How do you handle brothers and sisters that constantly criticize and complain about your caregiving job?

The key here is communication. Have a family meeting. Decide who is appointed POAs for financial, medical, and how everything is to be handled. Include your siblings. Let your siblings know how expensive it would be to hire a caregiver, go to assisted living or even a nursing home. If your Mom goes into a nursing home, the condo will most likely be lost to the look back period unless she has given it to someone at least 5 years before she is placed in the home.Divide up the caregiving. Give them a reality check.

You may have been her favorite of her kids and now the siblings are jealous. Alot of the problems I read about on this site are due to old family dynamics. You Mom can make a will and divide everything so no one is left out.

You seem the mostly likely of her children to take care of her but when someone just takes over there usually are hard feelings. Wish you well.

I reread your post and want to say, I would need the POA for finances and not be begging for money to feed your Mom. That is insulting. As for the sister who wants photos of her pantry. Designate her as the "Chef" and she is free to come over everyday and prepare delicious and healthy meals for your Mom at her own expense. Otherwise butt out.

There have been many icky sibling stories on this site, but yours takes the cake. I agree with madge: if you are taking care of your Mom (and unless there has been a history of misuse of funds, which it appears there is not) you should have both financial and medical POA. If they refuse to turn over POA to you, get a part time job pay your Mom for a little rent, then hire fulltime, paid, in-home caregivers and send the bill to whomever has her financial POA. That should be an eye-opener.

Take a few minutes and call or go online and figure out how much 24/7 care costs - including transportation to doctor's offices, errands, and household maintenance. Then put it on paper and send it to all the sibs. If they are STILL complaining, thank them for their interest in their mother's well-being and suggest that they come for rotating visits so that they can spend more quality time with her.

Geeezz....reading about these family armchair quarterbacks drives me nuts. (btw, I would tell the sister who wants you to photgraph the cupboard to take a short walk off a long cliff. Incredible!)

Living in a home where you cannot even be in another room without answering to your Mom and having all those sibs on your back sounds brutal. If you do not take charge and set boundaries now, I am afraid you are in for more of the same.
good luc

WELL! First let me tell you you I COMPLETELY agree with all the statements made by Lilliput and Madge, and would like to continue only to say that the family meeting should have a MEDIATOR there (unrelated third party) to resolve any issues (oh and there will be issues), and that the meeting should NOT include Mom or the stress will REALLY get to her.

Second: get estimates (IN WRITING) from several places, and then have your brothers and sister do the same! Why should you have to do all the work?

Third: For the sister that thinks you don't feed Mom correct, put HER in charge of all 'food related duties'. And if she can't do it, because she doesn't live close by, have HER hire someone and have THEM provide her with the pictutes she wants, and the menu Mom eats, and a schedule of what she eats, etc.

Fourth: ANY further changes in your Mom's living arrangement can also have dire effect on her mental state. With that being said, start a schedule to have ALL siblings come and stay with her on a regular basis. IN THE LOCATIONS she is in now. Do not move her all around the globe/country, since this is not a good idea. When one of them stays THERE with her, you should be able to come and go as you see fit.

I know that our loved ones 'imprint' on one person (yourself) and may find this uncomfortable, but if it can happen, let it happen. Even a 'daycare' center will give you a day of rest or perhaps more time than you seem to be getting now.

Finally: NONE of this is easy when everyone agrees. Take some comfort in knowing that this happens more often than not, and although that doesn't make it easier, it does let you know that others have been down this path, and will help you as much as possible.

Also, AGE, proximity and prior family dynamics make up a huge part of your 'perceived' care. My siblings EXPECTED me to take care of Mom, and yet questioned everything I did too. I didn't have financial or medical POA but I did the best I could for my mother (as you are doing), since she was my best friend too. I also lived two hours away from my brothers, and 1200 miles from my sister, so I did more 'accounting' to THEM sometimes, than to my mother who was in the same room as me!

Have the family meeting, have a LIST of things you need to discuss, and have them ALL sign off on what should be done. If they cannot attend personally, do it via the INTERNET with net meeting, or Skype, etc. Do it soon, so YOU will be able to live too!

a huge impact on the care is perceived versus 'their abilities'. If they question your ability, take a course in caring for those with dementia (online is available) WITH them so you are all on the same page.

My sister and I know what you are going though. We have have the same trouble with our sister and brother. We have told them if they want to take care of our 9 year old mother come on. My sister and I have been taken care of her for the past 30 years with no help from them except for them to complain. We can not even get them to come over to stay with her for even an hour. But yet they want to complain that we are spending to much of her money on things. The only thing that is touch from her funds is to pay two bills of hers and her doctors bills which even that we have taken care of. We pay for her meds what the insurance does not pay and hospital bills that mediare does not pay. We can not even get outside help for her and she can not walk at all. We have to do everything for her. So we know what it is like and our prayers are with you.

I am in your shoes as well. Right now, my mother has an open abdominal incision approximately 9 inches long, three inches across and four inches deep. My siblings really don't get it, so today, when the wound vacuum is changed, I'm taking pictures of her with and without the wound vacuum. The pictures should arrive via e-mail just about time for their lunch. I imagine that they'll lose theirs when they see them, but they need to be kept informed of the realities of her care.

Argee with it all. Absolutely take the time to price out the cost of assisted living or home health care in your area. I would also tell them that you can no longer to provide the daily care for your mother, monitoring, meals, and so on, unless you are given access to the finances. You're just not going to do it anymore. you plan on mving out as soon as you get a job and get on with your life. Now whether you actually do that, or feel that is a different story. But it might shake then up a little bit. I have access to my parent's $$, but I don't access it. They still pay their bills. My lazy a#$ sibling who lives off of child support wants to know where every penny goes. But this one never inquiries of their health. Interesting, isn't it? Just sittin' around waiting for their check.....lordy!

I agree for a real need to have a good mediator for family meetings. I also agree with the need for a shared reality of the expense of care giving. I wonder if there is an elder care social worker or agency or lawyer in your areas that can help negotiate more balance in what happens with finances and care giving. I wonder if there are agencys in your area that have lists of resources.

FORGET POA. Take her to the doctor and have the doctor send a letter head to the Soc. Sec. Office suggesting YOU be her Authorized Representative. The Check will come to her C/O you. GET the bank account to Notorized the Letter. 1. Change your Phone Number. 2. Send back all letters and cards. 3. OR put a sign on her back RETURN TO SENDER and you get a life and a job. Good luck.

I take care of my Dad full time and I feel your pain. He is almost 88 and has lived with my family for over 3 years. He needed more care than he was getting in his senior community so the next step was a nursing facility. My brothers did not want to have him in their home and my Dad did not want to go to a nursing facility. He is as sharp as a tack and knows exactly what he wants to do. He has been helping my family financially as we have been struggling. He says that he wants to give us the money he would have spent going to a facility. My brothers say that i am despicable and that I am convincing him to do this. I have tried to talk with them and let them know what is going on with Dad but they have turned it against me. They have said very hurtful things about me and my husband, and that I am spending their inheritance. This saddens my Dad so much and makes him angry as they don't bother to come and visit. I would talk to an attorney about getting the POA and tell your family to either take over or shut up. I was stunned at my brothers reaction to his wishes, and feel that no matter what I do, they will not approve. Do what you need to do for your mom and yourself. Her happiness is paramount and you need to be healthy and rested to do it. You will have to deal with them after your mom passes, but do it from a position of strength. Good luck.

P.S. Until someone is authorized over her money; if not already ( this can be changed by using an attorney to make you her POA with her in a compentant state of mind and present at the appointment) or becomes her Guardian ( she can do this thru the aging attorney sliding scale fee) and VOLUNTARILY make you her guardian. Until this happens, one day you will come home and they will have taken her away. FYI: elderly love attention and may think they are going for a weekend visit when infact they are moving her out. DURABLE POA is best; this covers compentant and noncompetent, alert or nonalert, and PAYABLE UPON Death( both of you in person at the bank with I.D.) is always valuable when visiting the BANK;NO ONE may withdrawal her money except YOU; as this will help cover expenses should she die; the money will go to you. REMEMBER: Authorized Representatives are responsible for RECIEPTS at the end of the year. BUT most of all, chill out. IF you want to stay where you are and keep a roof over your head and hers and continue caring for mom, then do what they ask,,,,and allow them to visit and complain. "Sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but WORDS can never". wow, been there done that, Personally I would NEVER do it again. NOW I dont have a family : you can expect the same.

Dear acook1432: I wish I could give you two stars! While your dad is alive it is his money, not their inheritance. It is not their money. You may want to talk to an attorney and see what you would need to do now to protect yourself from your siblings suing you (and winning) after your fathers death. Wow, what a complicated world we live in. I am glad that you dad appreciates your efforts.

