Follow
Share
Read More
Another call from mil. Fil is now totally unresponsive and from what she articulated to dh, he has brain wave abnormalities that are growing worse.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to PeggySue2020
Report
Fawnby Mar 16, 2026
Very concerning…..I'm so sorry you're all going through this.
(5)
Report
See 1 more reply
You actually your husband can stress to hospital staff that to bring him home would be an unsafe discharge.
You do not have to be a CNA to use a Hoyer Lift. People can be trained to use the equipment that is needed.
Your MIL may have to hire another caregiver as well as the one that is now an overnight.
Depending on the stroke is recovery/rehab a viable option?
I do hope that your FIL has a DNR or POLST.
This is really something that your husband needs to manage since it is his parents.
I get wanting to bring a spouse home. Particularly if you have been raised to care for family, "for better or worse, in sickness and in health" and all the other emotions that go with that. The thought of losing a spouse is difficult.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Grandma1954
Report
PeggySue2020 Mar 16, 2026
Fil ripped up his DNR. He enjoys being in the hospital and intends to be a full code forever.

A Hoyer in a residential environment is almost always a two person job. Elevating this one Indy’s hours aren’t going to fix it. What’s she going to do, call on her 11-12 yo kid she brings to assist with that or alternatively the two hour diaper changes? Or will it be 81 yo mil or 72 yo sil?
(4)
Report
See 3 more replies
This is fils third hemorrhagic stroke in six years. The second was an aftershock of the first six years ago. Fil was immediately conscious after that one. He could eat and drink. After a couple days he could ambulate to the commode. He went to an acute rehab that was part of the hospital system. He came back with a walker, nbd, and able to cut his food.

This time around he is a lot worse off.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to PeggySue2020
Report

Is this the in-laws that pay thousands to have a family member care for them? If so, you know how this will end. I would step back and let Husband and SIL handle this one. I also may refuse to help with his care if she brings him home. Of course, you would help your husband by supporting him.

So sorry this has happened.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
PeggySue2020 Mar 16, 2026
Yeah, it is.

Mil arranged for the sleep aide to be there 24/7 up from evenings through early mornings. This is the one that brings the kid with her that’s not hers but kind of an informal adoption. We’ve talked with the in-laws already on the ramifications of this Indy getting residency there with this kid. We’ve talked about the fact that this Indy has gang-involved family. Indy’s family has already “filled in” by moving her bed there and coming in as a substitute when Indy went to her home country. Hopefully they were not the gang involved ones.
(3)
Report
See 3 more replies
Oh dang... can a family member contact the hospital/rehab and tell them he's definitely an unsafe discharge at this point?

Will he need a feeding tube? This is the reality I had to face when my Aunt had her catastrophic stroke, and one of the deciding factors for hospice (she was also 105 yrs old).

I agree with Fawnby that the doctor or team sitting with her to discuss his care needs and what type of in-home qualified aid he would need has to happen. Maybe this can be discussed with the current aid and maybe they'll resign or insist on other help. How can this poor aid be there 24 /7 when not even qualified or experienced or in good health?

If she manages to get him home and family sees it isn't going well, then maybe calling APS is an option...

So sorry for this distressing situation.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Geaton777
Report
PeggySue2020 Mar 17, 2026
How did you administer her comfort meds if she needed a tube due to no swallow reflex?
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
Ah, sorry to hear this PeggySue.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to SnoopyLove
Report

Make sure MIL has conversations with his medical team, the social workers responsible for releasing him, etc. Maybe they can set her straight! Make sure she and they understand that you and the family are unavailable to help him at home. You’re also unavailable to manage such a situation; someone will have to, and that’s a full-time job in itself. Don’t let it be you!

For two years I took care of a relative who was in exactly your FIL’s shape. FIL will need rehab. They usually start it ASAP after the event, in the hospital room. They evaluate. Your MIL will get an earful. Be ready for hysterics. I’m very sorry that this has happened, and I hope he can recover some of his abilities.
Helpful Answer (11)
Reply to Fawnby
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter