that she’s afraid to sleep alone in the house, plus of course the loneliness. There is also less money coming into the household now that fil has passed. Theres no need for her to be paid 123k/year anymore to basically let the dog out and bring/not bring the kid to sleep over there. 9 is pretty late to start doing crafts. As well. it’s not like either of her sons are willing to put in their own labor making a princess suite for this child, which frankly they should not be sleeping in rehabbed or not. Hopefully like other opportunistic aide situations, this one works itself out.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to PeggySue2020
Report
Hothouseflower Apr 1, 2026
I really hope so as well, PeggySue. It must be hard to stand by and watch a loved one being taken advantage of and not being able to do anything about it.
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
I am a little confused. The person being paid that large amount of money was a family member, correct? Then a separate aide was brought in for night duty and this person brings a child? So two people were being paid to take care of in-laws?
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
PeggySue2020 Apr 1, 2026
Yes, mil has two aides. The daytime one is my sil, who functions as an executive assistant, and the Indy, who has been there mostly to tend to fil’s nighttime incontinence and is now there mostly to sleep at the house so she isn’t alone. Aide started bringing the child three years ago, but not all the time. She has legal parents in a nearby city where she attends school.

Sil is paid hourly. Aide is paid based on a contract of 117 hours a week, as it was back in 2020 when she was brought in to care not only for fil after his stroke but mil who was fighting cancer at the time. She has long been in remission.
(0)
Report
PeggySue, just a reminder that if your parents were married longer than 10 years and your Dad collected more in SSI than your Mom, then she can now file to collect his, if you didn't already know this.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Geaton777
Report
PeggySue2020 Apr 1, 2026
Thanks for this, I think she’s doing that. The pension will be reduced, thoigh
(1)
Report
Sorry to you and your DH for your loss.
I hope you get the unfortunate complexities sorted.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to waytomisery
Report

Thanks for clarifying for me. So if MIL can afford all this care, do you need to worry about her monthly income?
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
PeggySue2020 Apr 2, 2026
Like I’ve acknowledged, it is all mil’s money now, and as she doesn’t have dementia or a poa, it’s her choice as to how she spends it. That said, it would be reasonable to negotiate a lower fee agreement now that no actual adl care needs to be provided, plus there is less income coming in.

Mil’s first instinct in all 15 hospitalizations was to give aide the next night off, presumably to have her own space. We want to foster that versus a paid friend and her family.
(1)
Report
See 2 more replies
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter