My grandparents are hoarders who refuse to get rid of anything. There’s no room. I can’t breathe with the smell. How do I anonymously report?

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My grandparents are hoarders who refuse to get rid of anything. There’s no room. I can’t breathe with the smell. How do I anonymously report?

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I agree with midkid. You can maybe clean up but that won't stop the disease.

The dog's problem might easily be solved with a trip to the vet and maybe a doggie door.

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We just went through a similar situation with my mother-in-law. She lives in the same home for 63 years. She is 86 and lived alone with her two dogs. She had aspiration pneumonia twice since June and ended up in the hospital the mid January. So while she's in the hospital the doctors saying that she cannot go back home. She needs 24-hour care. We all know that that is too expensive unless you're rich so we decided it was time to put her into assisted living. But of course she was saying that she wanted to go home. The doctors in the hospital and the social worker in the case manager were telling us that Adult Protective Services would be called in if she refused to go because she was doing self-neglect. So I kept waiting for Adult Protective Services to get involved in the situation as the days went by. Finally I called Adult Protective Services to see what kind of power they had and I was told that they are an investigative service and they do not have the power to remove someone from their home an elder person who is I've seen mind or not. So calling Adult Protective Services probably won't do any good at all. I'm sorry to say that it's probably going to take them getting seriously ill as it did with my mother-in-law before they will be able to be moved. I think she finally realized that she couldn't do things on her own and she certainly wasn't taking care of the house. It's the same way that you described. It smells so bad that you can't stand to be in there for longer than 5 minutes. So I would say if they are capable of making decisions, even if they are the wrong ones, there isn't anything that you can do about this situation. Only when they become demented and I no longer able to handle their Affairs and that can be signed off on by a doctor can you really do anything about it.

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Thank you. You are very helpful. My father came into town today. He thinks he can stay on their couch or on the guest bed. I told him I can’t see the bed and the couch and it will set off his asthma. Maybe he will be more forceful?

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The dog may not be incontinent. It could be that no one takes it outside, so the poor thing has no choice but to go inside the house.

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This is true. And then, we find the pee and poop in the piles of junk. It’s a good dog. I wish it had space to run around.

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What is it with you people and “killing their old dog”. Don’t you think the grandchild has enough on his plate without piling on more guilt? You are not in charge of the area animal services where they live, so you don’t know what would happen to the dog for sure. Have some empathy please.

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It really is cruel to keep the dog in this environment. How could you expect civil dog behavior when it is living in this very sad living situation? The poor animal has obviously no say in the matter. Good luck with moving forward. I am so sorry this is your predicament.

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I understand the situation you are in. Can you not explain to your grandparents that its effecting your health and this why others don't visit. As you say your father is P.O.A. so your hands are tied. I feel that it would be great to get the place cleared out, cleaned and to get carers to help your grandparents. Although i don't think it would be right to move them out of their home at this stage in their life bless them.

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My grandparents don’t understand and their hoarding is wayyyy past that. They keep trash. They don’t get rid of anything. I want to just tow their trailer to the dump.

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Sadly, the hoarding mentality is a mental illness. Oftentimes, it stems from Depression Era individuals who use to save literally EVERYTHING for fear they would not be able to afford a bar of soap, i.e. My late mother saved tiny slivers of soap. Also socks were never thrown out; they were "darned" with a darning tool.
Without help, your loved ones will not part with the items. This is not only dangerous because if one of them has a medical emergency, the EMTs will not be able to get to them in time. Not to mention the stuff could start a fire. Please seek APS now!

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Wow, I never thought that regarding the Depression era individuals. My parents were in the era. Good theory! 🙂

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BobItsABoy;

Unless/until your grandparents are declared incompetent, there isn't much you can do. When we decided it was time for our mother to be in MC, she refused to move anywhere (not even with either of my brothers.) The Elder Care attorney told us we cannot "drag her out of the house" (obviously that is an expression, we would never have considered that!) We had to come up with a way to get her to agree to move. Even now, in MC, I've been told a number of times that even with/despite dementia they CANNOT force mom to do anything. You have to be adept and take time to convince them to do things. So, for anyone who is still deemed "competent", no one can force them.

In a case like this, I don't see how any amount of cajoling or arguing is going to change anything. There were enough comments from others regarding how everything will go back to the same state in a short time even if you could clean it up. Also from reading the comments and other sources, APS might have recommendations, but they cannot legally do anything.

In your case (and others), it might make more sense to contact the FD or health department. They *could* declare it a health and/or safety hazard and lock it up, which means they would have to move somewhere else. The house across from where I lived before was locked up and they had the owners moved (a plumber friend had been in it to fix a heating issue and described some of it to me - eeeeuwwww!)

