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PS source naturals calm orange flavor sublingual was recommended to me by a doc that’s phrase is “Skills not Pills”
The peppermint is more for daytime and the orange for night but he suggested to replace the anxiety meds with this GABA replacement instead. It’s a fairly new product and when it’s under the tongue it goes straight into your system. I find it helpful.
You can order on Amazon or any health food store. It works for me :)
Hi, what absolutely Works is Lavella- it is all natural lavendar in small gel pills. Ideally you will go to a naturopath to get them. Check with your pharmacist and then your dr. before taking. Can order from amazon or reputable Naturopath. You will feel better and sleep better. Works on anxiety and stress and sleep difficulty. Take one in am and one in pm. Also if you have a dog scared of thunder you can rub therapeutic essential oil lavender on the bottom of his/her paws and it will help calm them a lot. Must be the therapeutic essential oil version with only lavendar in it. Expensive but last a long time.
From personal experience YES anxiety meds help. Between Mom and I she was more prone to anxiety so we decided she would try them first. And because she was calmer I was calmer....less drama.
Karen... I'm going through a very similar situation and as I type this I am so exhausted from all of it (also)... I punt from day to day... but, what has made it more difficult for me (us) now is the Covid. I don't have any answers for you now, but I just wanted to let you know I understand and you're not alone... It's very, very difficult and somehow well find a way to get through it... but, somehow we have to do anything it takes to try and keep our health (I've lost 35 lbs and am trying to gain some back). Blessings...
Yes meds do help. I’ve been through this especially if your heart is racing. I’ve been hospitalized for this. There is no shame in taking care of your health. The meds take time to work. In addition to this the Dr will rec good eating habits and some daily exercising. I take a short walk everyday. I never thought I would need medication like this but at this stage of my life I need to function stay healthy and take care of my LO. They don’t have to be forever but for now. Good luck
A break from your caregiving responsibilities is temporary rest but enough time to seek permanent care arrangements for your mother while getting professional assistance for yourself.
For the three years that I was trying to let my mom remain in her house and manage everything while working and taking care of my own house...I literally lost my ever loving mind. The daily crazy phone calls, the constant run to the pharmacy to get meds refilled and pill dispensers set up, the grass cutting, the grocery shopping, the banking and bill paying, the house repairs...etc... I couldn't take it. I finally got her house ready to sell and found an assisted living facility two minutes from the house. It took so much off of my shoulders once I sold the car and house and moved her in. I still manage her care..pay her bills, wash her clothes, make sure she sees the doctor when needed, but it is so much better. That constant worry is gone and I have some time to myself again.
There are some very nice facilities out there. Start visiting a few, run the numbers and see if you can make it work for your mom.
Karen please find a facility for your mother. Meds aren’t going to help in this particular case. You need to have your own life. It’s her problem if she has separation anxiety, not yours. You don’t have to live with her and be at her beck and call till the day she dies. She could live to be 100 years old. Don’t feel guilty for living your own life, not HERS.
Please find another way to calm yourself before you reach for Rx. I suffer from GAD(General Anxiety Disorder) and PTSD. I take Rx and I wish I never started down this road.
Meditation works well. Give yourself times-out even if it is just 5 to 15 mins throughout the day. Go for walks. I agree that it sounds like you need a break. I believe nature is a great way to regenerate ourselves.
I am sorry that your mom is doing this stuff to you. It sucks!!
Ashwanghanda powder 1tspn x 2 times daily before meals does help to calm & strengthen the nerves..and therefore reduce anxiety However, it sounds like you Need (not want, need) time away. Preferable in Nature. By the ocean, or the mountains. At least 3 days and night minimum Preferably 7 days to 2 weeks. Its a job you are doing. (put your heart to the side for a moment) All workers get minimum 2 weeks vacation a year. And have some scented epsom salt baths, and someone to give you regular therapeutic massages. My Grandmother told me "massage is not a luxury, its a necessity" Take good care of yourself. Nothing lasts forever
Dear Karen, I am sorry you are so full of anxiety. I know how that feels. As for medications, I would talk to your doctor about the side effects and get some real help with this decision. Perhaps they would not be for you. Maybe you need some time off. I do take= them and am caring for my husband, which is very stressful, However, I was not given them for that stress. I do not think they would help you. I am not your doctor and he/she would be your first step. My best to you.
Please believe that those of us who advise against the taking of brain altering substances are not against medicine. I am 86, healthy, med free, and pain free.I Threw away prescriptions for vicodin, thiazide, lipitor, and fosomax wheI was in my 60's.I will always be so glad I did. In addition, I saw those so called meds and also so called antidepressants destroy a lot of people.i do love and thank God for some meds. I do respect science and some doctors.I had a wonderful surgeon and a wonderful therapest. Also, when i was young, we had a great family doctor.I think amoxyllin and some other antibiotics are some of God's greatest gifts to us. I took the free bacterial pnuemonia shot when i turned 65. I took another one 6 years later.i am not against all doctors nor all meds. I am just saying do not take any brain altering so called meds. Do extensive and careful research. Do not take nutrition draining substances either.Do alot of extensive and careful research.Do not be concerned about"shame or "gult about taking brain altering things. Just forget all of that and just avoid them to protect yourself.God bless you all!