His inheritance? Just try putting your Dad in a nursing home and see where "His" inheritance goes.

Kivy, madge1: I have agonized about what my brothers might do after my dad passes and I found this article through Linkedin that may help me and others address this problem. It talks about having the parent write letters to his children explaining his decisions and why, and include these with the will. These will be given out at the reading of the will. I am grieving the loss of my brothers now more than anything else.

You've gotten some great answers here, I think. I have relatives who are going through something similar. It makes me suspect that perhaps your siblings may be under some sort of undisclosed financial pressures, and may be feeling desperate about money, in which case a mediator and/or financial planner may help to bring clarity to the situation, establish clearly that your mother's money is for her care, and make their expectations for inheritance more realistic. You are saving the family money, and your scrimping on groceries won't salvage their finances.

My general rule is; as the care giver you need to keep a small spiral notebook and write down any purchase or money transaction, even if the money is a gift...write it down. That way you stay above the worry, then get a health care directive and you take care of the medical assistance and let another family member get the POA of the money. You are removed from that burden.
Next, call an old family friend, a minister or a therapy person and ask them to mediate a family meeting. Come with notes, do not baby talk, or boo-hoo...simply state this is what is needed, this is what we have, this is what I am doing...and let the 3rd party person do the talking to the family. No matter how hard, this of the situation as a business conversation...that is how you take the anger and years of family history away. You make it a problem to solve for you as a family and the 3rd party negotiator will handle the rest. Blessings on all that you do - francy Dickinson

Excellent advice!!!

I couldn't paste the link but if you google this you will find it. "Wills: How to Give One Child Less".

Wow....you have all said so many good things here!!!
I won't add anything, except to say I am there in that rocking boat also.
God bless us all

I work for a Home Health Company in Indianapolis and our rates are $18.00 and hour and $250.00 for a live in. Take those rates and give them to your family. I took care of my mother for 3 years and was the youngest of 6 siblings. Amazing how the others all have a thought when they are not the full time Caregivers. Pick your battles and put your mother first. I agree with the others Ideas and please try to take care of yourself as well, that is most important as well..!!!

Blessings
Bridget

Those rates are less expensive than what I've found in Colorado. Care giving is expensive, and as it says in 1 Timothy 5:18, "the labourer is worthy of his [her] reward." Our work is worthwhile and worthy of respect at the very least!

If people (family) offered real help as much as they offer advice, these issues would almost never come up...I agree with the "get a mediator, write it all down and do your best" ideas and would add after all that, tell em to Piss Off! If that isn't good enough for them...It is amazing people will tell you what to do this, what to do that, what to do there, but they would NEVER offer to take your place!

I've been taking care of my Mom who lives with me for 19 years and my brother lives in Florida and has for over 10 years. It has been okay for me to take care of my Mom for these many years but now, because I need more money for her care, I have had to answer to by brother for every little thing. I finally realized that I had POA also and started to tell him what I needed and then made it happen. I still don't have a life of my own but I no longer feel that I have to answer to my brother also. I would tell your siblings that if they do not think you are doing the very best that you can, they are perfectly welcome to come, pick you Mom up and care for her themselves. They need a wake up call. Unless you've been in the situation of taking care of someone 24/7, you really can't possibly know what is involved. You need to take care of yourself in any way you can. What would happen if something happened to you? Stand up for yourself and tell them to start respecting you for who you are and for what you are doing. I congratulate you for all your good care that you have given your Mom and they should be kissing your shoes instead of daring to criticize you. God bless.

Dear brothers and sisters,

I've been taking care of Mom since that awful hospitalization. It has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I have always loved Mother, of course, and also like her, but these past months have created a bond between us that I wouldn't trade for anything. What a priviledge it has been to care for her.

Caregiving has also been the most difficult thing I have ever done. GIving up my social life to spend all my time with someone who is dependent on me has been a great strain.

I am grateful for the bonding experience and for the chance to contribute to Mother's wellbeing. Now I am ready to move on. I am giving more than the usual notice, because it will take me time to find a job and an apartment, and it will take you time to research your options to make sure Mother is well cared for. I will stay on in the condo, caring for mother, until Dec 1.

