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In 2014 I developed severe anxiety dealing with my mother and all of her perceived problems. Anxiety/Panic attacks were so bad that it felt as if I was dying each time I experienced one. My pcp wanted me on medication. I researched it and found out so many people were having difficulty getting off that medication. I decided to go a different route. Fortunately I found the web site, Excel at Life. There is one audio tape on there that I listened to every time I had a anxiety/panic attack. It was not easy, it took about 2 months but every anxiety/panic attack I listened to it. Now when I do experience anxiety/panic attacks I better understand what is going on with my body and that they will not kill me. Here is the page that I found most helpful: https://www.excelatlife.com/downloads/cognitive_self-talk/panic.htm 'Panic Assistance' was that tape that helped me. I am submitting this as an alternative to taking medications. It is not an instant cure but it enabled me to cope with anxiety in a way that I know longer fear it but accept it. I hope you will take a look at the site. There are many great articles and audio tapes, perhaps you will find one that is right for you in your situation. It will take time to get your mind set on the right path but it works! Best of luck.
I hope you will permit me to say that Xaanex is a very ppowerful and very dangerous substance. If taken consistantly for even a few weeks, it changes how the brain works and becomes very addictivein very strange ways. Terrible mental and physical effects happen if the addicted person tries to stop taking it. It is even possible that permanent damage occurs that cannot be reversed.I beg everyonre to avoid it. May God have mercy.
Nobody ever had a heart attack nor any heart problems from any failure to take a mind altering substance. Heart problems and many other problems are caused by bad fake phony so called foods, lack of sensible but not excessive exercise, and or heriditary problems. A lack of so called antidepressant never ever caused anybody any health problems.
Karen, I would suggest you seek counseling and a caregiver support group first. Maybe look into natural antianxiety before seeking a Rx. Sending you big ((((hugs)))!!
Hi, Bobbie, I am new to this forum. I can so relate to your situation. I have been living fulltime with my mother since covid hit. It has been extremely challenging. After months of extreme anxiety I finally found that taking time every morning to meditate (I particularly like the Calm app) and try to stop and do tapping when I find my 10 year old self responding to her latest accusations has really helped me to keep my anxiety under better control. I also walk away from difficult conversations that I know are not going to go anywhere but downhill and announce, "Oh, gee, it is time for my yoga". I just go in the next room shut the door and put on a youtube yoga video for 10-30 minutes. It makes all the difference and I can sure use the exercise too.
Another strategy that has helped me is that I put on quiet classical music on the TV most of the day. It helps keep my mother in a much more peaceful space and she has fewer episodes of anxiety so is less likely to come at me with more accusations. I won't say it has been easy. It has been very, very hard because I am dealing with my own PTSD issues, but slowly I have found natural ways to reduce my reactivity to her and take care of myself. I make sure I take time for own activities everyday so I don't let myself become too resentful. I am sending you my compassion, supportive feelings and hope that something in this helps a bit, even if it's just knowing you are not alone. Do take care. These are tough times. Mary
Just my 2 cents, which certainly doesn't apply to every situation. Possibly not yours, either. You didn't describe your caretaking situation, just the effects an individual has on you. I assume this person is the one you are caring for. You didn't say whether it was a remote or in-home situation; yours or hers.
Drugs can be marvelous helpers in life. They can also be a trade-off; i.e. exchanging one problem for another. And each person has to choose for themselves what they want to take or not take.
I guess I have a mental block against taking a potentially addictive substance to combat the effects of being around an individual who "sucks the life out of me" and sends your blood pressure into the stratosphere, not to mention your heart racing.
I wish you would explore a care-taking alternative that would reduce your contact before starting an anxiety med. There are ways of providing care without damaging your own health. Best wishes!