Some people CAN’T refuse meds for mental illness or chronic pain. That is what you and others do not understand.
It’s either take meds or have a life that is not worth living. Getting up every morning, every day, feeling like you’re enveloped in pain and darkness is not a life people want to live.
Just as you can’t will diabetes or infection away, you can’t will away depression, anxiety, or pain.
Again I must plead with everyone not to ever take any brain altering substances.. Anxiety, panic attackds, depression, and possibly other nervous system disorders are caused by malnutrition. The malnutrition is often caused by so called meds that interfere withethe processing of food in the body. Avoid statins, diuretics, thiazide,, and narcotics. Take sublingual B12 every morning. Eat at least one or more whole eggs every day and drink a quart of whole milk every day.Eat mostly all organic berries, fruits, and veggies every day. Never eat refined carbs nor processed foods, nor white sugar, and drink no sodas.Good food is the best medicine. Also, forget the very false idea that we can ever be stress free and or pain free in this cursed and fallen world.A pill is never the answer.Also, stress does not cause mental problems. Most important of all; Do not be a victim. Nobody can abuse us unless we allow it.Ask God to guide you in making wise healthy decisions for yourself and others. God bless you all!
Oh my dear Bobbie,, I am so glad you had a positive life and were able to without brain altering drugs. Please realize not everyone is as fortunate as you. I have a major depressive disorder and an anxiety disorder. Medication, countless hospitalizations, life long psycho therapy have kept me alive and functioning to this day. You were obviously were prescribed medications You did not need. I had over 88 shock treatments which got me back to work. I had a long career as a marketing rep for AT&T. Thankfully the company understood mental illness. Asfor others who feel the need for RX for anxiety, hopefully they have a good doctor to guide them!
I'm terribly sorry to hear about the stress that you are under. It is very hard to be the primary caregiver. I too wanted to soldier on and keep helping but it did take a toll. I was in denial and in my case the anger and resentment affected my judgement for my own health and my father's
My dad passed four years ago and I'm still suffering from high blood pressure. I do think if possible, it is best to consider making alternate arrangements for your mom. Give yourself a respite. These feelings and health symptoms are warning signs. Some medications will help but in the end, I do think its better to make other plans and walk away from being the primary caregiver if it has reached this point.
cayenne pepper powder (not caps) will regulate bp nicely. Start small 1/8tspn. Mix with a little full fat yoghurt & enough water to swallow it down. Add a spoon yoghurt to your mouth just before you take it...this will ease the heat greatly. Work up to 1tspn x 3 times daily before meals. Works like a charm. Wonderful stuff cayenne. You can google "dr christopher legacy on cayenne pepper" there are videos on Youtube also. Hang in there. It gets better :)
Please get some counseling. This is not healthy for you. I’ve felt that way too, and had to cut back a lot on how much I would do for my mom. I needed a professional’s advice each step of the way. If anyone is “sucking the life out of you”, you need to get away. Just because a parent gave birth to us, that does not mean that we owe our life to him or her. Parents chose to give birth. Not so with grown children.
Hi, Nancymc: I was in a similar extreme caregiving situation with my feisty mother back in 2012-2013 AND UNEMPLOYED AT AGE 56. THANK GOD I had some family to help my Mom into assisted living so I could get myself professionally diagnosed for my anxiety, see my doctor for my situation and get Trazadone meds to relax me, allowing me to seek new work.
Don’t be a martyr. You don’t need to live with your mother anymore. It’s not working out. She needs to be in a facility. None of us are going to live forever. You need to get on with your own life.
Drugs that cross the blood-brain barrier are nothing to choose to use lightly. You are rightfully concerned. Their long-term effects are still not well understood. There are studies that indicate they can increase one's risk for Alzheimer's. Personally, I would never take a pill to "cope" with any situation and certainly not one that has no known end date.