One other thing - despite your dad being appointed POA, it does NOT grant him overall ability to make them do anything. Having POA (medical or financial) allows one to make medical decisions and handle financial duties when one is deemed incompetent to handle these things OR if they request that help. You cannot just "take over." Having POA makes little difference in your case. Don't be too hard on your dad. His hands are tied just as much as anyone elses!

One thing that I did note in your last post - "she has Cellulitis and her legs are weeping." Is she being treated for this? That was something mom developed just before the move date (before she "agreed" - it was something my brother used to "assist" getting her to go.) That is a SERIOUS infection and needs antibiotics. It can kill! It took TWO rounds of antibiotics to clear up the one spot she had, and your comment indicates she has multiple spots. Any doctor treating her should be aware (or make him/her aware) of the WHOLE situation. The doctor should be able to get something moving along (it could come back to bite them if they don't address it.)

Given they live in a trailer, what choices are there if they need to move? I suspect there is no way they can afford AL, so they would need to apply for Medicaid (this is where dad's POA can help.) As harsh as it sounds, this may be one of those cases where you need to get a ball rolling (health department or FD) and let the state step in. Certainly you can try APS, but I would start with the other two myself. They CAN make things happen (and ensure they don't just say move it or lose it and don't return to check up!)

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APS said they aren’t a babysitting service.

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Used to be a care manager and I've seen a few hoarders. If elder is living in an apartment or other communal housing, it is possible to have management enforce certain health and safety standards. However, people who live in a private, free standing home are not subject to standards(unless local Board of Health receives complaints) APS can only do so much and mostly investigate situation and make suggestions. Sometimes you can clean out and even relocate a hoarder, but most of the time, they will just start the hoarding behavior again. It is a mental illness and not necessarily from living through a time of economic depression.

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I am writing their landlord an anonymous letter to see what they will do. I keep reading that it’s a mental illness and people keep telling me that they remember The Great Depression but that doesn’t make it right!

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Firstly you NEED to get out of there! You can get extremly sick will all kinds of health problems living there breathing in that air and dirt situation. I don’t know how old you are but I won’t call the department of aging to see what they can do. If you are on the young side and someone comes in they may remove you from there. I am just letting you know this, However it would be best for you until the situation is cleaned up. Is it possible for you to live with your dad? I would talk to him if you can.
You can also try to find out who there insurance company is sometimes in certain situations people have what is called “ service coordinators “ that are there as a go between if something happens in the home. If you can find out if they have anything like this call them. It may differ in many states. However you could try the insurance company phone number and find out. You probably won’t get very far bc of HIPPA but explain the situation and maybe they can point you in the right direction. You can also report this to the local authorities tell them (or go there) they would probably know what channels to take too get them help.
Can you live with your dad? or a different loved one? You really need to get out of there! Like I said it’s not healthy. Nothing about this is healthy. I know you feel bad about your grandparents but you also have think about yourself too. You can’t live like this. I know you love your grandparents but you really need to get them help and get yourself a plan to get out of there.
Start with the dept of aging. You can find the number on google. They should help you.
I don’t know what kind of insurance they have but I know for sure in my state that if they qualify for certain state help they should have a service coordinator or it maybe a different name in a different state. I know they help with different situations. The reason I know this is bc I deal with them all the time. If your dad is the POA he would be the one to call the insurance company. However if he won’t help them then it’s up to you. You can get the number at least and explain what is going on and maybe they can put you in touch with someone like community outreach. It’s a person or group of people that help others in the community with different problems. Again I don’t know if you have anything like this where your living. If your willing to dig there is help out there. You are just going to have to do the digging. Go to your local state representative office they are always willing to help. At least ours are. You are going to have to tell whoever you go to what is going on so be prepared for that.
I hope you can get a way to get yourself out of there. Your grandparents need help that is a must. This is not going to be easy by any means. You are going to have a very big challenge ahead of you. Make a plan and stay with it. Just remember that you have a full life ahead of you. You need to better it now or you never will. I am very happy you have started here.
Take care of yourself first everything will fall into place. You are important too. Remember that!

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IF THEY ARE IN DANGER OR A DANGER TO THEMSELVES YES THEY CAN BE REMOVED! SOUNDS LIKE GRANDPA REALLY CAN'T TAKE CARE OF HER, COULD PARAMETRICS GET INTO THE HOME IN CASE OF EMERGENCY? I WOULD 100% CALL ADULT PROTECTIVE SERVICES. HOW OLD ARE YOUR GRANDPARENTS? IS YOUR GRANDPA CAPABLE OF TAKING CARE OF GRANDMA? (Bathing her, changing her diaper, giving her meds, cooking?) THEY WILL CHECK INTO ALL OF THIS. GOOD LUCK KEEP US POSTED,

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Sometimes what you say get's lost or overshadowed by how you say it. I'm sure you didn't intend to scold or scream at this OP and certainly don't want to chase them or anyone else away but the use of all caps can often have that meaning and effect.