I have inherited an Aunt Theresa from my deceased hubby in April of this year. She sucked the life from him and her sister Margaret who also passed because of the presence of this person. I refuse to let her get me, she is a narcissistic 92 year old Italian woman who has been spoiled for her adult life. I go to her home everyday to do something or take her someplace. Without my medication for depression and anxiety I don't really know what state of mind I would be in. But I don't think it would be a good place. I'm hanging in but not without my meds. Bless your heart for all that you do. Just remember that you are loved. I would make an appointment and talk openly to your doctor, reach out and ask him for help. You can't do it alone with a person in her condition. Also I have not become addicted to anything I've been prescribed. Even if I did, I think it would be worth the relief I would get from this person. LOL
First you need to relax. Try soaking in a hot bath with ten drops of rose oil. While soaking sip lavender tea. As you are sipping the lavender tea listen to relaxing instrumental music on youtube. Now, assess the situation. Why does she cause your blood pressure to rise? Does she know she is doing causing it? If so talk with to stop it or you are walking away from this relationship. Being a natural path for over forty years my preference is herbal medicine, Shiatsu massage (if there is any where you live). and being in Gods Cathedral (nature)and pouring out my heart unto Christ. Because He walked amongst us He experienced everything we have. He offers the best advice because He loves you, He cares about you and He ants what is best for you. I depend upon You, Holy Spirit to help me set Godly boundaries in my relationships. I depend upon You to guide me in the proper use of these skills to nurture loving relationships while purging myself of toxic folks who only bring unnecessary drama and chaos to my life. Joseph, a son of Jehovah I have lived a pretty rough life and this method has worked for me through the storms and through the desert.
I have to agree with a lot of what you have said. When caring for my mom would hit low points I always turned to god for solutions. I would ask for him to take control and things always worked out.
I just lost my mother in July, she got pneumonia and went down hill really fast. I was living with her in her home and was her caregiver. I felt many times like you are feeling now. I'm not a medicine kind of person, but being stuck in the house with someone who seems like nothing you do will please them is very challenging. I used to go play pool three times a week for respite and to get my social fix, but the pandemic stopped that. My mom would often do things for attention so when she got sick and started moaning loudly and so forth, I thought she was putting on a show for attention. The day she passed I was shocked and cried harder than I ever have in my life. The grief and guilt I feel now are overwhelming. Yes, she also sucked life out of me and caused health problems. Yes she was horrible to me sometimes. But there are also good memories to hold on to and the weight is off my shoulders now, my job is done. I feel guilty just saying that but it's true. Hang in there, one day your mother will be gone, you will feel relief and grief and guilt but your job will be done. Just take a deep breath, take care of yourself the best you can and get help if you can when things are bad. Big hugs, from someone who's been there.
As others have asked, what are the living conditions? Are you in her home or she in yours? Or does she live in a facility? What is her medical condition (aka dementia, heart, mobility, etc. or is she just older and needs some care)?
If co-habiting, can that be changed? If she's living alone in her own place or a facility, how often do you visit and/or have to help out?
Personally I try not to rely on medications unless they are absolutely necessary. If there is an alternate way to deal with an issue, I will try that first. So, not knowing your full situation, before resorting to (or in conjunction with a mild, intermittent use):
1) If/when you feel that stress coming on, try to remove yourself from the situation and practice deep breathing and relaxation techniques.
2) If she is the one who is wound up, maybe due to dementia, perhaps it would be better to look into having her take medication, calming her (we had to use the anxiety meds a few times for mom, esp when she got a UTI in MC)
3) Not knowing what the triggers are, perhaps some counseling for you to explore what they are and ways to avoid and/or deal with them.
I know if my mother were living with me I would likely be crawling the walls! There are multiple reasons (physical for me and logistics for my house) that I knew having her here wouldn't work. It is better having her in a place where someone can watch over her 24/7 and prior to lock down I could visit. Even when visiting, there were times she would get me wound up. Usually I could deal with it - perhaps walk away, use the bathroom as excuse, or try to change the subject. It is hard not to sometimes react to bad behaviors, but with dementia it is bound to happen and we need to be prepared and know various methods to keep ourselves outside that bubble and calm! Only once did her refusal to go with me to an appt irritate me, esp her responses and stupid reasoning. Again, not totally her fault, but it was something she was known to do before dementia, so it WAS irritating.
Deep breaths, try to relax your body - it will start to tighten up when you get this feeling, so shake out your arms/hands, exhale out your mouth and get your body to "melt".
If possible, do come back and try to provide a little more information. Details are none of our business, but without having some reference point, it is hard to make suggestions. Obviously taking medications like that should be discussed with your doctor, but having feedback from others is helpful and having ways to alleviate the stress naturally is helpful too!
Thanks, I'm disgusted too! Can't win, can't stop caring! I went into a panic attack while she confused the crap outta me! Lost my breath and told her I've got to hang up. Most people don't understand that caregivers are burdened by commitment but by guilt,too. Who's going to care for them if "I" don't? Many families have more children but one gives up everything while others live happily ever after. I'm very jealous of them and I ask my mother to ask them for help, she replies "I don't have favorites" I don't understand you, where are you coming from? Mothers are closer to their daughters." I'm against meds, did marijuana in my 20's good for pain but slowed my mind, relaxed but not coherent, just as we see our elderly today. So taking meds should be a senior thing but not for caregivers.
My short answer is YES. I do believe many or most MDs who aren't into or aware of Eastern medicine practices will somewhat easily 'give a pill' to stop xxx, but not all MD are DRUG PUSHERS. You need to assess your own situation. MDs are not gods and most don't even study nutrition in school - or perhaps they do now. We, 'patients' need to take self-responsibility for prescribed meds.
In any case, I believe taking the edge off is important and REMEMBER, you can stop anytime [in a healthy way, perhaps not cold turkey.] Try something out for a month or a few months and adjust accordingly.
Long ago I decided not to deal with menstral cramps - after years + years of horrible pain. A few years ago, I got on an anti-anxiety, low dose. It was so low that my friend (therapist) said it wasn't even a therapeutic dosage so I upped it a little more. I still have anxiety, but the edge is off and the terror waking up in the mornings is GONE.
There is always a trade off --- with so many side-effects of prescribed meds. I sort of hate taking any myself. I do my best with health practices, i.e. : 1. slow jogging or some outdoor exercise. 2. eat healthy 80% of the time, most of the time. 3. started journal writing - just 5 minutes a day. After two sittings, its already helped. 4. I'd recommend keeping a journal when / if you do start on meds and track how you are feeling, noting differences. In this process, you may become more aware of aspects of you you didn't know before which is a major plus. 5. Include plenty of positive experiences and self-pampering. I watch movies and play scrabble on my phone.
I THANK GOD + the UNIVERSE for anti-anxiety and anti-depressants and pain meds - when I need, I take responsibly. No self-judgment. This is SELF-CARE.
this family of drugs are highly addictive. And more difficult to wean off than narcotics. Coffee enemas and colonics were listed in the Textbook of clinical pharmacology and therapeutics for many years, all the way up to 1977 as a treatment for mental illness...from mild anxiety up to manic depressive disorder.
Yes!!! My dr prescribed a low dose of clonazepam that I would take on the way to visit my mother!! I also took lexapro for a while when things were really bad, but since she has moved to an ALF, I stopped. The anxiety meds though are a lifesaver in stressful situations. A 30 day supply can last me almost a year, just take as needed. Good luck!!
I have told my doc I resent having to take more Valium because of caring for my husband and the stress that comes with it. I know I need less when he is gone for most of a day. I also know when this job is no longer mine alone I will take less. I always will take my antidepressants but the anxiety meds are currently up by 30%. My doc says I must do this for now.
I have resisted taking meds. I don't know if that's good or bad! My mom lives with us downstairs in her own apartment. She is experiencing some dementia and is draining me! It has gotten so awful that I've requested her doctor to please assist in having her placed in a nursing home. I'm feeling very guilty, but my family and health are also suffering as well! So will drugs help, I really don't know! I just need a break from this responsibility!
You should never be wracked with guilt for that. Your family needs you too and it would be terrible for them to lose you because you drove yourself into the ground trying to be your mother's caregiver. That's why there's nursing homes and assisted living facilities because sometimes no matter how hard you try or however good someone's intentions are, they can't take care of their elderly parent.
Take a minute to think about what you're asking. The answer to all things that ail mankind is not 'meds'. If your mother's mere presence causes all of this to happen with you, then there's a reason for it. What is it? Was there abuse towards you? Physical, emotional, or psychological? Don't be your mother's caregiver because clearly it is not a good situation for you.
Gosh, I seem to be on a roll in this conversation... My mom's presence (by virtue of 65 years of emotional neglect) is extremely challenging for me, as her fulltime caregiver. Yet I'm 100% on spot, responsible, and proactive for her, without judgment. Caregiving doesn't have any room and doesn't allow for emotions or judgments. Consider, please, BurntCaregiver, that there are those among us that may be exceptions and in unique situations that just can't be addressed so neatly. I'm in a situation that I can't [because I won't] walk away from a dying animal. Life is messy.
You have to do what makes you feel better and more able to cope. I haven’t ever taken anti anxiety meds but I wouldn’t be against it if my methods of coping fail. I do yoga, ride my bike, shop online and treat myself to something nice (at my mother’s expense), and have a glass of wine while making dinner. I read a lot and try to do what makes me feel good. I tell her I have to go ....now when she really gets on my nerves. On days when days nothing works, I just tell myself that tomorrow is another day.
You need to face the fact that regardless of the relationship, her behavior is causing you great distress. Why are you allowing that to occur? Don't you deserve better treatment? Drugs may help but why are drugs needed? You NEED TO GET AWAY FROM HER. She has no right to do this to you and the only solution is to totally remove yourself from her sight. Please place her or find a caretaker to tend to her. Don't let her tear you to pieces. Live your life while you can - in peace.
It sounds harsh the way you put it but that's really it! You can't care for someone until you get your time to breathe and regroup. It doesn't last long but oh the 4-7 days off is a blessing. Of course, it just repeats itself until the next time. Talked about home care and reverse mortgage, need a lawyers input. Harsh but well said.
You did not state your mother's entire health conditions. If your explained anxiety continues to worsen, obtain professional help so you can better cope with your mother's situation in order to reduce your stress. Once the professional diagnoses your anxiety, ask your doctor for what type of anxiety meds may work best for you.
My mother is 76 yrs. old, type 2 diabetic. We live together. She gets around on her own but her memory and mental state is withering. She is co-dependent of me..won't go to sleep until i do..won't eat without me, heaven forbid if i dont feel well and dont feel like eating. i have to force myself to eat with her..else what do i do, let her starve? She is perfectly capable of preparing something for herself. Her famous line is "that's ok..all a person needs is bread and water." Horribly nasty and hostile toward me..nothing i do is good enough. I myself have health issues and I cater to her all day and get treated like dirt.. i suggested help, like food delivery for elderly..she refuses help from outside sources..what for, she has me, right?.. I'm not the same person i was in my 20-30's..I am tired and not in perfect health either.
I can say, medications are for the elderly and weak. You are not weak, you're here seeking advice. Drugs are a solution but not the cure. Look what the flu shot does, nothing in 75 years! C19? 99.8 percent of surviving it! .2 percent of dying? You're probably worrying about everything now, as many caregivers do. I still don't know what to do. In my heart and soul all I can do is my best. Can't let manipulation defeat you. I know you're trying, try approaching a time out for you. It doesn't last long but you get to breath. Hey mom, I'm kinda wrapped up in things, can I get back to you?
I agree with the time out suggestion, and that we're all here seeking experienced advice. Here goes my own opinion, though unsolicited: I think that your statement (as a layperson) that 'medications are for the elderly and week' is dangerously ill-informed, unkind, offensive, and not helpful. Finally, what the hell does your reference to flu shots/vaccinations have anything to do with Karen's post asking for suggestions and experience?
Karen, I've been there. I did go for anxiety meds (in small and judicious doses). They allowed me to continue with the physically and emotionally exhausting business of being a 65 y/o primary caretaker. I am completely dependable and competent in my role. These (caretaking full-time) times ain't normal times or circumstances. the 'shoulds' and 'should-nots' about anti-anxiety meds are just plaint Victorian and opinions of 'should not', in my own very personal experience, expressed by folks who couldn't imagine in their wildest dreams what it's like. My occasional, judicious use of my prescription keeps the balance within manageability. I'm resisting itemizing the long list of extraordinary things I've accomplished physically and emotionally. Seeking, taking anything that can SUPPORT us through this physically and emotionally time is NOT necessarily weak--it is purely practical. The poster who said that these prescriptions are for 'the weak'--well, I'd LOVE to know the details of their own personal circumstances. I was 100% alone, physically and emotionally, and they helped me and my mom do what we both needed to do. Total rambling, because there's SO much in this topic that brings up so many things ...
you are not weak...but in fact very strong. It wasn't the medications that helped you, it was your own spirit of goodness and determination. And, probably the Angels that surround us when we reach to help another unconditionally. All medications have side effects which destroy our health...some more slowly than others When you are ready, check out ashwaghanda powder & Moringa powder...These are very rich in nutrition, build ongoing strength & steadiness of the nerves & blood. And have no side effects. And many side benefits. Keep smiling, the river of life is constantly moving, and we with it
Drugs that cross the blood-brain barrier are nothing to choose to use lightly. You are rightfully concerned. Their long-term effects are still not well understood. There are studies that indicate they can increase one's risk for Alzheimer's. Personally, I would never take a pill to "cope" with any situation and certainly not one that has no known end date.
Don’t be a martyr. You don’t need to live with your mother anymore. It’s not working out. She needs to be in a facility. None of us are going to live forever. You need to get on with your own life.
Please get some counseling. This is not healthy for you. I’ve felt that way too, and had to cut back a lot on how much I would do for my mom. I needed a professional’s advice each step of the way. If anyone is “sucking the life out of you”, you need to get away. Just because a parent gave birth to us, that does not mean that we owe our life to him or her. Parents chose to give birth. Not so with grown children.
Hi, Nancymc: I was in a similar extreme caregiving situation with my feisty mother back in 2012-2013 AND UNEMPLOYED AT AGE 56. THANK GOD I had some family to help my Mom into assisted living so I could get myself professionally diagnosed for my anxiety, see my doctor for my situation and get Trazadone meds to relax me, allowing me to seek new work.
I'm terribly sorry to hear about the stress that you are under. It is very hard to be the primary caregiver. I too wanted to soldier on and keep helping but it did take a toll. I was in denial and in my case the anger and resentment affected my judgement for my own health and my father's
My dad passed four years ago and I'm still suffering from high blood pressure. I do think if possible, it is best to consider making alternate arrangements for your mom. Give yourself a respite. These feelings and health symptoms are warning signs. Some medications will help but in the end, I do think its better to make other plans and walk away from being the primary caregiver if it has reached this point.
cayenne pepper powder (not caps) will regulate bp nicely. Start small 1/8tspn. Mix with a little full fat yoghurt & enough water to swallow it down. Add a spoon yoghurt to your mouth just before you take it...this will ease the heat greatly. Work up to 1tspn x 3 times daily before meals. Works like a charm. Wonderful stuff cayenne. You can google "dr christopher legacy on cayenne pepper" there are videos on Youtube also. Hang in there. It gets better :)
Again I must plead with everyone not to ever take any brain altering substances.. Anxiety, panic attackds, depression, and possibly other nervous system disorders are caused by malnutrition. The malnutrition is often caused by so called meds that interfere withethe processing of food in the body. Avoid statins, diuretics, thiazide,, and narcotics. Take sublingual B12 every morning. Eat at least one or more whole eggs every day and drink a quart of whole milk every day.Eat mostly all organic berries, fruits, and veggies every day. Never eat refined carbs nor processed foods, nor white sugar, and drink no sodas.Good food is the best medicine. Also, forget the very false idea that we can ever be stress free and or pain free in this cursed and fallen world.A pill is never the answer.Also, stress does not cause mental problems. Most important of all; Do not be a victim. Nobody can abuse us unless we allow it.Ask God to guide you in making wise healthy decisions for yourself and others. God bless you all!
Oh my dear Bobbie,, I am so glad you had a positive life and were able to without brain altering drugs. Please realize not everyone is as fortunate as you. I have a major depressive disorder and an anxiety disorder. Medication, countless hospitalizations, life long psycho therapy have kept me alive and functioning to this day. You were obviously were prescribed medications You did not need. I had over 88 shock treatments which got me back to work. I had a long career as a marketing rep for AT&T. Thankfully the company understood mental illness. Asfor others who feel the need for RX for anxiety, hopefully they have a good doctor to guide them!
Please believe that those of us who advise against the taking of brain altering substances are not against medicine. I am 86, healthy, med free, and pain free.I Threw away prescriptions for vicodin, thiazide, lipitor, and fosomax wheI was in my 60's.I will always be so glad I did. In addition, I saw those so called meds and also so called antidepressants destroy a lot of people.i do love and thank God for some meds. I do respect science and some doctors.I had a wonderful surgeon and a wonderful therapest. Also, when i was young, we had a great family doctor.I think amoxyllin and some other antibiotics are some of God's greatest gifts to us. I took the free bacterial pnuemonia shot when i turned 65. I took another one 6 years later.i am not against all doctors nor all meds. I am just saying do not take any brain altering so called meds. Do extensive and careful research. Do not take nutrition draining substances either.Do alot of extensive and careful research.Do not be concerned about"shame or "gult about taking brain altering things. Just forget all of that and just avoid them to protect yourself.God bless you all!
