My twin brother refused to help with Mom's elderly care costs. Do I have any rights to force him to pay half the costs?

Your first step is to consult a lawyer. Then you would have a better idea of your chances of collecting, and what consequences might be for others.

I misread. You mother died 9 years ago, right? So she is not going to sue him. If he has been cheating on his taxes, I'll bet IRS has first dibs on his estate. I'm interested to know what legal advice you get.

My brother just informed his children that he had saved a little over $2 million to give to them upon his death (in trust funds that he's put money into monthly for over 30 years, not life insurance policies). So he had the money all along, just didn't want to let the IRS or his ex-wives' attorneys know that he had the second lucrative job. No, mom can't file a civil suit, I lost her back in 2004 when my money ran out and I could no longer afford her treatments. My brother could have helped and did in fact agree to help, and made promises when she first got sick and I took her in, he just screamed about it when I would actually ask for the money for a specific reason. All along, he's lied, to me, to Mom, to his children and to his ex-wives. I wonder what the court would do to him if they learned just how far his deceit went. I also fear for the children's inheritance if the IRS learns of his second job and his not paying taxes on it. If I take it to court, I worry the kids would lose and they've been through enough just having to admit this man was their biological sperm donor. None of them have ever called him "Dad".

Is your mother willing to file a civil claim against your brother? I doubt that the state cares who paid for her needs -- they didn't have to, and that is kind of the point of trying to enforce these very old laws now.

When you asked your brother to help financially he screamed at you and claimed no money. That doesn't sound like an agreement. I don't see how you can try to force him now to do something he never agreed to. Does he have the money now, in any case?

It sounds like the only way you would get money now is through legal action. Have you discussed this with a lawyer?

I am very sorry that you did not have help all along. I wish that your brother had been able and willing to help you out. It is a regrettable situation, but I doubt that you have legal recourse here.

After you consult a lawyer, please come back and tell us what you find out. We learn from each other here.

I think my husband would quit his job first before giving his dad a penny when he has squandered it. Hopefully, those situations would be taken into account.
If your brother has lied to the court, that is perjury and my guess is, he would be accountable for that. The question would be however if they would send him to prison for lying under oath AND give you restituition or just send him to prison where he would probably die.
Also, it may be worth looking into just in case he is not dying of anything and is perfectly healthy. He may be doing a con again on you.
I think the question that would definately come up is why you have waited almost a decade after your mom's passing to file suit? I do not know if there is a statute of limitations on legal matters such as this but it may be worth looking into. Maybe an attorney that specializes in elder law could be of help.

Yes there are provisions for children to abandon parents if the children were abandoned. I'm not sure about the money squandering but I'd guess that's probably taken into account if the child is sued for support. I know all the children who live in the same state as their parent are held accountable. Some states don't force the children to pay if their state isn't on the list that require payment.

I guess my question should have been that my brother lied about his ability to pay, not only about Mom's upkeep, but he also lied to the court about his income to avoid paying his fair share of child support to the mothers. The reason I had the kids so much was because the mothers and children all lived below the poverty level due to my brother's lies about his income. He did that, and stiffed Mom, in order to keep from paying his ex wives any more than he absolutely had to. If he'd helped pay for Mom's care, he would have been forced to own up to his actual income (not to mention I think he lied to the IRS as well and didn't report the second income he had).

This is scary. My FIL has wasted close to 1/2 million in pension benefits by gambling, womanizing and playing big-shot over the last 20 years. My state is on the list. I would soon to move to Canada than give him my daugher's college fund or our pension (which I see thankfully is taken into consideration). No wonder the statistics are going through the roof of baby-boomers who are comitting suicide in record numbers and one of the factors in the study listed was the extra-long life expectancy of their parents and the emotional, physical and financial costs of care givers. Just heartbreaking for the adult children.
I wonder for those parents who have been less than ideal and abusive or have ran through their money like water if adult children are able to legally sever all ties?

Actually, by living in the state of Tennessee, there are laws on the books requiring children to provide care, both medically and financially, to their aging parents. I did do this because I dearly love my Mom and my niece and two nephews. In truth, 29 states have such laws on the books and they are now beginning to be enforced. See the article I copied and pasted below. Far too many children have no idea this is going to be an additional burden on them when their parents become infirm.



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Requiring Adult Children to Pay for Aging Parents

Did you know you could be responsible for your parents' unpaid bills? Twenty-nine states currently have laws making adult children responsible for their parents if their parents can't afford to take care of themselves. While these laws are rarely enforced, there has been speculation that states may begin dusting them off as a way to save on Medicaid expenses.

These laws, called filial responsibility laws, obligate adult children to provide necessities like food, clothing, housing, and medical attention for their indigent parents. According to the National Center for Policy Analysis, a conservative research organization, 21 states allow a civil court action to obtain financial support or cost recovery, 12 states impose criminal penalties on children who do not support their parents, and three states allow both civil and criminal actions.

Generally, most states do not require children to provide care if they do not have the ability to pay. States vary on what factors they consider when determining whether an adult child has the ability to pay. Children may also not be required to support their parents if the parents abandoned them or did not support them.

The passage of the Deficit Reduction Act of 2005 made it more difficult to qualify for Medicaid, which means there may be more elderly individuals in nursing homes with no ability to pay for care. In response, nursing homes may use the filial responsibility laws as a way to get care paid for.

Here is the list of all states that require children to be responsible for their parents if the parents are unable to provide for themselves:

The New Old Age
By JANE GROSS
States With Filial Responsibility Laws
States with filial responsibility laws are: Alaska, Arkansas,
California, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Iowa,
Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Montana,
Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota,
Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Dakota,
Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, and West Virginia.
To look up the actual language of the statutes, here are the
citations:
1. Alaska Stat. 25.20.030, 47.25.230 (Michie 2000)
2. Arkansas Code Ann. 20-47-106 (Michie 1991)
3. California Fam. Code 4400, 4401, 4403, 4410-4414 (West 1994),
California Penal Code 270c (West 1999), California Welf. & Inst.
Code 12350 (West Supp. 2001)
4. Connecticut Gen. Stat. Ann. 46b-215, 53-304 (West Supp. 2001)
5. Delaware Code Ann. tit. 13, 503 (1999)
6. Georgia Code Ann. 36-12-3 (2000)
7. Idaho Code 32-1002 (Michie 1996)
8. Indiana Code Ann. 31-16-17-1 to 31-16-17-7 (West 1997); Indiana
Code Ann. 35-46-1-7 (West 1998)
9. Iowa Code Ann. 252.1, 252.2, 252.5, 252.6, 252.13 (West 2000)
10. Kentucky Rev. Stat. Ann. 530.050 (Banks-Baldwin 1999)
11. Louisiana Rev. Stat. Ann. 4731 (West 1998)
12. Maryland Code Ann., Fam. Law 13-101, 13-102, 13-103, 13-109
(1999)
13. Massachusetts Gen. Laws Ann. ch. 273, 20 (West 1990)
14. Mississippi Code Ann. 43-31-25 (2000)
15. Montana Code Ann. 40-6-214, 40-6-301 (2000)
16. Nevada Rev. Stat. Ann. 428.070 (Michie 2000);
Nev. Rev. Stat. Ann. 439B.310 (Michie 2000)
17. New Hampshire Rev. Stat. Ann. 167:2 (1994)
18. New Jersey Stat. Ann. 44:4-100 to 44:4-102, 44:1-139 to 44:1-
141 (West 1993)
19. North Carolina Gen. Stat. 14-326.1 (1999)
20. North Dakota Cent. Code 14-09-10 (1997)
21. Ohio Rev. Code Ann. 2919.21 (Anderson 1999)
22. Oregon Rev. Stat. 109.010 (1990)
23. 62 Pennsylvania Cons. Stat. 1973 (1996)
24. Rhode Island Gen. Laws 15-10-1 to 15-10-7 (2000); R.I. Gen.
Laws 40-5-13 to 40-5-18 (1997)
25. South Dakota Codified Laws 25-7-28 (Michie 1999)
26. Tennessee Code Ann. 71-5-115 (1995), Tenn. Code Ann. 71-5-
103 (Supp. 2000)27. Utah Code Ann. 17-14-2 (1999)
28. Vermont Stat. Ann. tit. 15, 202-03 (1989)
29. Virginia Code Ann. 20-88 (Michie 2000)
30. West Virginia Code 9-5-9 (1998).
State laws vary. however, law student Shannon Edelstone, in her
award-winning essay (cited below), studied all of the state laws and
found that most agree that children have a duty to provide
necessities for parents who cannot do so for themselves. The states'
legislation also gives guidelines to the courts, telling judges to use a
number of factors when weighing the adult child's ability to pay
against the indigent parent's needs. Judges, accordingly, have
considered such variables as the adult child's financing of their
child's college education, as well as his/her personal needs for
savings and retirement.
Sources: Filial Responsibility: Can the Legal Duty to Support Our
Parents Be Effectively Enforced? by Shannon Frank Edelstone,
appearing in the Fall 2002 issue of the American Bar Association's
Family Law Quarterly, 36 Fam. L.Q. 501 (2002). Lexic

You are obviously the kind twin. I dont think the courts will provide you relief, but I will pray God rewards your unselfishness

I think helping raise kids that are not yours, mortagaging your home, continuing to pay for things for your mom, quitting your job would all be looked at as things you did freely but may now regret when looking at the large financial picture. I think an attorney would bring every one of these things into question and run with them from there just for starters.
If your brother is dying, it will come into question why you are just going after him financially now and not sooner. If he dies and you go after his estate, an attorney will bring up all the above questions as well.
Unless your brother was a power-of attorney in control of your mother's finances and he squandered them, then I do not see how there can be any legal recourse against him. Being a sorry person and legally responsible are two different things. I'm not even certain an attorney would even take this as a case because you were under no legal obligation to take your mom in (and neither was your brother). You took the moral high ground but there was nothing to make you take your mom in legally.
Personally, I would cut my losses, focus on my own children, have all others move out and wash my hands. Good luck.

Actually, there was a verbal agreement, he even admitted it, and it's listed above in the "oops, I forgot I was supposed to pay for mom, you can sue me, but I'll be dead before you get it, you're screwed"

I am not an attorney, but I highly doubt you can recoup your financial loss. There was no agreement, verbal or written, from what you shared, that your brother agreed to pay for your Mom's care. Sounds like you took on more than what you could bear, unfortunately, to your financial detriment.