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Since you mentioned a dog, you might want to report the situation to animal protection services. Take some photos to show them. Once they come out about the dog, this may get other government agencies interested. I'm sure there are health hazards and fire hazards involved in this situation. Hoarding is a mental illness and very hard to treat. There was a TV series about hoarding that was very enlightening. (Perhaps netflix or Youtube)

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I was thinking the same thing. If you're able to get animal protection services out there because of the dog (which is clearly a victim of neglect, and its health is surely being affected by living in filthy surroundings and never going outside or getting exercise), it might then get the ball rolling naturally on other issues. Hoarding is definitely a particular, and very very difficult, problem. The dog is the "low-hanging fruit" here, and I would urge action on that while you explore options for the harder part - the grandparents and their house.

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First of all, no matter who is involved or why, living like this is not only disgusting and unsanitary, it is just wrong, wrong, wrong. First of all, I would seek advice from the local Office on Aging. Second, I would contact the fire department and the town hall and inquire how you can help - hopefully anonymously. This is not only a serious health hazard, it is a definite fire trap and hazard. Make every phone you can to every office connected with the town or seniors you can find. This has to be rectified - NOW. Also talk to the shelters and rescue groups about the poor dog. Another thought is to speak with an eldercare attorney and explain while your father is the POA, no one is doing anything. I don't think you alone can solve this - it will need outside intervention before something horrible happens. Please do this now.

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As I included in my comment, having POA really does not help. Unless the grandparents are declared incompetent, become incapacitated or request the POA person to take over, there is nothing the POA can really do.

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I have an additional thought and while I am not suggesting you do this, please think about it and just consider what could/might happen if you go this route - the problem is you might not have another choice if no one is cooperating and helping. Your first thought should be for the welfare of the innocent poor dog who is probably going in the house because no one walks the dog or takes it outside. Can you blame the poor animal? This is just downright cruelty, neglect and sadism. Try to work closely with rescues and shelters to see if they could take the dog. Second, and be prepared for war, you - since no one is willing to act appropriately - must become very strong and tough. YOU must become the problem solver. Hire a group of "professional" people who are familiar with situations like this. Go into the house and just start cleaning it up and doing whatever you need to do. Your family will rant and rave but you have to be strong and ignore them and do what is best - get that house cleaned up before it burns up and kills everyone. And get in touch with the doctor and enlist the doctor's help for proper care and/or placement. It will be hell but you have no choice - it has to be done. Good luck.

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Madtoe and Toadhall: Yes, Depression Era mentality existed. My late mother had a button box which she was going to give to my 46 year old daughter or my 20 year old niece. Neither had a clue what they would need a button box for!

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I have several inherited from MIL and possibly someone else. It is full of all sorts of buttons. Some are very unique. There are actually people who collect old buttons. I have seen bracelets made with them. And if one has plenty of time and patience you can find an article of clothing and see if the interesting buttons in the box are the right size and guy you have the right number. Doesn't that sound fun?

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There is a huge gulf between Depression Era Mentality and Hoarding.

My grandparents, who were the ones raising children through the depression, were not hoarders. 90% of the people I know or knew who were raised in the Depression are not hoarders.

My father is a hoarder who happened to have been raised during the Depression. And I unfortunately have hoarding tendencies, which have been triggered by two traumatic events in my life, one as a child and the other due to a divorce. I work hard to keep things manageable, but this winter realized I need some help. And you know what? I have called a number of Mental Health organizations to ask for recommendations on a company to help me clear out and I have hit a brick wall. I would have expected that there would be some sort of list of companies who can help. Each agency I called checked and was surprised that they did not have a resource list.

So now I have to cold call companies to see if they have experience with hoarding. This creates anxiety for me. If I had a list of vetted companies experienced with hoarding it would be much easier for me to call them up.

Now my house is nowhere near what is seen on hoarding shows, nor am I attached to the stuff I want gone, but I need physical help getting it gone.

I do worry that if I do not get this under control sooner than later I will wind up like Dad. But for now, garbage, recycling and composting go out each week and once a month we make a dump run to get rid of more stuff.

OP, I understand your concern and frustration. It could be that your Dad has tried for years to deal with his parent's living condition and gotten no where, so he no longer tries.

