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Please contact hospice and ask about their grief counseling sessions. You'll be with others who feel the same way, and it can help immensely. You'll also meet people who have found peace in passing on an elder, so the perspective should help. If you don't do that, I'd suggest a private counselor. This is part of life and it's affecting your own quality of life. Please do this for yourself.
Best wishes,
Carol
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My mom died 2 weeks ago of a very aggressive and 100% fatal type of cancer. We watched as she slowly gave way to this stupid cancer. She basically died of starvation caused by the cancer, but dying of starvation is pretty gruesome. She went down really fast, which in an of itself was a blessing from God, to take her so she didn't have to suffer anymore. I was with my father-in-law 2 years ago when he basically drowned with all the fluid in his lungs. I sat with my mother-in-law by his bedside listening to what sounded like an old fashioned percolator as he breathed his last. I was grateful that she was there, and though it was awful, she was so grateful that I was with her. I stayed with my grandma in the nursing home when she was dying, and later when she had died and I wasn't aware of it, I went to see her on Christmas night one more time, but her bed was empty cause she was gone. It's what we humans do, watch other humans be born, live and eventually die. It made all the difference in the world knowing that my mom was a born-again Christian and, according to God Himself, she's with Him as I write this. That is where I find the strength to see the people that I love die, knowing that it's only temporary. As awful as it is, I felt privileged to be with my family during these gross, scary times. Getting old stinks though.
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