Long story short...dad finally in snf after 25+ years of pd. My mom is still in their home, which is not safe for her for physical/mental reasons. Example....we need one more SS document to get my dad on Medicaid. Sister calls Mom every night to read her what came in the mail (online access doesn't work for 900 reasons). Mom may be lying or losing mail though. She calls my sister every afternoon to ask what she's waiting for, writes it down, them my sister calls back 6 hours later and mom has lost the note and hasn't gotten the mail. She has no $ left. Just the house. Sister and I are done after 50+ years of abuse. If I get the state to be her guardian, do we get any proceeds from house sale (upon her death) if any are left? Or does state keep everything. Don't get mad at me for this question....she has always had mental issues and won't take meds I finally got her on. She leaves me cruel messages just for having bottled water delivered. She punched my dad with pd for years. I'm just...done. she won't accept home aides. Doesn't have the $ to pay for them anyway. Refuses all suggestions for AL, moving in with her own sister, even an apartment.
You must have a local SS near you. Get Mom to call them, with you present, and have her give permission to speak with you and then tell them what you need.
It doesn't matter that your mom refuses any and all suggestions of moving into a care facility, as because of her broken brain she shouldn't be given the choice. So if getting the state involved at this point will protect her from herself then so be it. And if they decide the house should be sold to pay for care for both your mom and dad, so be that as well.