From your input to me, I can tell that you really have some ideas about how things should be handled, so you probably don't need my advice. In case it will help you in your decisions, I'm including some material for reference. I'm listing Dr. Eldergood's contact information. He's told me that Mother needs 24/7 care, but I'm sure you would like to talk to him directly. I'm also including brochures from 3 well-regarded caregiving services in the area. The brochures do not include prices, so I've checked that for your convenience. They range from $18 to $31 per hour, depending on their assessment of need, and the rate is somewhat higher for an overnight shift.

I'm also sending information on a nice Assisted Living place. I'm not sure Mother would qualify for that, because her dementia is getting worse. They do have a Memory Care unit she could be moved to. I've jotted the prices on that. It may seem high, but it includes all meals, of course, and incontinent supplies (which I think she'll be needing soon). Betty, since I know that you are particularly interested in nutrition, I've photocopied some menus for you.

There are also two nursing homes that have good reputations in the area. I'm including that information, too.

You know the finances better than I do. It seems to me that her assets plus her monthly income would cover her care for almost a year. Then the condo could be sold for the following years. When that money runs out I think she would be eligible for Medicaid. I'm sure you will figure it out.

I hope that being responsible for mother's day-to day-care will be as rewarding to you as it has been for me.

Looking forward to reclaiming my life,
Your loving sister.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OK, so the other advice about a mediated family meeting is more sensible and practical. I couldn't resist the letter fantasy. :)

Wow! I can't believe the responses I have gotten! This is the first time that I've posted something and I have to tell you, it REALLY helps!!!!! I am especially loving the letter above to my brothers and sisters and the advise about the cliff to my loving sister that want's a picture of my pantry! Not sure if I mentioned, but she also only finds time to visit her Mother once a year for two days at Christmas! I guess that's understandable since she is all of 5 hours away!!!!

But in the end, I do still have to deal with them. Unfortunately, the threatening to leave her care to them scares the heck out of me. Mostly because they have threatened to put her in assisted living if I didn't cut down on spending.

The end of 2010 was the worst time of my life. My Mom had just moved here in July and around October is when everything started. At first, when I was in the hospital with her and the first few months here with her they were praising me often. They even offered to come and stay with my Mother while I took my yearly trip to the Caribbean! They said that I definetely deserved to go on this trip! This is something that I look forward to every year and is my one vacation that I take. People that know me understand how important these trips are for me. I had paid for a lot of Mom's expenses and had expected to get paid back so that I could pay for my trip, but we went through this grueling couple months and they decided that instead, I actually owed Mom $2,000!!!! They also said that I could NOT go on my trip and that it was not "in the budget." They also said that they would not be able to come and take care of Mom. The fact that they would take that away from me broke me more than not being able to go on the trip! I could not believe my ears when I heard those words! I even lost money because I was past the time for reimbursement on my cruise and lost $150 on my flight. In the end, I have had to add two different drugs for anxiety and depression.

I am my Mom's Medical POA and my oldest sister and her husband are Durable POA. I am next in line for Durable POA. My Mother has also signed her will stating that her money, if any is left, will be devided between the six kids and that I get the condo (gotta tell you, they LOVED that part!!!!). Of course, I was accused of talking her into it! My two brothers owe my Mom a lot of money and one of them happens to be one of the two of them that has been the most cause of my stress.

Anyway, I didn't mean to go on and on, I mostly wanted to thank you all. You have given me some really good ideas (especially, the cliff one, just kidding!) And, in doing so you have made me laugh out loud!!! Please keep the ideas coming and I ask that God Bless Each of You as I know he has and will. Even though I have been on this site looking for answers to my stress, I am constantly saying how BLESSED I am!!!!! I have to wonder often why God Loves Me So Much and Blesses Me Like He Does! Even though this brother / sister thing sounds so bad, every day God sends me messages of how much he loves me and proves it to me every day in small and gigantic ways! I guess I must be doing something right!

I Love You All for taking care of your loved ones!

Thank you again!