Some people CAN’T refuse meds for mental illness or chronic pain. That is what you and others do not understand.
It’s either take meds or have a life that is not worth living. Getting up every morning, every day, feeling like you’re enveloped in pain and darkness is not a life people want to live.
Just as you can’t will diabetes or infection away, you can’t will away depression, anxiety, or pain.
Dear Karen, I am sorry you are so full of anxiety. I know how that feels. As for medications, I would talk to your doctor about the side effects and get some real help with this decision. Perhaps they would not be for you. Maybe you need some time off. I do take= them and am caring for my husband, which is very stressful, However, I was not given them for that stress. I do not think they would help you. I am not your doctor and he/she would be your first step. My best to you.
Ashwanghanda powder 1tspn x 2 times daily before meals does help to calm & strengthen the nerves..and therefore reduce anxiety However, it sounds like you Need (not want, need) time away. Preferable in Nature. By the ocean, or the mountains. At least 3 days and night minimum Preferably 7 days to 2 weeks. Its a job you are doing. (put your heart to the side for a moment) All workers get minimum 2 weeks vacation a year. And have some scented epsom salt baths, and someone to give you regular therapeutic massages. My Grandmother told me "massage is not a luxury, its a necessity" Take good care of yourself. Nothing lasts forever
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'Panic Assistance' was that tape that helped me. I am submitting this as an alternative to taking medications. It is not an instant cure but it enabled me to cope with anxiety in a way that I know longer fear it but accept it. I hope you will take a look at the site. There are many great articles and audio tapes, perhaps you will find one that is right for you in your situation. It will take time to get your mind set on the right path but it works! Best of luck.
I would suggest you seek counseling and a caregiver support group first.
Maybe look into natural antianxiety before seeking a Rx.
Sending you big ((((hugs)))!!
I can so relate to your situation. I have been living fulltime with my mother since covid hit. It has been extremely challenging. After months of extreme anxiety I finally found that taking time every morning to meditate (I particularly like the Calm app) and try to stop and do tapping when I find my 10 year old self responding to her latest accusations has really helped me to keep my anxiety under better control. I also walk away from difficult conversations that I know are not going to go anywhere but downhill and announce, "Oh, gee, it is time for my yoga". I just go in the next room shut the door and put on a youtube yoga video for 10-30 minutes. It makes all the difference and I can sure use the exercise too.
Another strategy that has helped me is that I put on quiet classical music on the TV most of the day. It helps keep my mother in a much more peaceful space and she has fewer episodes of anxiety so is less likely to come at me with more accusations.
I won't say it has been easy. It has been very, very hard because I am dealing with my own PTSD issues, but slowly I have found natural ways to reduce my reactivity to her and take care of myself. I make sure I take time for own activities everyday so I don't let myself become too resentful.
I am sending you my compassion, supportive feelings and hope that something in this helps a bit, even if it's just knowing you are not alone. Do take care. These are tough times.
Mary
Just my 2 cents, which certainly doesn't apply to every situation. Possibly not yours, either. You didn't describe your caretaking situation, just the effects an individual has on you. I assume this person is the one you are caring for. You didn't say whether it was a remote or in-home situation; yours or hers.
Drugs can be marvelous helpers in life. They can also be a trade-off; i.e. exchanging one problem for another. And each person has to choose for themselves what they want to take or not take.
I guess I have a mental block against taking a potentially addictive substance to combat the effects of being around an individual who "sucks the life out of me" and sends your blood pressure into the stratosphere, not to mention your heart racing.
I wish you would explore a care-taking alternative that would reduce your contact before starting an anxiety med. There are ways of providing care without damaging your own health. Best wishes!
She sucked the life from him and her sister Margaret who also passed because of the presence of this person.
I refuse to let her get me, she is a narcissistic 92 year old Italian woman who has been spoiled for her adult life. I go to her home everyday to do something or take her someplace.
Without my medication for depression and anxiety I don't really know what state of mind I would be in. But I don't think it would be a good place. I'm hanging in but not without my meds.
Bless your heart for all that you do. Just remember that you are loved. I would make an appointment and talk openly to your doctor, reach out and ask him for help. You can't do it alone with a person in her condition. Also I have not become addicted to anything I've been prescribed. Even if I did, I think it would be worth the relief I would get from this person. LOL
Try soaking in a hot bath with ten drops of rose oil.
While soaking sip lavender tea.