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That makes total sense!

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Sometimes my mom will say, I may need it someday and keep unnecessary stuff. I can’t stand clutter.

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NeedHelpWithMom: I've heard those words, too about "needing it some day." But then the person will probably forget where they put it!

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Riverdale: I don't possess the box of buttons.
Lynina: The valuation is all about supply and demand.

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Llamalover,

That’s true. If they forget about an object. No big deal.

With my mom, keeping things comes from the depression era. One trick I have been successful with is taking photos of things and sending to my mom’s iPhone. Yes, my mom uses an iPhone at age 93! My kids insisted on her getting rid of her old flip type phone so they could send her pictures. It’s so sweet.

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I have thought about this a great deal as I once know someone who had several animals. You could not walk through the house with all the junk and stuff all over. She was filthy, neglected the animals, etc. One day while she was gone, something went wrong. The house and the animals burned to the ground. I don't give a dam if it is depression era or stupidity or mental illness - there is no way on earth this is ever acceptable under any circumstances. If you find there is no agency, human or animal, who will step in and get things CORRECTED, then as far as I am concerned that leaves you with one and only one option. You must hire or somehow get a group of people and if possible, remove the hoarders first off the premises on some excuse, and then systematically remove and destroy all the junk until it is at least possible to walk through the rooms. There is no other way and they will scream and rant and rave - so what? They deserve what is coming their way for doing what they are doing. Do not give in. Stand strong. Get help for that poor neglected innocent dog - the best would be a wonderful new home somewhere safe and loving. And then seek out help and placement for the hoarders. This is disgusting, extremely unhealthy and dangerous for everyone. I know to many this sounds cruel but with people like this, what you sow is what you reap. They don't have to live like this now of in the past. YOU MUST GET THE STUFF OUT OF THAT HOUSE - NOW.

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Although it will not "cure" the problem, is there any way one of you can take them out for the day - sightseeing, museum, lunch, etc and another go through the place to at least throw out the old newspapers, phone books and things that are really trash? At least it would get some stuff out. You might leave a few papers and one phone book. Sounds like the items will still be missed, but if it is gone, it is gone. It will get built up again certainly, but better than nothing! It will build up more anyway, but if you can pare down what is there, it will help.

Maybe if you can enlist help and do smaller amounts over time, it won't be as noticeable to them? If not, at least one time, go at it!

In order to stop mom going through old papers (not THAT old, but old enough and confusing for her) I had brother take her out and removed all paperwork and bills. With dementia, she didn't really miss the stuff - if she can't find it, she won't know it is gone! (I think once she mentioned something that was on the table, but it is gone now...) It was more because things like old W2s from the last few years which showed "Death Benefits" because she was getting dad's pension led her to believe someone had died and left her money! After a lot of explaining, showing her how the date was from previous years and how it matched up to the tax documents, etc, she finally accepted it, sort of - the final question was why are they sending it now? Anything that was on the table "just came in the mail"! I just got tired of every few days hearing about how someone died and left her money!! She also found the first copy of application for life insurance from his work - she was filling it out with intent to get it. I showed her on the tax documents that she got it. No arguing with this one. I finally said fine, fill it out, send it in... where's the envelope or address to mail it to? Of course there wasn't any, because this would be handed to HR at work! Next trip over, nonchalantly snag it... out of sight, out of mind...

Thankfully she was not hoarding like your grandparents, but once we moved her, oh the amount of clothes, shoes, handbags, multiples of some items and some random crap she saved (covers off a microwave mac n' cheese for instance)!!!

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My father said my parents are talking about moving Grandpa in with them after Grandma passes but my sister and my cousin think Grandpa will go first. My cousin said Grandpa might lose his license when he goes in to have that renewed because he drives slowly and eradically and can’t see.

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This is so terrible. I cant believe you have family members who don't get involved, and I think I have to go a little further and say shame on your father also who either doesn't want to get involved
or might be afraid to get involved. Either way he should step up to the plate and help his family members before something terrible happens. This situation the way you explain it is a death trap, an accident just waiting to happen.
I applaud you for trying to get help for them.
If it was me in your shoes I would call the local social services
dept for seniors and explain this horrible situation. they will direct you where to go if they are unable to help.
Please continue to look for help where ever you can get it for them. It is a life or death situation for them living like this.
don't give up.. And if I was you I would sit down with dad and make him understand just how bad this situation is......
god bless you for caring......shame on the rest of the family for turning a blind eye to it all......