All the answers to this question proves that the caregivers here have more than enough BS to deal with, and somehow got labled by those " who care about everything but the real situation at hand". The ones who focus on anything but the person in need of care (the siblings that complain about money, and needed daily care that they themselves are not supplying, and have no idea what just five minutes of your day is really like, and add negative input and say anything else that's irrelevant to the real situation just to piss you off)
I call them "Energy Suckers". They have no clue but they think thier negativity and unreal suggestions are worth your time, but the reality is, it's a waist and helping noone. "Energy Suckers" hate when your doing right, hate you are aware, hate your in control. All the "Energy Sucker" has is, guilty feelings and a foggy reality. So you need to clear the fog. You do this by forcing reality onto them. Make it known to the "Energy Sucker"...
If you think you can do a better job, pick up Mom and you take care of her from now on!!! If you are worried about her health you take her to the Dr. and if you worry about her finances here's the bills! Then tell them when she's in "your" care I want a report of everything you do and how much time it takes and the cost and I want no complaints about your own time, stress, and anything else your own life is lacking. Ask them, if this is what they want, you and would gladly trade places. You didn't ask for this & niether did Mom, but it's real and I am sure noone will take the job if you quit. If I had a million I would bet noone wants the job. Make demands on them!!! Once you make your position known and they understand you are doing what is best for all involved and that noone else will step up, except you. Is there any other choice? Or the alternative to your care is 24/7 care in a facility at $6,000 to $10,000 a month bill, which is more than likely in the future anyway. If Mom does end up in the hospital someone needs to be in charge. These are all things they don't think about but, this is your life daily. Do whatever you need to, to take care of your loved one. If your focus is whole hearted you can't go wrong! The path will be there for you to follow.

I have two suggestions - #1 is chancey - give your siblings one month notice and tell them you are going on a vacation for a week (more if you can do it) - and you need them to step in. Then they will get an idea of what the care and costs entail. The "chance" part of it is concern over whether they would take steps to put her in a nursing home... . My other suggestion is agreement with what someone else wrote - have a family meeting BUT be sure to have an impartial mediator (paying for one is best way to assure impartiality) - and before the meeting have everything outlined that needs to be covered and give everyone a copy of the outline. (Before hand have your siblings send you their notes for the outline, also). AND if you sister wants a picture of the pantry - have her come and take her own photo. Totally irrational. Bottom line of all of this is much more deep seated than the dinners our or food budget - I am sole caregiver for my 92 year old dementia mother - with 3 of 4 other siblings barely involved, but with lots of "suggestions." I think that when a parent needs caregiving - all of the unspoken to emotions, resentments etc arise from the siblings. I've found that the issues aren't generally about the "pantry" but about unaddressed childhood sibling issues that were never addressed. So perhaps another suggestion, before or after a mediator (I'd suggest before a mediator) is that you invite all siblings to meet together with a therapist. Here again you'd have total impartiality and it would get to the real unaddressed sibling issues. Good luck.

Gotta say that the jeanne's model letter is just too good! If the sibs think your 24/7 care of your mom is too expensive, the sticker shock of assisted living should adjust their perceptions a bit.

Dear lovemymom2560,
Gather the family and have the family (you and your siblings) work through your mom’s care needs then define the care options you have. Estimate and document the costs, benefits and issues/questions/concerns you/the family members have with each. Then as a family, select the care giving option that best meets your mom’s needs and the financial resources you have to work with. Having recently been a primary care giver for my dad an 87 year old stroke victim who had lewy body dementia, vision and mobility issues I can tell you this is HARD work. Here is my action plan and a sample of how you might choose to begin this discussion with your family. Good Luck! I have additional tips and tools you may choose to look at on: http://oldageisnot4wimps.typepad.com/blog/

Sample Action Plan
1.Lovemymom2560, setup a family meeting, PREP WORK*be prepared to discuss your mother’s health issues, current state including what medications she is on. Describe her care needs are, i.e. :Bathing, dressing, bath rooming, grooming, eating with or without assistance, medication administration, mobility, vision, hearing, mental capabilities etc. . Be prepared to describe mothers financial resources, i.e. insurance coverage, savings, checking, property etc.
2.Call meeting to order, describe what you would like to accomplish then describe your mom’s health “current state” and her care needs
3.As a family, identify the single point of contact/ healthcare advocate/ POA for healthcare for your mom, obtain family consensus
4.As a family, identify the single point of contact financial manager POA for your mom, obtain family consensus
5.As a family list care options and the approximate cost of each option, use the example I have provided as A STARTING POINT
6.As a family, make a care choice based upon your mother’s care needs and the associated cost
7.Review your mom’s “current state” health and financial as a family every 6 months, alter plan of care, financials as a family as needed.