As you are sipping the lavender tea listen to relaxing instrumental music on youtube.
Now, assess the situation.
Why does she cause your blood pressure to rise? Does she know she is doing causing it? If so talk with to stop it or you are walking away from this relationship.
Being a natural path for over forty years my preference is herbal medicine, Shiatsu massage (if there is any where you live). and being in Gods Cathedral (nature)and pouring out my heart unto Christ. Because He walked amongst us He experienced everything we have. He offers the best advice because He loves you, He cares about you and He ants what is best for you.
I depend upon You, Holy Spirit to help me set Godly boundaries in my relationships. I depend upon You to guide me in the proper use of these skills to nurture loving relationships while purging myself of toxic folks who only bring unnecessary drama and chaos to my life. Joseph, a son of Jehovah
I have lived a pretty rough life and this method has worked for me through the storms and through the desert.
If co-habiting, can that be changed? If she's living alone in her own place or a facility, how often do you visit and/or have to help out?
Personally I try not to rely on medications unless they are absolutely necessary. If there is an alternate way to deal with an issue, I will try that first. So, not knowing your full situation, before resorting to (or in conjunction with a mild, intermittent use):
1) If/when you feel that stress coming on, try to remove yourself from the situation and practice deep breathing and relaxation techniques.
2) If she is the one who is wound up, maybe due to dementia, perhaps it would be better to look into having her take medication, calming her (we had to use the anxiety meds a few times for mom, esp when she got a UTI in MC)
3) Not knowing what the triggers are, perhaps some counseling for you to explore what they are and ways to avoid and/or deal with them.
I know if my mother were living with me I would likely be crawling the walls! There are multiple reasons (physical for me and logistics for my house) that I knew having her here wouldn't work. It is better having her in a place where someone can watch over her 24/7 and prior to lock down I could visit. Even when visiting, there were times she would get me wound up. Usually I could deal with it - perhaps walk away, use the bathroom as excuse, or try to change the subject. It is hard not to sometimes react to bad behaviors, but with dementia it is bound to happen and we need to be prepared and know various methods to keep ourselves outside that bubble and calm! Only once did her refusal to go with me to an appt irritate me, esp her responses and stupid reasoning. Again, not totally her fault, but it was something she was known to do before dementia, so it WAS irritating.
Deep breaths, try to relax your body - it will start to tighten up when you get this feeling, so shake out your arms/hands, exhale out your mouth and get your body to "melt".
If possible, do come back and try to provide a little more information. Details are none of our business, but without having some reference point, it is hard to make suggestions. Obviously taking medications like that should be discussed with your doctor, but having feedback from others is helpful and having ways to alleviate the stress naturally is helpful too!
Can't win, can't stop caring! I went into a panic attack while she confused the crap outta me! Lost my breath and told her I've got to hang up. Most people don't understand that caregivers are burdened by commitment but by guilt,too. Who's going to care for them if "I" don't? Many families have more children but one gives up everything while others live happily ever after. I'm very jealous of them and I ask my mother to ask them for help, she replies "I don't have favorites" I don't understand you, where are you coming from? Mothers are closer to their daughters."
I'm against meds, did marijuana in my 20's good for pain but slowed my mind, relaxed but not coherent, just as we see our elderly today. So taking meds should be a senior thing but not for caregivers.
I do believe many or most MDs who aren't into or aware of Eastern medicine practices will somewhat easily 'give a pill' to stop xxx, but not all MD are DRUG PUSHERS. You need to assess your own situation. MDs are not gods and most don't even study nutrition in school - or perhaps they do now. We, 'patients' need to take self-responsibility for prescribed meds.
In any case, I believe taking the edge off is important and REMEMBER, you can stop anytime [in a healthy way, perhaps not cold turkey.]
Try something out for a month or a few months and adjust accordingly.
Long ago I decided not to deal with menstral cramps - after years + years of horrible pain. A few years ago, I got on an anti-anxiety, low dose. It was so low that my friend (therapist) said it wasn't even a therapeutic dosage so I upped it a little more. I still have anxiety, but the edge is off and the terror waking up in the mornings is GONE.
There is always a trade off --- with so many side-effects of prescribed meds. I sort of hate taking any myself. I do my best with health practices, i.e. :
1. slow jogging or some outdoor exercise.
2. eat healthy 80% of the time, most of the time.