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Well, I told them I wasn’t going to be an enabler and that I was washing my hands of the situation. A few days later, Grandma tripped over her stuff and fell and nobody could get her up with the stuff, so they called the paramedics and the paramedics took her to the nearest ER. They admitted her and because she hasn’t been elevating her feet and because she hasn’t been eating right and doing what she’s supposed to be doing, they are treating her for numerous infections like cellulitis and they’re pumping her full of Lasix. She’s mad they won’t let her have fried chicken, pop, and Little Debbies in the hospital. Family is sneaking it to her anyway I’m sure. Nobody told me she was admitted because I “obviously” don’t care anymore -which isn’t fair. Grandma is blaming me because she wouldn’t be sick and she wouldn’t be a hoarder if I was still coming over and talking to her all of the time. I don’t like the manipulation. They’re going to keep her in the hospital until they decide whether it’s safe for her to go home. It looks like they don’t think it’s safe for her to go home but they need to figure everything out. My sister and I think this means she’s going to a care center. I hope they just condemn their home. They’ll be better off in a facility with someone looking after them for sure.

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I’m glad to see that for your own mental health you’ve stepped back from the situation. Nothing is right or fair in you being blamed in this, but people often need a target rather than admit their own responsibility for their situation and I’m sorry you’re a target. You’re wise to stay away. If you want to help from a safe distance you can speak to the hospital social worker for the floor grandma is on, and let them know the home condition along with grandmas unwillingness to cooperate in her care.

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NeedHelpWithMom: Is it doing any good to send a pic of it to your mom's phone? I mean - other than jamming up her phone with photos? Does she then look at and delete them? I cannot stand clutter. I am going over possessions again. Told my husband he had a pen set from his former employer. His response = "I did?" And there you go - if you didn't know that you had it, you do not need it.

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It’s hard to sneak pictures of someone’s home.

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Grandma was hospitalized. She had cellulitis in her girly area. She tripped over her crap and fell and 2 of my uncles and 2 of my cousins tried to get her up but she was too heavy. The paramedics got her up. She hasn’t been elevating her feet and following her low-sodium diet. She hasn’t been eating healthy and exercising. She hasn’t been taking her Lasix. It’s hard for Grandpa to dress her, wipe her, bathe her... She was also diagnosed with diabetes. She’s too heavy to walk. They wanted to admit her to rehab for 2 weeks. She was supposed to go to a facility after because she can’t use a wheelchair in the trailer. My sister and I were excited they were finally getting out of there. It reeks of urine and my eyes and throat itch and burn when I go over. My father is the POA. But she had my uncle tell them he would take her home and take care of her, so she left AMA. Now, we’re all pretty miffed.

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Take her to her home, or to uncle's home? Either way, you are out of it now. You've offered help and it's been rejected. It's so sad and heartbreaking when you know something could be done if only you were allowed to do it. I've had to stop going to my mother's house due to all the crap, food garbage, filth, cat urine, etc. I offered many times to have it all cleaned up and maintained, but my mother screamed at me to leave her alone and to stop trying to control her life. Later, she would say things like "no one will help me". I stopped reminding her that my brother and I had offered many times, but that she wouldn't allow anyone to help her. She is irrational. Her doctors won't declare her mentally incompetent, so she has the right to make whatever decisions she wants, regardless of how dangerous those decisions are. She had to move in with my brother and his wife two months ago because she simply can't take care of herself any longer. She has terminal lung cancer, has fallen several times in her home, wasn't taking her heart medications regularly, and wasn't eating very much. Now, my brother's household is miserable. I know you feel an obligation to help your grandparents, but that may not be possible. Just hope that your uncle will actually take care of grandmother. Maybe he will find out what really going on and maybe he can get her the help she needs. Good luck to you. You are a kind person.

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Grandma is in the hospital again. My father wants to make the hoarders’ trailer wheelchair accessible. Can we stop enabling them? They can’t live there! I don’t know what is so hard to understand about that!

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Ask the social worker at the hospital to report grandma's living situation to social services/Adult Protective Services. That's the only way to get her out of there.

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I'm so sorry to hear this! You are a kind soul and this has got to be killing you. Unfortunately, sometimes there is nothing that can be done when people who are basically competent to make their own decisions (not good decisions, obviously!) lack good judgement. It a horrible situation to watch.

Thank you for caring about your grandma.

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Did u get help for them? I recently found out my father hoards. I'm shocked. Embarrassed. Disgusted. I don't know what to do. I've discovered so many disturbing things over the past 5 months. It's so incredibly upsetting. Please please please let me know if u found a solution. Thank u

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My grandparents are hoarders who refuse to get rid of anything. There’s no room. I can’t breathe with the smell. How do I anonymously report?

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