SAMPLE Care Options: Cost/ Benefits/ Issues-Comments:

Care Option 1 – Care Delivered at Mom’s Condo i.e. in her own home

COST Option1 Assumptions:
-Housing, Utilities, Food, Transportation etc. Assume: $1,500/per MTh for Condo payment, utilities or $18,000.00 per year
-Nursing Home Care cost is $6,000 per MTh, $72,000.00 annually
-Moms Daily Physical Care and Support at an hourly rate of $15, per hour. Assume 365*24*15= $131,400

Care Option1a) At Home Care in Mom’s Condo provided by lovemymom2560, pay lovemymom2560 $15, per. for her services, she pays ½ condo payment.Cost of Care for Option 1a is:
$131,400.00
-$009,000.00 ½ condo payment
$113, 400.00 annual payments to lovemymom2560
---------------------------------
Care Option b) Lump Sum. Pay caregiver same as Nursing Home annual fee $72,000 and give her room and board free. Cost of Care Option 1b is:
$072,000.00 care services delivered by lovemymom2560 annual lump sum
$000,000.00 room/board free
$72,000.00 annual payment to lovemymom2560
-----------------------------------
Care Option c) lovemymom2560 lives rent free and cares for her mom full-time in the Condo. Cost of Care Option 1c is:
$000,000.00 care by lovemymom2560 free in exchange for room and board
$000,000.00 room/board free
$000,000.00 annual payment to lovemymom2560
--------------------------------------
Care Option 1d) lovemymom2560 is given title to the condo as compensation for her full time care of mom. Cost of Care Option 1d is:
$000,000.00 care by lovemymom2560 free in exchange for title to condo
$000,000.00 room/board free
$000,000.00 annual payment to lovemymom2560

Benefits Care Option 1:
-24x7 care, Care being provided by family member in mom’s own home
-Single point of contact for mom is lovemymom2560
-Mom/Family retains ownership of Condo/ property, exception is option d

Care Option 1: Issues/questions/Comments
- How do we compensate the primary care giver? I.e. hourly rate? Lump annual sum? Lives rent free in lieu caring for mom? She is given ownership of the condo after mom’s death? Other?
-Who watches mom when caregiver goes to grocery store or has health appointments or other away actives?
- Who manages mom’s financials? Expenses?
- Care Giver will need a break at least 1 week every 3 months, can each of the sibling take 1 week per year and stay with mom and administer her care?
- Care Giver must log mom’s daily care so that the siblings can understand what mom’s current state is what was done during the day to support her care; document her medications and the administration of these meds etc.; setup doctor appointments and transport mom etc.

Care Option 2 - At Home Care in Mom’s Condo provided by Home Health Care Agency
Care Option 2 Assumptions:
-Annual condo payment, plus association fees, maintenance, utilities energy costs, food costs, food prep, cleaning, laundry other household supplies cost, transportation costs to/from doctor visits, therapy, etc Assume : $18,000 per year
-24 hour home health care agency services, assume 365*24*15 = $131,400.00 per year
Cost of Care Option 2 is:
$149,400.00 per year approximately

Care Option2 Benefits:
-24x7 care
-Care being provided by Home Health Care Agency in mom’s own home
- Home Health Care Agency will document care provided to mom
- Mom-Family retains ownership of Condo/ property

Care Option 2: Issues/questions/Comments
-Need to pick a single point of contact (family member)/ healthcare advocate for mom. This person, who advocates for mom, is the single point of contact for the Home Health Care Agency and Physicians that provide care services for mom. This care advocate should be paid the going rate for a home health care provider, typically between $15-20, per hour.
-Who will monitor mom’s care?
- Additional costs may be incurred for medication administration because a RN must administer meds and aide cannot.
-As the dementia evolves a single caregiver may not be able to address all of moms needs


Care Option 3) Long Term Care, Nursing Home w/ Dementia support

Care Option 3 Assumptions:
-$6000 per month, $72,000 per year, if she is not Medicaid eligible.

Cost of Care Option 3 is: $72,000.00 at a minimum if not Medicaid eligibile

Cost of Care Option 3 Benefits:
-24x7 care
-Dementia support /care
-Family members can proceed w/ their lives and visit mother when schedule allows

Care Option 2: Issues/questions/Comments
-How will mom react?
-Do we have the funds?
-Do we sell moms condo and use profits to fund her care?
-Pick a single point of contact/ healthcare advocate for mom. This person, who advocates for mom, is the single point of contact for the Nursing Home and Physicians that provide care services for mom. -This care advocate should be paid the going rate for a home health care provider, typically between $15-20, per hour.

If I were you, I would tell them you think it is time each of the brothers and sisters take a turn taking care of mother. Whomever has mother, you should then ask them for receipts and photos of their food pantry.

Good luck to you. I actually know how you feel. I have been there and wish you the best.