Fil right now is in and out of consciousness. He can only indicate yes and no. He is being fed by ivs. He can’t use the entire right side of his body,
Mil reacted by making the sleep aide a true live in, She wants her husband home. This lady isnt even a cna. She has handled a Hoyer lift zero times. She is in poor health herself.
I don’t think she’s reflected on how it really takes a village to handle cases like fil, but she absolutely won’t consider a home and it sounds like she’s even resistant to rehab.
What to do?
You do not have to be a CNA to use a Hoyer Lift. People can be trained to use the equipment that is needed.
Your MIL may have to hire another caregiver as well as the one that is now an overnight.
Depending on the stroke is recovery/rehab a viable option?
I do hope that your FIL has a DNR or POLST.
This is really something that your husband needs to manage since it is his parents.
I get wanting to bring a spouse home. Particularly if you have been raised to care for family, "for better or worse, in sickness and in health" and all the other emotions that go with that. The thought of losing a spouse is difficult.
A Hoyer in a residential environment is almost always a two person job. Elevating this one Indy’s hours aren’t going to fix it. What’s she going to do, call on her 11-12 yo kid she brings to assist with that or alternatively the two hour diaper changes? Or will it be 81 yo mil or 72 yo sil?
This time around he is a lot worse off.
So sorry this has happened.
Mil arranged for the sleep aide to be there 24/7 up from evenings through early mornings. This is the one that brings the kid with her that’s not hers but kind of an informal adoption. We’ve talked with the in-laws already on the ramifications of this Indy getting residency there with this kid. We’ve talked about the fact that this Indy has gang-involved family. Indy’s family has already “filled in” by moving her bed there and coming in as a substitute when Indy went to her home country. Hopefully they were not the gang involved ones.
Will he need a feeding tube? This is the reality I had to face when my Aunt had her catastrophic stroke, and one of the deciding factors for hospice (she was also 105 yrs old).
I agree with Fawnby that the doctor or team sitting with her to discuss his care needs and what type of in-home qualified aid he would need has to happen. Maybe this can be discussed with the current aid and maybe they'll resign or insist on other help. How can this poor aid be there 24 /7 when not even qualified or experienced or in good health?
If she manages to get him home and family sees it isn't going well, then maybe calling APS is an option...
So sorry for this distressing situation.
For two years I took care of a relative who was in exactly your FIL’s shape. FIL will need rehab. They usually start it ASAP after the event, in the hospital room. They evaluate. Your MIL will get an earful. Be ready for hysterics. I’m very sorry that this has happened, and I hope he can recover some of his abilities.