They are 83 and 75 (she has early alzheimers. They signed a contract at asstisted living, and they keep cancelling - He shouldn't be driving and one minute they say ok we will go - then the next day they are cancelling saying they are fine in their home for 2 more years. They eat one meal a day at the same restaraunt - if he doesn't feel like driving - or eating - she doesn't eat at all - could be 3 days before she gets her next meal (she doesn't remember and drinks ensure). He drives and shouldn't - she can't remember to call 911 in an emergency - can't remember conversations yesterday - and they both can't tell me what day of the week it is, or when Christmas is - We want to force this move but are not sure how - husband has POA
You could call your local Alzheimer's organization as see if a social worker can come to your home to evaluate the situation. They can be very helpful and there's no agenda to sell you services. This person may be able to suggest in-home services available in your community, as well.
Take care of yourselves and please let us know how this progresses.
Carol
They probably can be happier at home with support. If driving is not advisable, then they need to be driven to appointments, social outings, church. If they need someone to shop for them or have their food delivered (consider paying for meals on wheels for them).
If they are not able to manage cleaning, hire a cleaning lady for them. Do their laundry weekly or pay a friend to do it for them.
Get the mother in a daycare program for people in the early stages of her disease. This will give the older father a chance to rest while she is being looked over.
If Dad can still do the check writing fine, if not get the POA and write the checks for them so their running bills are paid. I would get a home health aide there daily to help get them bathed etc. If not done already, get the home set up for handicapped especially in the bathroom to reduce the likelihood of a fall.
Bottom line assisted living isn't for people who can be cared for better in their own homes with help. The last 2 or 3 years of life should involve nursing homes and assisted living ---not decades of it. We are living longer, and we can support elders in their home.
If you get a POA remember, you need to assist them to do what they want for their care. I think their cancelling out on the assisted living tells you they know they are not ready for that type of placement yet. When I had the POA I did what my father wanted and we reached "agreement" on the home supports he would receive. Forcing the elder (like forcing a teenager) generally leads to rebellion--you want their last years to be cheerful and you having their respect and love. It can be done. Yes it is more difficult then a transfer to assisted living where the elder is left to deal with strangers meeting or failing to meet their needs. Many assisted living facilities do not offer much support and are ill prepared to deal with your mother's illness or any mental health issue. Don't
listen to the sales job when they say they do it all---investigate.
Good luck---this is aging, it is a normal part of life not a crisis.
Good Luck!
Another question is involving private pay: how much income and assets do they have to sustain the 'assisted living'?
another consideration is that they likely (if they decide to move to an assisted facility), they would not be happy in a 1 room arrangement. It may require a 2 bedroom suite, with a living area.. again cost....
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