Karen, I've been there. I did go for anxiety meds (in small and judicious doses). They allowed me to continue with the physically and emotionally exhausting business of being a 65 y/o primary caretaker. I am completely dependable and competent in my role. These (caretaking full-time) times ain't normal times or circumstances. the 'shoulds' and 'should-nots' about anti-anxiety meds are just plaint Victorian and opinions of 'should not', in my own very personal experience, expressed by folks who couldn't imagine in their wildest dreams what it's like. My occasional, judicious use of my prescription keeps the balance within manageability. I'm resisting itemizing the long list of extraordinary things I've accomplished physically and emotionally. Seeking, taking anything that can SUPPORT us through this physically and emotionally time is NOT necessarily weak--it is purely practical. The poster who said that these prescriptions are for 'the weak'--well, I'd LOVE to know the details of their own personal circumstances. I was 100% alone, physically and emotionally, and they helped me and my mom do what we both needed to do. Total rambling, because there's SO much in this topic that brings up so many things ...
you are not weak...but in fact very strong. It wasn't the medications that helped you, it was your own spirit of goodness and determination. And, probably the Angels that surround us when we reach to help another unconditionally. All medications have side effects which destroy our health...some more slowly than others When you are ready, check out ashwaghanda powder & Moringa powder...These are very rich in nutrition, build ongoing strength & steadiness of the nerves & blood. And have no side effects. And many side benefits. Keep smiling, the river of life is constantly moving, and we with it
I can say, medications are for the elderly and weak. You are not weak, you're here seeking advice. Drugs are a solution but not the cure. Look what the flu shot does, nothing in 75 years! C19? 99.8 percent of surviving it! .2 percent of dying? You're probably worrying about everything now, as many caregivers do. I still don't know what to do. In my heart and soul all I can do is my best. Can't let manipulation defeat you. I know you're trying, try approaching a time out for you. It doesn't last long but you get to breath. Hey mom, I'm kinda wrapped up in things, can I get back to you?
I agree with the time out suggestion, and that we're all here seeking experienced advice. Here goes my own opinion, though unsolicited: I think that your statement (as a layperson) that 'medications are for the elderly and week' is dangerously ill-informed, unkind, offensive, and not helpful. Finally, what the hell does your reference to flu shots/vaccinations have anything to do with Karen's post asking for suggestions and experience?
You did not state your mother's entire health conditions. If your explained anxiety continues to worsen, obtain professional help so you can better cope with your mother's situation in order to reduce your stress. Once the professional diagnoses your anxiety, ask your doctor for what type of anxiety meds may work best for you.
My mother is 76 yrs. old, type 2 diabetic. We live together. She gets around on her own but her memory and mental state is withering. She is co-dependent of me..won't go to sleep until i do..won't eat without me, heaven forbid if i dont feel well and dont feel like eating. i have to force myself to eat with her..else what do i do, let her starve? She is perfectly capable of preparing something for herself. Her famous line is "that's ok..all a person needs is bread and water." Horribly nasty and hostile toward me..nothing i do is good enough. I myself have health issues and I cater to her all day and get treated like dirt.. i suggested help, like food delivery for elderly..she refuses help from outside sources..what for, she has me, right?.. I'm not the same person i was in my 20-30's..I am tired and not in perfect health either.
You need to face the fact that regardless of the relationship, her behavior is causing you great distress. Why are you allowing that to occur? Don't you deserve better treatment? Drugs may help but why are drugs needed? You NEED TO GET AWAY FROM HER. She has no right to do this to you and the only solution is to totally remove yourself from her sight. Please place her or find a caretaker to tend to her. Don't let her tear you to pieces. Live your life while you can - in peace.
It sounds harsh the way you put it but that's really it! You can't care for someone until you get your time to breathe and regroup. It doesn't last long but oh the 4-7 days off is a blessing. Of course, it just repeats itself until the next time. Talked about home care and reverse mortgage, need a lawyers input. Harsh but well said.
You have to do what makes you feel better and more able to cope. I haven’t ever taken anti anxiety meds but I wouldn’t be against it if my methods of coping fail. I do yoga, ride my bike, shop online and treat myself to something nice (at my mother’s expense), and have a glass of wine while making dinner. I read a lot and try to do what makes me feel good. I tell her I have to go ....now when she really gets on my nerves. On days when days nothing works, I just tell myself that tomorrow is another day.
Take a minute to think about what you're asking. The answer to all things that ail mankind is not 'meds'. If your mother's mere presence causes all of this to happen with you, then there's a reason for it. What is it? Was there abuse towards you? Physical, emotional, or psychological? Don't be your mother's caregiver because clearly it is not a good situation for you.
Gosh, I seem to be on a roll in this conversation... My mom's presence (by virtue of 65 years of emotional neglect) is extremely challenging for me, as her fulltime caregiver. Yet I'm 100% on spot, responsible, and proactive for her, without judgment. Caregiving doesn't have any room and doesn't allow for emotions or judgments. Consider, please, BurntCaregiver, that there are those among us that may be exceptions and in unique situations that just can't be addressed so neatly. I'm in a situation that I can't [because I won't] walk away from a dying animal. Life is messy.