3. started journal writing - just 5 minutes a day. After two sittings, its already helped.
4. I'd recommend keeping a journal when / if you do start on meds and track how you are feeling, noting differences. In this process, you may become more aware of aspects of you you didn't know before which is a major plus.
5. Include plenty of positive experiences and self-pampering. I watch movies and play scrabble on my phone.
I THANK GOD + the UNIVERSE for anti-anxiety and anti-depressants and pain meds - when I need, I take responsibly. No self-judgment. This is SELF-CARE.
Coffee enemas and colonics were listed in the Textbook of clinical pharmacology and therapeutics for many years, all the way up to 1977 as a treatment for mental illness...from mild anxiety up to manic depressive disorder.
You did not state your mother's entire health conditions. If your explained anxiety continues to worsen, obtain professional help so you can better cope with your mother's situation in order to reduce your stress. Once the professional diagnoses your anxiety, ask your doctor for what type of anxiety meds may work best for you.
I still don't know what to do. In my heart and soul all I can do is my best. Can't let manipulation defeat you. I know you're trying, try approaching a time out for you. It doesn't last long but you get to breath. Hey mom, I'm kinda wrapped up in things, can I get back to you?
All medications have side effects which destroy our health...some more slowly than others
When you are ready, check out ashwaghanda powder & Moringa powder...These are very rich in nutrition, build ongoing strength & steadiness of the nerves & blood. And have no side effects. And many side benefits.
Keep smiling, the river of life is constantly moving, and we with it
Take care of yourself.
Hugs
MENTAL HEALTH MEDS ARE NOT ”PILLS”. It is as legit a medication as insulin, blood pressure meds, or antibiotics.
Every med has a possibility of effects. It is BS that the medical community doesn’t know how meds will affect people.
If anyone is “sucking the life out of you”, you need to get away. Just because a parent gave birth to us, that does not mean that we owe our life to him or her. Parents chose to give birth. Not so with grown children.
I was in a similar extreme caregiving situation with my feisty mother back in 2012-2013 AND UNEMPLOYED AT AGE 56. THANK GOD I had some family to help my Mom into assisted living so I could get myself professionally diagnosed for my anxiety, see my doctor for my situation and get Trazadone meds to relax me, allowing me to seek new work.
I'm terribly sorry to hear about the stress that you are under. It is very hard to be the primary caregiver. I too wanted to soldier on and keep helping but it did take a toll. I was in denial and in my case the anger and resentment affected my judgement for my own health and my father's
My dad passed four years ago and I'm still suffering from high blood pressure. I do think if possible, it is best to consider making alternate arrangements for your mom. Give yourself a respite. These feelings and health symptoms are warning signs. Some medications will help but in the end, I do think its better to make other plans and walk away from being the primary caregiver if it has reached this point.
Thinking of you.
Hang in there. It gets better :)
I am so glad you had a positive life and were able to without brain altering drugs. Please realize not everyone is as fortunate as you. I have a major depressive disorder and an anxiety disorder. Medication, countless hospitalizations, life long psycho therapy have kept me alive and functioning to this day. You were obviously were prescribed medications You did not need. I had over 88 shock treatments which got me back to work. I had a long career as a marketing rep for AT&T. Thankfully the company understood mental illness.
Asfor others who feel the need for RX for anxiety, hopefully they have a good doctor to guide them!
It’s either take meds or have a life that is not worth living. Getting up every morning, every day, feeling like you’re enveloped in pain and darkness is not a life people want to live.
Just as you can’t will diabetes or infection away, you can’t will away depression, anxiety, or pain.
I am sorry you are so full of anxiety. I know how that feels. As for medications, I would talk to your doctor about the side effects and get some real help with this decision. Perhaps they would not be for you. Maybe you need some time off. I do take= them and am caring for my husband, which is very stressful, However, I was not given them for that stress. I do not think they would help you. I am not your doctor and he/she would be your first step. My best to you.
However, it sounds like you Need (not want, need) time away. Preferable in Nature. By the ocean, or the mountains. At least 3 days and night minimum Preferably 7 days to 2 weeks. Its a job you are doing. (put your heart to the side for a moment) All workers get minimum 2 weeks vacation a year. And have some scented epsom salt baths, and someone to give you regular therapeutic massages. My Grandmother told me "massage is not a luxury, its a necessity"
Take good care of yourself. Nothing lasts forever