I have resisted taking meds. I don't know if that's good or bad! My mom lives with us downstairs in her own apartment. She is experiencing some dementia and is draining me! It has gotten so awful that I've requested her doctor to please assist in having her placed in a nursing home. I'm feeling very guilty, but my family and health are also suffering as well! So will drugs help, I really don't know! I just need a break from this responsibility!
You should never be wracked with guilt for that. Your family needs you too and it would be terrible for them to lose you because you drove yourself into the ground trying to be your mother's caregiver. That's why there's nursing homes and assisted living facilities because sometimes no matter how hard you try or however good someone's intentions are, they can't take care of their elderly parent.
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APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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The peppermint is more for daytime and the orange for night but he suggested to replace the anxiety meds with this GABA replacement instead. It’s a fairly new product and when it’s under the tongue it goes straight into your system. I find it helpful.
You can order on Amazon or any health food store. It works for me :)
There are some very nice facilities out there. Start visiting a few, run the numbers and see if you can make it work for your mom.
Take care.
Meditation works well. Give yourself times-out even if it is just 5 to 15 mins throughout the day. Go for walks. I agree that it sounds like you need a break. I believe nature is a great way to regenerate ourselves.
I am sorry that your mom is doing this stuff to you. It sucks!!
Hugs!!!
However, it sounds like you Need (not want, need) time away. Preferable in Nature. By the ocean, or the mountains. At least 3 days and night minimum Preferably 7 days to 2 weeks. Its a job you are doing. (put your heart to the side for a moment) All workers get minimum 2 weeks vacation a year. And have some scented epsom salt baths, and someone to give you regular therapeutic massages. My Grandmother told me "massage is not a luxury, its a necessity"
Take good care of yourself. Nothing lasts forever
I am sorry you are so full of anxiety. I know how that feels. As for medications, I would talk to your doctor about the side effects and get some real help with this decision. Perhaps they would not be for you. Maybe you need some time off. I do take= them and am caring for my husband, which is very stressful, However, I was not given them for that stress. I do not think they would help you. I am not your doctor and he/she would be your first step. My best to you.
It’s either take meds or have a life that is not worth living. Getting up every morning, every day, feeling like you’re enveloped in pain and darkness is not a life people want to live.
Just as you can’t will diabetes or infection away, you can’t will away depression, anxiety, or pain.
I am so glad you had a positive life and were able to without brain altering drugs. Please realize not everyone is as fortunate as you. I have a major depressive disorder and an anxiety disorder. Medication, countless hospitalizations, life long psycho therapy have kept me alive and functioning to this day. You were obviously were prescribed medications You did not need. I had over 88 shock treatments which got me back to work. I had a long career as a marketing rep for AT&T. Thankfully the company understood mental illness.
Asfor others who feel the need for RX for anxiety, hopefully they have a good doctor to guide them!
I'm terribly sorry to hear about the stress that you are under. It is very hard to be the primary caregiver. I too wanted to soldier on and keep helping but it did take a toll. I was in denial and in my case the anger and resentment affected my judgement for my own health and my father's
My dad passed four years ago and I'm still suffering from high blood pressure. I do think if possible, it is best to consider making alternate arrangements for your mom. Give yourself a respite. These feelings and health symptoms are warning signs. Some medications will help but in the end, I do think its better to make other plans and walk away from being the primary caregiver if it has reached this point.
Thinking of you.
Hang in there. It gets better :)
If anyone is “sucking the life out of you”, you need to get away. Just because a parent gave birth to us, that does not mean that we owe our life to him or her. Parents chose to give birth. Not so with grown children.
I was in a similar extreme caregiving situation with my feisty mother back in 2012-2013 AND UNEMPLOYED AT AGE 56. THANK GOD I had some family to help my Mom into assisted living so I could get myself professionally diagnosed for my anxiety, see my doctor for my situation and get Trazadone meds to relax me, allowing me to seek new work.
MENTAL HEALTH MEDS ARE NOT ”PILLS”. It is as legit a medication as insulin, blood pressure meds, or antibiotics.
Every med has a possibility of effects. It is BS that the medical community doesn’t know how meds will affect people.
Take care of yourself.
Hugs
All medications have side effects which destroy our health...some more slowly than others
When you are ready, check out ashwaghanda powder & Moringa powder...These are very rich in nutrition, build ongoing strength & steadiness of the nerves & blood. And have no side effects. And many side benefits.
Keep smiling, the river of life is constantly moving, and we with it
I still don't know what to do. In my heart and soul all I can do is my best. Can't let manipulation defeat you. I know you're trying, try approaching a time out for you. It doesn't last long but you get to breath. Hey mom, I'm kinda wrapped up in things, can I get back to you?
You did not state your mother's entire health conditions. If your explained anxiety continues to worsen, obtain professional help so you can better cope with your mother's situation in order to reduce your stress. Once the professional diagnoses your anxiety, ask your doctor for what type of anxiety meds may work best for you.